(I’m sitting at the kitchen counter, while my boyfriend fixes a cup of coffee. He is serving himself sugar out of the sugar jar. Before he puts it back in the cabinet, he shakes it a little.)

Me: “Why were you shaki—”

Boyfriend: “Boobs.”

(He reaches across the counter and pokes me in the chest. At my expression, he starts laughing, and walks away. A minute later, he comes back.)

Boyfriend: “Anyways, what were you saying?”

Me: “Why were you sha—”

Boyfriend: “Boobs.”

(He reaches across the counter and pokes me in the chest again, laughs loudly, and walks away. A couple of minutes later, he comes back.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, really, what were you saying?”

(I stare at him suspiciously, and cross my arms over my chest.)

Me: “Why were you shaking the sugar?”

(He smiles at me expectantly.)

Me: “…Ugh! Fine!”

(I uncross my arms.)

Boyfriend: “Boobs!”

(He reaches across the counter, and pokes me in the chest. He does, eventually, answer me.)

(My boyfriend and I are on a Skype call.)

Boyfriend: “It amazes me that I can type perfectly at full speed, without looking at the keyboard. Yet I still spill water down my shirt because I missed my mouth.”

Me: “Do you have a drinking problem?”

(He hangs up. I find him again on instant messaging.)

Me: “One Airplane! reference! ONE!”

(One of my boyfriend’s oldest friends is in town. They come by my work to say hi. She’s very pretty, but their relationship has never been romantic. An older woman I work with comes storming up to me shortly after they leave.)

Coworker: “[Boyfriend's name] just came in here with another woman!”

Me: “Yeah, that was [name], an old friend of his.”

Coworker: “And you’re okay with that?”

Me: “Him having friends?”

Coworker: “He. Is. With. Another. Woman!”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s not—”

Coworker: “I can’t believe he would just rub her in your face like that! At least my husband had the decency to be discreet! What happened to being discrete?”

(My boyfriend will often go on weird tangents about superheroes. It’s one of the things I adore about him, figuring out where his mind is going. We’re snuggling in the morning before beginning our day.)

Boyfriend: “You know how you’re at a grocery store, and you see those pyramid type of displays? And how you’re at the front of it, looking, admiring, and thinking about how you don’t want to disturb it, but you want some of the product?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Boyfriend: “So, I was thinking about Superman. He could swoop in and take a can from the bottom-most end of the display, causing it to crash. But because he’s so fast, he’d do it, put the can in your hand, and be around the corner before anyone could see or react.”

Me: “Uh huh…”

Boyfriend: “Then I thought it’d be a cool TV show idea… ‘Superman: The Douche Moves’.”

(It’s now a running theme in our conversations: trying to find the ‘douche-iest’ things that Superman could do.)

(It’s Saturday morning, but I have some errands to run. When I return home it’s still early, so I get naked and return to bed. My boyfriend purrs happily and returns to sleep. About an hour later, he wakes up.)

Boyfriend: “You’re naked!”

Me: “Erm… yes.”

Boyfriend: “You’ve been lying with me naked this whole time, and I didn’t realize it and kept sleeping! I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s okay!”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s not! I’m so sorry; what a waste…”

(He then starts kissing me, always mumbling about the wasted time.)