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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • Category: Engaged

    Engagement can be a bit like romantic purgatory for some, but at least you get to test drive a ring.

    The Absolute Wrongest Cookie Recipe

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are lying in bed when I have a sudden craving for chocolate chip cookies. Note that my fiancé wants several kids while I only want one or two.)

    Me: “I really want to bake some cookies with you.”

    Fiancé: “I want to bake some cookies with you, too! And by ‘cookies’ I mean children. And by ‘bake’ I mean sex.”

    Me: “So… you want to ‘sex some children’ with me?”

    Fiancé: “Wait, no! I mean… Shush! You know what I mean!”

    See, Hear, Speak, Wear No Evil

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Engaged

    (My fiancé picks me up from work and we do some shopping before returning home. He puts the shopping away while I get changed out of my work clothes. He’s dressed all in black and looks rather sharply dressed, whereas I’m a tomboy who just throws on whatever I find that’s clean. I have no sense of style whatsoever.)

    Fiancé: “So, what do you think of my outfit? Does it look okay?

    Me: “Uhm…” *floundering for words*

    Fiancé: “Does it make me look like a pretentious yuppie?”

    Me: “Uh… I was thinking more ‘theatre major.’”

    Fiancé: “A what?”

    Me: “Theatre major. You know… all black, skin tight clothing, one step short of a mime—”

    Fiancé: “D*** it, woman. I was going for ‘evil,’ but not THAT evil!”

    Even Nothing Has Calories

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Engaged

    Fiancé: “You should whisper sweet nothings in my ear.”

    Me: “Chocolate nothing, vanilla nothing, caramel nothing…”

    Don’t Have Dessert Too URL-y

    | Davie, FL, USA | Engaged

    (I am chatting online with my fiancé about buying stairs or a ramp for our elderly dog so he can get onto our bed. I send him a couple of URLs which include the word “chocolate” as a color descriptor and the weight that they support.)

    Fiancé: “Those URLs sound a lot more tasty than their actual contents. I wanted hundreds of pounds of chocolate.”

    Don’t Forget To Read The Period

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are each on our computers and we’re scrolling through Craigslist looking for furniture. He has a bad habit of not reading a whole word and just guessing what something is based on the letters.)

    Fiancé: “Free tampons!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Fiancé: “Oh, that says trampoline…”

    Me: “…”

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