(I am a medical lab scientist.  My fiancé, who is a civil engineer, is about to leave.)
 
Me:  “Bye! I love you! Don’t get DIC!”
 
Fiancé: “What is DIC?”
 
Me: “It’s when your blood clots in the middle of your vein. All the clotting factors and platelets are used up. You basically start haemorrhaging all over.”
 
Fiancé: ”How do I avoid this?”
 
Me: “Avoiding childbirth is a huge part of it.”
 
Fiancé:  “I will try my very best. But I think I don’t need to try very hard. I’m just an engineer, but I’d think I’d need a uterus for that.”
 
Me: “But, I have a uterus! We can share!”
 
Roommate: “You guys are the weirdest couple ever.”

(My fiancé and I are playing games in two different rooms. We’re texting back and forth, so we don’t have to scream at each other.)
 
Me: “I love you.”
 
Fiancé: “It’s snowing outside.”
 
Me: “Really? That’s your response to ‘I love you’?”
 
Fiancé: “I thought we were making general statements.”
 
Me: “You’re a jerk.”
 
Fiancé: “We’re out of waffles.”
 

(While thinking of special songs for our wedding day, I am telling my fiancé about how cheesy some love songs are and how the lyrics aren’t always believable. I get him to sing ‘I Can Love You Like That’ by All 4 One.)

Fiancé: *singing* “I can love you like that! I can make you my world! Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl!”

Me: “Really? Could you really move Heaven and Earth? How would you do that?”

Fiancé: “Meh. I’d push stuff around.”

(I am helping my fiancé clean up his room a little when I find a notebook I recognize.)

Me: “Hey, I found your dream book!”

Fiancé: “My what?”

Me: “Your dream book. I saw it the first time I visited your house. You asked me not to look in it because you had written down some dreams you had with me and you didn’t want me to read them.”

Fiancé: “Oh, yeah, you never told me what you thought of those dreams.”

Me: “What?”

Fiancé: “Wait, you mean you didn’t read it anyway after I left the room?”

Me: “No, why?”

Fiancé: “I had no idea! I wrote a love letter to you on the first page thinking you would instantly start reading after I told you not too.”

Me: “But… I love you. I didn’t want you to get mad at me for looking at it after you asked me not too!”

Fiancé: “Well then read it! It’s really romantic!”

Me: “Okay… but the next time you want me to do something, don’t tell me not to do it!”

(I get to see my fiancé once every two months but we make it work despite the distance and having a one year old daughter. We are snuggling on the couch.)

Me: “You know, we haven’t had any intimate time yet and the baby just went down for the night.”

Fiancé: “But my parents are still up.”

Me: “They are in their room. We’ll just be quiet.”

(We start kissing when his parents burst into the living room.)

Fiancé’s Dad: “Hey, we just finished this movie. Do you guys want to watch it before we return it tomorrow?”

Me: “No, thank you. We watched it earlier.”

(My fiancé’s mom realizes we are trying to have some alone time but his dad doesn’t quite get it.)

Fiancé’s Dad: “Really? What did you think of it? I didn’t think it was as funny as everyone says it is.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Honey, it’s getting kind of late. Let’s just go to bed.”

Fiancé’s Dad: “It’s not that late.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Well, we should probably leave the kids alone.”

Fiancé’s Dad: “I just want to talk about the movie.”

Fiancé’s Mom: “Your son is trying to get laid!”

Fiancé’s Dad: “Oh… Oh! Have fun you two. We’ll turn the TV up.”

(They leave the room and a few moments later we hear their TV blare to life from down the hall.)

Fiancé: *as if nothing happened, he starts kissing my neck* “Are you ready for this?”

Me: “Hold on, I need time to get over how weird that was.”