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    Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    Not So Surgical With His Translation

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I have been set up with a girl on a blind date, and am calling her to decide when and where. She only speaks Hebrew, which is not my first language. Over the course of the conversation, I mention the following:)

    Me: “My father actually happens to be in the country right now. He’s a plastic surgeon, and he’s going to a conference in [Resort Town].”

    (I’m now married to her, which is how I know that after the phone call she told her mother this:)

    Girl: “He said something weird about how his father had plastic surgery done and moved to [Resort Town].”

    Set Fire To The Rain

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My brother, who is a landscaper, comes home to his wife.)

    Wife: “How was work?”

    Brother: “Somehow, we set an artificial waterfall on fire.”

    Wife: “…do I want to know how that happened?”

    Brother: “No.”

    The Mother Of All Rejections

    | Stillwater, OK, USA | Family/Kids, Flirting/How We Met

    (I had recently transferred to a hardware store location in my college town after I moved there. This woman in her late 40s walks up to me smiling. I remember her from earlier because she had gone through my line.)

    Pushy Mom: “My son wants me to get your number.”

    Me: “Oh! Uhm… we’re not really allowed to give out our personal phone numbers.” *looks around for help*

    Pushy Mom: “Oh, come on. Just give me your number! He’s out in the parking lot in the car right now. He sent me because he just got off of work and is really dirty and didn’t want to make a bad impression!”

    Me: “I’m not really comfortable with this. Maybe if he came up to me himself?”

    Pushy Mom: “Just give me your NUMBER!”

    Me: “I just moved here and I don’t know my number yet. I wrote down the number of the landline where I’m staying in my pocket… hold on.”

    (I really didn’t want to give her my cell number. But, I did have the rejection hotline number with the area code in my pocket just in case. I copy down the rejection hotline number on a slip of receipt paper, and then she stomped away in a huff after badgering me for my phone number for her son… who was in the parking lot the whole time watching all of that unfold. I really hope he learned his lesson and stopped sending his mom to ask out ladies for him!)

    Marriage For Dummies

    | Richmond, KY, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (This happens as I’m going into the kitchen to make my six-year-old a snack:)

    Daughter: “Daddy wants a snack, too!”

    Me: “No, he doesn’t. He wants a lobotomy.”

    Daughter: “What’s a lobotomy?”

    Husband: “It’s what happens after you get married.”

    Honeymoon Trial Period

    | MB, Canada | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My brother got married recently and is texting my mom:)

    Brother: “Well, I’ve been married six months and [Wife] isn’t prime suspect in a murder case yet!”

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