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    Category: Advice

    Love advice is best taken lightly, if at all. Thankfully, our friends and families are armed with truckloads of it!

    A Perfectly Reasonable Request

    | TX, USA | Advice, Single

    (I’ve always been single, but that doesn’t stop me from wistfully talking about the kind of guy I’d like to date to my friend.)

    Me: “He’d be sweet, polite, always laugh at my jokes… And every now and then, he’d tell me ‘[My Name], you can’t have spicy noodles five days in a row. I’m taking you out to eat’.”

    Friend: It’s a wonder you haven’t found him yet…”

    His Love For Her Israel

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Advice, Family/Kids

    (My boyfriend is a camp counsellor. He has long, messy blonde hair, and is chatting with a little Israeli girl.)

    Boyfriend: “Oh you’re Israeli? That’s cool; so is my neighbor!”

    Little Girl: “Oh, well you should marry her!”

    Boyfriend: “Well actually, I have a girlfriend!”

    Little Girl: “Oh. Well you should marry her instead! But first you need to get a haircut.”

    Off The Sappy Scale

    | Rockhampton, QLD, Australia | Advice, Dating

    (My partner comes into work to bring me lunch most days, and as such is well known to my coworkers and boss. He has come in again today, but my boss has stopped by the lunch room to chat. The subject turns to what the boss will and will not do to get a girlfriend.)

    Boss: “Look, on a scale going up to 10, how much do you love this girl?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh… 14 and a half?”

    (My boss throws his hands up and walks off. My boyfriend turns to me and smiles.)

    Boyfriend: “It’s actually 16, but I didn’t want to seem sappy in front of your boss.”

    Cupid’s Arrow Doesn’t Always Fly Straight

    | London, England, UK | Advice, Dating, Flirting/How We Met, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My coworker is a rather handsome guy. We work in a cosmetics store, and he is regularly hit on by both male and female customers, though is generally seen flirting with the girls. I see him profusely apologising to a rather angry looking woman, who then flounces out and walks off holding another man’s hand. As soon as she’s out of sight, he straightens up, stretches, and turns around with a self-satisfied grin plastered across his face.)

    Me: “What are you so happy about?”

    Coworker: “You know how my girlfriend works in an electronics store?”

    Me: “…you have a girlfriend? Why are you always hitting on the girls that come in?”

    Coworker: “Have you seen how much crap I sell to stupid girls that think buying stuff will make me want them? Anyway, my girlfriend works in an electronics store. She always has guys hitting on her for pretty much the same reason people hit on me. As we kept getting all these numbers, we came up with a plan to deal with them.”

    (Two of our other coworkers, and a slightly disappointed looking customer have gathered around to listen.)

    Coworker: “Basically, every few days we’ll call a few of the numbers and arrange dates with them around the city, sending one of mine and one of hers to the same place at the same time. Neither get the date they were planning on, but people feel like there’s a bond between them when they’re both stood up in the exact same manner. Then, sometimes, you get the ones like exhibit A…”

    (My coworker gestures towards the door, where the rather angry looking woman has just left.)

    Coworker: “These ones like to come back and rub it in your face that they found a better person when we didn’t turn up. It wouldn’t work if we told them what had happened, so we just act really apologetic.”

    Coworker #2: “Holy s***, you’re running a dating service!”

    Customer: *blushing* “Um… I don’t suppose you could do that for me?”

    (My coworker takes her by the shoulder, and leads her towards some of the products.)

    Coworker: “Of course I can. Let’s go and look like I’m selling you something while I do.”

    (My co-worker gives the customer a bar and a time to turn up at. A couple of weeks later, the customer came back to give him a thank you card with her new boyfriend! There’s an ever growing number of couples out there who have no idea that my coworker and his girlfriend are the ones to thank for their relationship!)

    The Notebook Turns You Quackers

    | USA | Advice, Dating, Top

    (One of my male friends at work has recently started a serious relationship with his high school crush. He keeps coming to me, his female friend, for advice. His girlfriend also works with me, and talks to me about their relationship.)

    Friend: “I don’t know what to do! She got a bunch of chick flicks from her sister, and she wants me to watch them all with her.”

    Me: “Just compromise. Alternate between one of her movies, and one of your movies; that way it’s fair. You know, the only reason she’s doing this is because she’s upset you’re spending so much time on your phone playing games and ignoring her.”

    Friend: “That’s true… but I don’t want to watch a bunch of cruddy girl movies!”

    Me: “Oh, but you will… because you love her.”

    Friend: “You’re not going to tell me how to get out of this, are you?”

    Me: “Nope. But if you get really bored and can’t pay attention to the movie, just do what my husband does.”

    Friend: “Which is?”

    Me: “Well, he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulls me in really close and whispers in my ear: “Hey, you know what this reminds me of? Ducks.”

    Friend: “Seriously? I’m not doing that.”

    Me: “Fine, good luck.”

    (The next day, I open with his girlfriend. She starts talking about their date night.)

    Friend’s Girlfriend: “…and then he wrapped his arms around me and started talking about ducks! It came out of nowhere! It totally ruined the movie for me! …Why are you laughing?”

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