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  • Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 19
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  • Category: Engaged

    Engagement can be a bit like romantic purgatory for some, but at least you get to test drive a ring.

    His Secret Is Bigger Than Victoria’s

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I mutually decided to wait until after our wedding to be intimate. My fiancé had no experience in that department of any kind, so as a treat we went shopping together the week before our wedding so he could pick out a pair of lingerie for me.)

    Me: *pointing to a pretty silky bra* “Ooh, look at that one! It’s so soft. I’d be petting myself the whole time I was wearing it.”

    Fiancé: “Very pretty! I’d be petting myself, too!”

    Me: *valiantly trying not to laugh, knowing he meant to say something else*

    Fiancé: “What?”

    Me: *repeats what he said*

    (It took him a couple minutes to stop laughing at himself and tell me he meant to say ‘I’d be petting you, too.’)

    I’m Going To Blow Your Mind

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are discussing a couple of mutual friends that we recently started to hang out with more. He is driving.)

    Fiancé: “It’s weird. I never would have thought I’d say this, but I think [Mutual Friends]—”

    (He is cut off in traffic and stops talking for a moment.)

    Me: “I think so, too.”

    Fiancé: *staring* “What?”

    Me: “I said I think so, too.”

    Fiancé: “I never finished my sentence.”

    Me: “You were going to say you think they’ll be lifelong friends, right?”

    Fiancé: “…yes. How did you know?”

    Me: “I’m in yo’ BRAIN!”

    Fiancé: “Well get out! You don’t want to know what else is in there.”

    Me: “Oh, I already had a look around. Kind of a scary place, dear.”

    Jumping To Hysterical Conclusions

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (I am allergic to spider venom, whereas my fiancé is not. He is also rather stoic about bugs and is not really afraid of any of them. This happens when we are riding to his house in the car.)

    Me: *suddenly stiffening* “Honey, there’s a jumping spider right by your head! Don’t move suddenly, or he might jump toward me.”

    Fiancé: *trying to look out of the corner of his eye* “Where? Don’t worry about it. They can’t jump far. An inch, maybe?”

    Me: *leaning as far away as possible* “No, honey, it can jump as far as me over here.”

    Fiancé: *suddenly tense* “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yep. And it’s moving, now. Watch out.”

    (I keep him updated on the location of the spider as we drive down the road, with him getting more and more uncharacteristically nervous. Eventually, the spider slides into a crack in the door and is no longer visible.)

    Fiancé: *glances over and realizes the spider is gone and suddenly screams at the top of his lungs* “OH, MY GOD! IT JUMPED! OH, MY GOD, WHERE IS IT! HOLY CRAP, IT JUMPED!”

    Me: *laughing hysterically* “HONEY! Calm down. It went into the car door.”

    Fiancé: *still yelling* “ARE YOU SURE?! OH, MY GOD, IT JUMPED!”

    Me: *crying from laughing so hard* “It’s just hiding! It didn’t jump on you!”

    Fiancé: *hyperventilating*

    Me: “Do you need to pull the car over? Why are you freaking out so much?”

    Fiancé: “I DON’T KNOW!”

    Me: “I’m the one who’s allergic, not you! Why are you so scared all the sudden?”

    Fiancé: “I DON’T KNOW!” *slowly looks to his door* “Can you still see it?”

    Me: “Yes, honey, it’s still in the door.”

    Fiancé: “Oh, thank God.” *thinks about what just happened* “…I need to hand in my man card, now, don’t I?”

    Me: “Not your best moment, honey.”

    Beard Bad Wolf

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are in a parking lot and he is in the process of unlocking his car. I am tugging the handle and saying ‘let me in! let me in!’)

    Fiancé: “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!” *he has a beard*

    Me: “Then I’ll cut them off!”

    Fiancé: “That’s not how it goes!”

    Me: “Well, I can’t huff and puff my way into your car!”

    Fiancé: “That’s because I’m the third pig and you can’t knock my s*** over!”

    Lets Get Engaged, Whatever

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Dating, Engaged

    (I’ve admittedly become a bit engagement crazed, and talking to my boyfriend about it.)

    Me: “Wouldn’t it be great if at Christmas we could announce that we’re engaged?”

    Boyfriend: “Could be Christmas. Could be sooner.”

    Me: “Wait. What?!”

    Boyfriend: “Or next year. Whenever.”

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