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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    A Relative Misunderstanding

    | Shingle Springs, CA, USA | Family/Kids

    (I am a junior in high school. I have never had any interest in dating and many of my fellow teenage male students never can fathom this. Sometimes classmates would irritatingly imply a relationship every time they saw me talking to a girl.)

    Classmate: *suggestively* “Hey, [My Name], who’s that cute girl I’ve been seeing you drive to school with every morning?”

    Me: “That would be my SISTER.”

    Classmate: “You’re dating your sister?!”

    Re-Peet Until You Get It Right

    | AB, Canada | Dating, Family/Kids

    (WARNING: This submission contain spoilers for the ending of The Hunger Games. My Mom, sister, and I are at the theatre and see a poster for the new Hunger Games movie, Catching Fire. It reminds me of a conversation I had.)

    Me: “Oh, [Sister], did I tell you what [Friend] told me?”

    Sister: “No, what?”

    Me: “Well, I was telling her how [Boyfriend] is off hunting right now, right? She said ‘Didn’t the kids at camp call you Katniss?’, which I said yes, so then she said ‘So that makes [Boyfriend] Gale.’ Which is awesome! I totally agreed!”

    Sister: “Um, you remember how the books end, right?”

    Me: “Uh, wait.”

    Sister: “She ends up with Peeta.”

    Me: “But, I’m an archer, and, he’s hunting! Katniss and Gale! We’re Katniss and Gale!”

    Sister: “She ends up with Peeta, sorry.”

    Me: “I knew the books ended wrong! We’re Katniss and Gale!”

    Happy She’s Not The Jealous Type

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Dating, Family/Kids

    (When my brother-in-law joins a fraternity, some of his frat-brothers organize a trip to a strip club. They take a limo there for the full experience, but are relying on friends to drive them home after. Only two of them, my future brother-in-law and another, have girlfriends at the time.)

    Frat Boy #1: “Okay, just so everyone knows, I told my girlfriend we’re going to [Other Bar]. Everyone remember that if you happen to run into her.”

    Frat Boy #2: “Got it. What about you, [Brother-In-Law]?”

    Brother-In-Law: “What about me what?”

    Frat Boy #2: “What did you tell your girlfriend? We need to get our stories straight.”

    Brother-In-Law: *looks at them blankly for a moment* “Umm, you do remember that she’s one of our designated drivers, don’t you?”

    The Way To the Heart Is Through A Stomach Grumble

    | CO, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I go to grad school while my boyfriend works a steady job, so normally if I’m working on an assignment, he starts playing video games to ‘stay out of my way.’ This happens while I’m trying to finish a paper while at my parents’ place. My boyfriend is playing on a hand-held console while my mom is knitting. My mom likes to text me private thoughts to avoid saying something embarrassing in front of him.)

    Me: *stomach grumbles for the umpteenth time*

    Mom: *texting* “You know… [Boyfriend] seems bored. Why don’t you get lunch? You sound hungry.”

    Me: *texting back* “I want to finish my paper first! I only need to finish up a few more thoughts. Besides, I’d rather have a peanut butter and honey sandwich than go out. [Boyfriend] is fine. He’s always quiet while I’m working. He’ll be okay once I’m finished.”

    Mom: *still texting* “How you guys manage to communicate at all is beyond me.”

    Me: *stomach rumbles again*

    (Boyfriend gets up and leaves the room without a word, still playing his game.)

    Mom: *in a whisper now* “See, he’s got to be bored out of his mind!”

    Me: “Mom, he’s playing one of his favorite games! Honestly, I won’t be surprised if he wants to get to a good point to stop once I’m free! He could probably play for a few hours…”

    Mom: “I’m just saying… you should talk to him mo—” *stops suddenly as boyfriend comes back in*

    (Boyfriend comes over and puts a plate in front of me before sitting back down and without taking his eyes off his game for a second.)

    Me: “Sweetie, what’s that?”

    Boyfriend: “A peanut butter and honey sandwich.”

    Mom: “How on earth did you know she was craving one?!”

    Boyfriend: “Something about the way her stomach was growling kind of just screamed ‘peanut butter and honey’ to me.”

    Me: “Isn’t he wonderful?”

    Mom: “Okay! Then what is my stomach thinking huh?”

    Boyfriend: *pretending to get close to my mom and listening to her stomach* “Let’s see… I… want… to… eat… something someone else cooked! How about I make dinner tonight?”

    Mom: *stares at me* “You are not allowed to let go of him.”

    The Ring Is The Only Thing Wrapped Around Her Finger

    | NY, USA | Engaged, Family/Kids

    (My fiancé and I got engaged on our five-year anniversary and are getting married on our six-year anniversary. We mark the mid-point by buying our wedding rings. Then we tell my family about our adventure.)

    Fiancé: “So she had the ring all picked out in advance: a nice, simple 2mm rose gold band for $100. I have mine picked out, too, a 4mm yellow gold band for $300.”

    Me: “Except the band looks horrible, so I look at other options, and the lady working there shows me the perfect one…”

    Fiancé: “And then I got it for $1000 more than we had planned on!”

    My Dad: “You’d better get used to spending all your money on her.”

    Fiancé: “Oh I know. It’s the wife-tax: 99% of my income until death… the other 1% goes to the government.”

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