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Category: Family/Kids

Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

A Spoonful Of Pizza Helps The Beer Go Down

| LA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

(My girlfriend temporarily lives with her aunt. Her mother, who lives out of state, is also visiting for a few weeks. We are Skyping.)

Girlfriend: “I wasn’t in the mood to cook yesterday, [Aunt] was out on a date and mom was sick so we got pizza.”

Me: “Ugh, what a way to spend a Saturday night. I hope your mom’s doing better?”

Girlfriend: “Yeah. I checked up on her later, and brought her some pizza and a beer.”

Me: “Wait… Your mom was sick in bed and you bring her pizza and beer?!”

Girlfriend: “Uh, yeah? She was feeling better and getting her appetite back. She asked for a beer and some food, so I brought it to her. Why?”

Me: “Nothing… but I think I feel a fever coming on. Can you swing by my place?”

What Came First, The Boxes Or The Egg

| AL, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

(I am eating lunch after church with my friend and his wife, who at the time is seven months pregnant.)

Wife: “[Husband], you said that you would move those boxes for me!”

Husband: “Well, you said that you weren’t ovulating!”

Got A Good Handle On The Choices

| CA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Top

(My parents are redesigning their kitchen. My boyfriend and I come over after work so we can all go out to dinner together. When I come home, my Mom presents me with a selection of door handles to give my opinion on.)

Me: *pointing to the two I like best* “I like this one and this one.” *pointing to the one I hate, and knowing that my Mom is a neat freak* “You shouldn’t get this one because the little ridges will never get clean.”

(10 minutes later my boyfriend walks in, and my Mom asks him for his opinion as well.)

Boyfriend: *pointing to the same two I first did* “I like this one and this one.” *pointing to the same one I hated* “You shouldn’t get this one because the little ridges will never get clean.”

Mom: “… Yeah… That was weird.”

A Rejection Reaction

| NY, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

(My wife is pregnant, and has been suffering from particularly bad morning sickness. One morning I go to kiss her, but she runs to the bathroom at the last second. A moment later, I hear her throw up.)

Me: “It’s like high school all over again.”

Not Being Straight With Each Other

| UT, USA | Family/Kids, Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

(I am a gay male but haven’t come out to my family yet. I am house sitting for my grandma while she is in a nursing home recovering from surgery. She has set up a blind date between me and a female nurse. I don’t want to upset her and am not ready to come out, so I go. We are having a great time, but toward the end of the night I start getting really uncomfortable because I don’t want to lead her on.)

Me: “Hey, uh… I need to tell you something about me…”

Date: “Yeah… I need to tell you something, too.”

(She also seems really nervous about something, but I knew that if I didn’t go first I would never get it out.)

Me: “I’m gay. I only came on this date for Nana.”

(She starts laughing, and I am so embarrassed I get up to leave.)

Date: “No, wait. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because I am a lesbian. That’s what I needed to tell you.”

(We both had a laugh at the way Nana roped us into the date and have been close friends ever since!)


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