(I’m a nurse, and I am on taking a sweet old woman’s blood pressure while her husband, who has been there all night, sits beside her in a chair. I notice the woman’s beautiful engagement ring.)

Me: “Your ring is stunning! You have excellent taste, sir.”

Old man: “Thank you, I had it engraved for our fiftieth wedding anniversary. That was over ten years ago.”

Me: “Wow. Congratulations, that’s a long time. I just got married last month. How did you make your marriage work for so long?”

Old man: “Well, I always had the last words. And they were always ‘Yes, dear’.”

(I am a Japanese teacher. I am presiding over homeroom. A female student, who had a pretty serious fight with her boyfriend in the hall before homeroom, is intently writing on a piece of paper.)

Student: “Ugh, I can’t do this anymore!”

(She throws down her pen, and calls up to me.)

Student: “Love is too hard!”

Me: “Well, I know it always seems that way after having a fight. But, you know, people have disagreements all the time and work through them. Besides, you’re still young, and part of this age is discovering how to be in a relationship with others. I am sure he is just as upset as you are.”

(She looks at me quizzically and then holds up the paper she is working on.)

Student: “I meant trying to write it in Japanese for your homework.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah. That can be hard, too.”

(I am the only cashier working at this moment. An elderly man, clearly from Ireland, approaches the counter. We are not busy and there is nobody else in line, so we talk for a while and after I ring him through.)

Elderly Man: “I’m buying this for my wife. And this one’s for my daughter-in-law. It’s so hard to decide what to buy for the ladies these days.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s hard to pick things out for the guys, too.”

Elderly man: “Do you have a guy?”

Me: “No I don’t, but I don’t mind–”

Elderly man: “Well, don’t be discouraged! You’re a lovely young lady; very helpful and polite. All you need to do is be yourself, and don’t change for any man. I know if I was a younger man, you would be a good challenge for me. You’re not easy like all the other girls today. You’re very respectable.”

(He’s talking quite loudly, within earshot of several women hanging around nearby. They’re all listening and laughing.)

Me: “Oh…well, thank-you. I appreciate that. Let me run your debit through.”

Elderly Man: “That would be wonderful. By the way, all these fields of clover in this town, when do they get harvested?”

Me: “Um…I don’t know, sir. Right before the frost, maybe?”

Elderly man: “Oh! That makes sense, I never thought of that.”

(I finish ringing him through and bagging his purchases.)

Elderly man: “Thank you. You’ve satisfied an old Irish man’s curiosity.”

Me: “Glad I could help, have a great day!”

Elderly man: “You too, my dear! Stay single!”

Lady approaching the counter: “Yeah…stay single…”

(An older customer enters the restaurant and walks straight to the bar where I’m drying glasses. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “Yes sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s a weak mentality. None of this, ‘Yes sir, no sir,’ business. You need to have confidence in yourself, men don’t like women without confidence!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry sir. See, my job is–”

Customer: “Still with the yes sir, no sir! I don’t like it. Stop it!”

Me: *says nothing*

Customer: “Better.” *walks off to a table*

Also seen on: Not Always Right

(A man comes to my till to buy a roll of satin ribbon. In his other hand, he is holding a tiny gift box of the kind used for jewellery.)

Me: “Oh, are you buying this to tie around the box?”

Customer: *slightly unsure* “Yes?”

Me: “Would you like me to tie if for you?”

Customer: “Oh yes, please!”

(I tie the ribbon in a lovely bow around the box.)

Me: “How’s this?”

Customer: *worried* “It…it may be too good…”

Me: *confused silence*

Customer: “If you saw this would you…would you think it’s a ring?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Would you think I was proposing? Because that wouldn’t be good.”

Me: “I think it’ll be okay.”

Customer: “Right. Well, if it all goes wrong, I’m coming back!”

(The customer leaves with his prettily tied box. So far, I haven’t seen him back. Hopefully this means I haven’t ruined his life!)