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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Category: Advice

    Love advice is best taken lightly, if at all. Thankfully, our friends and families are armed with truckloads of it!

    Time To Step Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Advice

    (I randomly overhear a conversation between two guys in the produce aisle.)

    Guy #1: “Dude, I heard you got a new girlfriend! High five!”

    (They high five.)

    Guy #2: “Yeah, she’s great. My dad isn’t speaking to me now, though.”

    Guy #1: “Because you got a new girlfriend? That’s insane. Did he say what his problem is?”

    Guy #2: “My girlfriend is older than my step-mother.”

    Guy #1: “What?! Dude. You are awesome! Cougar for the winnnnn!”

    (Guy #1 holds his hand up for another high five but Guy #2 leaves him hanging.)

    Guy #2: “It isn’t a big deal. I’m older than my step-mother, too.”

    An Ex-istential Crisis

    | USA | Advice

    (A few months ago, my ex broke up with me but we stayed on relatively good terms. Recently a friend of mine came up to me to tell me he had asked her out. This friend and I also have a mutual male friend who is known for having a thing for me but I don’t see him like that.)

    Friend: “So, [Guy] finally asked me out.”

    Me: “Great!”

    Friend: “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t mad.”

    Me: “Why would I be mad?”

    Friend: “Well you dated him before so I didn’t really know.”

    Me: “Honest. I’m happy for you. Have fun.”

    Friend: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “What do I have to do to prove it, go make out with [Mutual Guy Friend]?”

    Friend: “Oh, wow, you’re serious!”

    The Smell Of Rejection

    | NY, USA | Advice

    (I have been talking to the same guy from an Internet dating site for a few weeks now, and after considerable scheduling effort, we finally meet for a date. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m excited to meet him. My friend texts me the next morning.)

    Friend: “So, how was it last night?”

    Me: “Pretty depressing. It was bad.”

    Friend: “How bad?”

    Me: “Well, he had a smell…”

    Friend: “Oh… that bad.”

    Me: “And then he didn’t even try anything at the end! He said he didn’t feel like we had chemistry… I got rejected by a guy who smells!”

    Friend: “But you didn’t actually like him…”

    Me: “That’s so not the point, [Friend].”

    You Chose The Wrongest Snack

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Advice

    (When I was in fifth grade, my friend was telling some classmates about her crushes.)

    Friend: “I like five guys.”

    Me: *thinking that she is talking about the restaurant* “Yeah, I like their peanuts.”

    (Awkward silence.)

    Magical Friday Nights

    | Montreal, ON, Canada | Advice

    (My roommate and I are at home on a Friday night.)

    Me: “Wanna play Magic: The Gathering?”

    Roommate: “Can’t, I have to reorganize my comic books.”

    Me: “Hey, is your girlfriend coming over tonight?”

    Roommate: “No, she’s going to a punk show. Why?”

    Me: “She left her tattoo sketches in the den. I assume she wants them back.”

    Roommate: “Sure, I’ll let her know… Hey, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Roommate: “…Why did it take me so long to realize my girlfriend is cooler than me?”

    Me: “Well, she loves you and you’re a massive dork, so she can’t be THAT cool.”

    Roommate: “Point taken…”

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