(My fiancé is staying the night at my place. I have a very temperamental cat.)

Fiancé: “Ow!”

Me: “Did Kimba scratch you?”

Fiancé: “Yeah.”

Me: “Yeah, he does that. If he’s had enough of being patted he just attacks.”

Fiancé: “Yeah…I wasn’t exactly patting him.”

Me: “What were you doing?”

Fiancé: “Harassing the crap out of him.”

(My fiancé and I are driving home from Nevada to California. It’s a 9 hour drive, and we’re both tired and a little goofy. He’d just proposed to me the day before, so we’ve been talking about our wedding. He points out a field with a bunch of cows.)

Fiancé: “Hey, let’s just get married in that field!”

Me: “Sure! We can have the cows as witnesses, and a cow priest.”

Fiancé: “If any of you think that this union should not occur, speak now, or forever chew your cud.”

(My fiancé has had long hair for as long as we’ve been together. I am a hairdresser, and he is a weight-lifting martial artist.)

Fiancé: “Hey, I’m thinking of going short, just to see a difference. What do you think?”

Me: “Well, I like your hair, but change is always good. I can do it now if you want me to.”

Fiancé: *completely serious* “Yeah, but…I need my hair long for the wedding! Would it be long enough for then? I need to look pretty!”

(My fiancé and I are having a late dinner at a diner after we get off work. I order a Diet Coke.)

Me: *takes sip of drink* “Aw man, she gave me a regular Coke.”

Fiancé: “Just tell her about it when she comes back to take our order.”

(We order our food and the waitress goes to put in her order. I forget to mention the drink mix-up; however, my fiancé does not.)

Fiancé: *very loudly* “Hey, could you please bring her a Diet Coke instead of a regular?”

Me: “Thanks for remembering! Although now everyone here thinks you’re a chauvinistic jerk.”

Fiancé: “Yeah, that did make me look bad, didn’t it?”

(My fiancé and I are laying in bed discussing eye color. We have similar colored eyes. Green outside and brown near the pupil.)

Fiancé: “Your eyes are like a gorgeous sunset.”

Me: “Or, like dog s*** on a lawn.”

Fiancé: “You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?”