(I am having lunch with my ex-husband. We have been divorced for years, and the period of time around the divorce was pretty tough. At the time he had slept with a much younger woman. Things are very amicable between us now, and we meet for lunch once a month to discuss our teenage children and such. He has been seeing a woman (not the same one he cheated on me with) for almost a year, and it is getting serious.)

Me: “So how is [girlfriend]?”

Ex-husband: “Good. Very good. In fact, I wanted to ask you about that.”

Me: “Is it about the ring?

(I flash the wedding ring he gave to me, which used to belong to his mother. It is worth a fair amount and of huge sentimental value, so I have been expecting to be asked to return it at some point.)

Me: “Will you be wanting it back?”

Ex-husband: “Not at all. My mother told me to give the ring to the mother of my children. Last I checked, you still were.”

Me: “Won’t you be wanting to have children with [girlfriend]?”

Ex-husband: *in jest* “God, no! The teenagers ruined our marriage!”

Me: *smiling evilly* “I assume you’re referring to the nineteen year old you slept with, not our two beautiful children?”

Ex-husband: “I guess I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”