• Time To Step Up
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Category: Engaged

    Engagement can be a bit like romantic purgatory for some, but at least you get to test drive a ring.

    Judge Me By My Size, Do You?

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I — both huge geeks, and both female — are reading random Star Wars memes online. We’re amused to find an article about “These Moves from Star Wars Will Make Your Lightsaber Grow Hot.”)

    Me: “I’ll make your lightsaber grow hot, baby.” *waggle*

    Fiancé: “Ooooh…”

    Me: “So what do you want to do in a galaxy far, far away?”

    Fiancé: “Well, I’ve got some ideas and I’d want to do them for a long, long time.”

    Me: “Lock S-foils in attack position, sweetheart.”

    Fiancé: *pulling my shirt up and fondling my breast* “That’s no moon…”

    Narration Fail

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (My future in-laws are holding their annual Halloween party, and this year, it is vampire-themed. My fiancée and I are in the living room, and I am observing her writing a “Fangria Special” on a whiteboard for a vampire pub set up in the gazebo in the backyard. She accidentally messes up a letter and erases it.)

    Me: *pretending to be the erased letter* “AHHHHHH!”

    (My fiancée gives me a look before returning to her work. A little bit later, she erases another part of the whiteboard.)

    Me: “AHHHHHHH!”

    Fiancée: “Don’t narrate my failures!”

    Me: “I’m not calling them failures! You’re killing them! Don’t you see that, hon? You’re killing your works of art!”

    (My fiancée puts down her marker and gives me a rather appropriately evil and Halloween-ish glare.)

    Fiancée: “I’m killing them because they’re not fit to live.”

    The Many Forms Of Love

    | Australia | Engaged

    (I have two large cold sores on my lip, which have made my bottom lip swell to about twice normal size. Needless to say, I’m feeling self conscious.)

    Fiancé: “It looks like you’re sulking.”

    Me: “I’m not sulking. It’s just my face. I’m hideous.”

    Fiancé: “You’re not hideous. You’re just slightly deformed!”

    Me: “Thanks, baby, that makes me feel so much better.”

    The Bitter Lick Of Justice

    | Carpentersville, IL. USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé knows I hate being licked and loves to do it randomly to be goofy and to gross me out. We’re lying in bed…)

    Fiancé: “Hey, babe, come give me a kiss goodnight.”

    Me: *rolls over to kiss him, but he puts his hand behind my head which is a sure tell sign he’s gonna lick me, so I back away* “No! You’re gonna lick me! I know this and it’s not happening. I just washed my face, so no!”

    Fiancé: “No, I’m not. I just want to kiss you goodnight because I love you. That’s all.”

    Me: “Fine, but no licking!”

    (I lean in and kiss him, and sure enough, he grabs the back of my head and licks my cheek… about 5 minutes after I put on my night-time face crème.)

    Fiance: “Ugh! What in the world! Oh, my god! Why does your face taste like sunblock! Ewwwwww!”

    (He jumps out of bed to brush his teeth and yell some more while I laugh my butt off.)

    Me: “See! I told you I’d get you for doing that eventually!”

    That Was Nothing To Sneeze At

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancée and I are sitting at our individual computers. I tend to drink a lot of cider, and the carbonation makes me burp… a lot. I have just let out a colossal belch when this happens.)

    Fiancée: “Gesundheit.”

    (I stare, thinking I may have misheard her.)

    Me: “Wait… What?”

    Fiancée: “…Oh. No. Not gesundheit. Excuse you. I meant to say excuse you!”

    (By this point, I am laughing hysterically. My fiancée shakes her head.)

    Fiancée: “I f***ed up, man. I f***ed up!”

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