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    Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    Good Wife Trumps Good Mother

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have been married for about five months. It’s getting close to noon on a Saturday and we are taking advantage of the first quiet day we’ve had in weeks by simply not moving from bed. The phone rings and I see it is his mother calling.)

    Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Is [Husband] there?”

    Me: *without even glancing in his direction* “He was on-call last night so he’s still sleeping. I’d be happy to take a message, or I can have him call you back when he is awake.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Just have him call me back, then. Bye.”

    (After I hang up the phone he promptly reaches over, pulls me close, and kisses me.)

    Husband: “I didn’t even have to give you a cue. You knew exactly what I wanted.”

    Me: “A good wife knows what her husband wants. You’re welcome.”

    (For the record, he had been on-call the previous night. When he got around to calling her back that afternoon she didn’t answer.)

    Victoria’s Secret Is No Secret

    | MA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I am a girl. I had spent the previous night at my guy friend’s house and he had generously let me use his bed, finding other sleeping arrangements himself. My friend has a girlfriend and neither one of them has ever worried about the other one cheating on them.)

    Me: “Oh, I think I might have left my underwear on your bed when I got dressed this morning. Sorry, I’ll go get it.”

    Friend’s Brother: *laughs* “You should leave them there so that [Girlfriend] will see them.”

    Me: “Oh, come on. There could be an entire lingerie set from Victoria’s Secret strewn about his room and she wouldn’t think he was cheating on her.”

    Friend: “Yeah. She would probably think they were mine.”

    If I Had Known I Wouldn’t Stick Around

    | Australia | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (We are helping my dad cut down a tree and clear out vegetation. My husband picks up some twigs and throws them at me. I feel something moving on my leg and see a giant stick insect crawling up my leg.)

    Me: *going to pieces* “ARGH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”

    (My father comes across the yard and pulls it off me. I look up and see my husband who had been standing in front of me backing away with a look of terror on his face.)

    Me: “Yay! Saved by daddy, with no thanks to my wimpy husband.”

    Dad: “You both are wimps!”

    (I was actually shocked over how wimpy I had been. Ordinarily I am more of a man than he is!)

    Don’t Say Short And Sweet

    | Eastbourne, England, UK | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I am on the let down of a massive five-day migraine and am having serious sugar cravings.)

    Me: “Mum! [Boyfriend] satisfied my sugar craving!”

    Mum: *funny look* “And just how did he do that?”

    Me: *realising what she is thinking* “Noooo, he gave me sherbet!” *pause* “Plus there isn’t THAT much sugar in that anyway” *wink*

    Boyfriend: *from the other room* “Not listening!”

    Mum & Me: *hysterical laughter*

    Mum: “They do say laughter is the best medicine!”

    Preventing Hiss-teria

    | USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My girlfriend and I have taken some naughty photos on her phone of us together. One day I get a text from her regarding her toddler.)

    Girlfriend: “Oh, my god. My son was playing a game on my phone and somehow accidentally loaded one of the photos we took!”

    Me: “Oh, my god! I feel so terrible! What happened?!”

    Girlfriend: “Don’t worry. I made up a silly excuse of what the photo was so I wouldn’t have to explain it to him.”

    Me: “Oh, good. Thank god. He’s too young to know about anything like that.”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah. Only problem is now he’s jealous that mommy got to ‘kiss a snake,’ and he keeps asking where the snake went.”


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