(I have been telling my boyfriend about a good friend’s engagement—in all its cheesiness. They have been dating just as long as my boyfriend and I.)

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I’m never going to do that. In all honesty, I’d only want to get married for the insurance and tax benefits.”

Me: “And the wedding gifts.”

Boyfriend: “I’m not worth marrying anyway. Don’t marry me for me; marry me for something bigger. We’d have to have a house first, so you couldn’t leave me. A house with a jacuzzi.”

Me: “I’d marry you for a jacuzzi.”

(My girlfriend and I are sitting at a Taiwanese restaurant, looking at the menu.)

Girlfriend: “I think I’m going to be adventurous this time!”

(A waiter walks up to the table.)

Waiter: “Are you ready to order?”

Me: “Yes, I’ll have sweet and sour chicken.”

Waiter: *to my girlfriend* “And you?”

Girlfriend: “Ironically, I’ll have the same thing; sweet and sour chicken.”

(My boyfriend and I are both almost 30. We’re out shopping, when I grab a box of cereal and put it in the shopping cart.)

Boyfriend: “We’ve got plenty of cereal at home already.”

Me: “But we don’t have any [specific brand].”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I know, but we still have about four boxes of cereal.”

Me: “We don’t have [specific brand], though!”

Boyfriend: “Put it back. You can get it when you’ve finished some of your other cereals.”

Me: “But I want it nowwww!”

(We’re both silent for a moment.)

Me: “Man, no wonder my mom hated to take me shopping as a kid.”

(My friend asks me if I wanted to adopt her hedgehog. I’m critter crazy, but my boyfriend not so much. Before accepting, I decide to ask him if it is okay. I walk up to him with huge grin.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, God. Whatever you want, yes.”

Me: “Hedgie?”

Boyfriend: “A hedgehog?”

(He gives me a pained look while I continue grinning.)

Boyfriend: “I can tell you really want it.”

Me: “Really?”

(I squeal and jump around.)

Boyfriend: “When you smile at me like that, how can I say no?”

(I love my new ‘spiky hamster’, as he calls it!)

Me: “You wouldn’t trade me for a car, would you? I had a customer today who offered to trade his girlfriend to my friend for my friend’s ’69 Chevelle Super Sport.”

Boyfriend: “I would.”

Me: “I love you too! But I don’t blame you, because that car is amazing. I would trade you for that car, too.”