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  • Having Trouble Exorcizing The Ex
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  • Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    Enough To Give Pregnant Pause, Part 6

    | USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I am just getting to know my boyfriend. We are in his room playing the Sims (a game where you create simulated people in simulated lives where they go to school, get jobs, fall in love, etc.) My boyfriend has made sims of himself and me and has been playing them for a while. His mother comes upstairs and peeks in the room to check on us.)

    Boyfriend’s Mother: “So, how is everyone?”

    (My boyfriend turns to her and announces:)

    Boyfriend: “She’s pregnant!”

    (After a second of utter mortification I hastily assured his mother that he meant in the game, and in the game only!)

    Related:
    Enough To Give Pregnant Pause, Part 5
    Enough To Give Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Enough To Give Pregnant Pause, Part 3

    No Longer Itching To Get Married

    | CA, USA | Engaged, Family/Kids, Fights/Breakups

    (I live with my sister and her fiancée, and the following ensues late at night:)

    Sister: “My hand itches and I don’t know why.”

    Sister’s Fiancée: “Oh, no! It’s itchy-hand-itis! Inflammation of the itchy hand!”

    Sister: *flipping her fiancée off* “Oh, no, looks like my middle finger is now inflamed! I have middle finger-itis!”

    Me: “[Sister], clearly some flesh eating bacteria has taken up residence in your hand.”

    Sister: “You guys are a**holes.”

    Sister’s Fiancée: *puts up her fourth finger* “Well, guess what? You’re an a**hole… forever!”

    Not Crushed By The Weight Of The Relationship

    | IL, USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (My younger brother and his girlfriend started dating while I was away from home. After the fact, I was curious about how it started. Note that both of them are fans of the game “Borderlands” and that there is an achievement called “I have a crush on you,” which is acquired by putting another player in a car crushing machine in game.)

    Me: “So, how did you start dating [Girlfriend]?”

    Brother: “We were playing Borderlands online. She kept getting the ‘I have a crush on you’ achievement, and I sort of caught on.”

    Me: “Don’t ever let her go.”

    Brother: “I know.”

    Good Wife Trumps Good Mother

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have been married for about five months. It’s getting close to noon on a Saturday and we are taking advantage of the first quiet day we’ve had in weeks by simply not moving from bed. The phone rings and I see it is his mother calling.)

    Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Is [Husband] there?”

    Me: *without even glancing in his direction* “He was on-call last night so he’s still sleeping. I’d be happy to take a message, or I can have him call you back when he is awake.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Just have him call me back, then. Bye.”

    (After I hang up the phone he promptly reaches over, pulls me close, and kisses me.)

    Husband: “I didn’t even have to give you a cue. You knew exactly what I wanted.”

    Me: “A good wife knows what her husband wants. You’re welcome.”

    (For the record, he had been on-call the previous night. When he got around to calling her back that afternoon she didn’t answer.)

    Victoria’s Secret Is No Secret

    | MA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I am a girl. I had spent the previous night at my guy friend’s house and he had generously let me use his bed, finding other sleeping arrangements himself. My friend has a girlfriend and neither one of them has ever worried about the other one cheating on them.)

    Me: “Oh, I think I might have left my underwear on your bed when I got dressed this morning. Sorry, I’ll go get it.”

    Friend’s Brother: *laughs* “You should leave them there so that [Girlfriend] will see them.”

    Me: “Oh, come on. There could be an entire lingerie set from Victoria’s Secret strewn about his room and she wouldn’t think he was cheating on her.”

    Friend: “Yeah. She would probably think they were mine.”


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