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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    Keeping It Clean

    | Tallinn, Estonia | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My sister and her boyfriend are still living apart. I go over to my sister’s to find him there, helping her clean the place. He keeps telling her what to do.)

    Sister: *whining to me* “He’s giving me orders! In my own home!”

    Me: “So? Go to his place and order him around there.”

    Boyfriend: “She already did that. That’s why I’m doing this.”

    The Only Child Of The Corn

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I’m white and my boyfriend is Mexican. He often teases me about “white people culture.” We’re at his grandma’s house for a family party, where lots of homemade Mexican food is being served.)

    Boyfriend: “Do you want a tortilla?”

    Me: “Uh, what do you eat the tortillas with?”

    Boyfriend: “I just use it as an edible utensil and pick up all the rest of the food that’s on my plate. Why, is that not how you white people eat tortillas?”

    Me: “No…”

    (He starts teasing me about being a ‘crazy white person,’ and I laugh along. Just then his grandmother comes in.)

    Boyfriend’s Grandmother: *to my boyfriend* “Why are you eating a tamale with a tortilla!?”

    Boyfriend: *defensive* “Why not? They’re both corn…”

    Boyfriend’s Grandmother: “What do you mean ‘they’re both corn!?’ That is not what I’m talking about! You’re the only Mexican I’ve seen eating a tamale with a tortilla!”

    (His grandmother leaves, and my boyfriend turns and looks at me.)

    Boyfriend: “Don’t say a word.”

    Can’t Get A Clean Break

    | Ball, LA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My boyfriend’s refrigerator needs to be cleaned out so I volunteer to help him clean it. As we’re scrubbing, we keep accidentally bumping into each other and I’m getting irritated because I bruise easily.)

    Me: “No offense, babe, but you’re getting in my way. I can do this by myself.”

    Boyfriend: “But it’s my fridge, babe. I’d feel bad making you clean it.”

    Me: “But you’re not making me do it. I volunteered.” *makes a shooing motion* “Move it!”

    (He sits at the kitchen table and starts playing with his cat. A few minutes later, someone knocks on the front door and shouts ‘YO!.’)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! That’s [Friend I haven’t met yet]! I think you’ll like him. He’s pretty a pretty cool guy.” *yells* “The door’s open, man!”

    (To be polite, I stop cleaning and turn around. His friend walks into the kitchen and looks from me to my boyfriend.)

    Boyfriend: “[Friend], this is my girlfriend, [My Name]. [My Name], this is [Friend].”

    Me: *smiles* “Hi there, [Friend]!” *goes back to scrubbing*

    Friend: “Seriously, dude? Making your girlfriend clean your fridge?”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “Hey, it needed to be done! She’s cleaning and I’m supervising.”

    Me: *snorts* “He was just getting in my way so I told him to move.” *turns and smiles again* “Besides, I don’t mind cleaning and little things like this are easier to do by myself.”

    Friend: *to Boyfriend* “Does she have a sister?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. A younger sister but she’s lazy as f***.”

    Friend: “D*** it!”

    Giving Birth To Reason

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My husband and I are at a restaurant, sharing with family members the news that we’re expecting our first child.)

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, so do you know what hospital you’re going to deliver at?”

    Me: “No, not a hospital. We’re doing a home water birth. Much lower key and all of that.”

    Male Relative #1: *perplexed* “[Husband], are you ok with this?”

    Husband: “Sure, I’m fine with it. It means I get to sit on my own couch and [My Name] will be more comfortable.”

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, yeah! Nice!”

    Male Relative #2: “Really? I think I would have a problem if my wife wanted to do that.”

    Husband: “I learned years ago that you don’t tell a grown woman what to do with her body.”

    (Most of his family laughs, and his female relatives give him approving looks and thumbs-ups.)

    Male Relative #2: *shrugs* “Okay, whatever. I’m just saying that if it were me, I think I would have a problem with it.”

    Husband: “And that’s why you’re single.”

    (And that’s why I married him!)

    Actually Did Wear The Name Out

    | NY, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My father, my good friend, my favorite coworker, my ex-boyfriend, and the guy I just started dating, who is a doctor, all have the same first name.)

    Mom: “Doing anything tonight?”

    Me: “I’m going out with [Name] later.”

    Mom: “Work-[Name] or friend-[Name]?”

    Me: “Neither. Remember, it’s Doctor [Name], that guy I met.”

    Mom: “Another [Name]? I don’t think you can date him.”

    Me: “That’s not fair. Ex-[Name] shouldn’t ruin it for all the [Name]s.”

    Mom: “It’s not that. We’re reaching the [Name] limit here. It’s going to be complete chaos soon.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m drawing the line. Next time I meet a [Name], I’m telling him his name is now Phil.”

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