Featured Story:
  • Sticky Fingers
    (287 thumbs up)
  • Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    The Mother Of All Rejections

    | Stillwater, OK, USA | Family/Kids, Flirting/How We Met

    (I had recently transferred to a hardware store location in my college town after I moved there. This woman in her late 40s walks up to me smiling. I remember her from earlier because she had gone through my line.)

    Pushy Mom: “My son wants me to get your number.”

    Me: “Oh! Uhm… we’re not really allowed to give out our personal phone numbers.” *looks around for help*

    Pushy Mom: “Oh, come on. Just give me your number! He’s out in the parking lot in the car right now. He sent me because he just got off of work and is really dirty and didn’t want to make a bad impression!”

    Me: “I’m not really comfortable with this. Maybe if he came up to me himself?”

    Pushy Mom: “Just give me your NUMBER!”

    Me: “I just moved here and I don’t know my number yet. I wrote down the number of the landline where I’m staying in my pocket… hold on.”

    (I really didn’t want to give her my cell number. But, I did have the rejection hotline number with the area code in my pocket just in case. I copy down the rejection hotline number on a slip of receipt paper, and then she stomped away in a huff after badgering me for my phone number for her son… who was in the parking lot the whole time watching all of that unfold. I really hope he learned his lesson and stopped sending his mom to ask out ladies for him!)

    Marriage For Dummies

    | Richmond, KY, USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (This happens as I’m going into the kitchen to make my six-year-old a snack:)

    Daughter: “Daddy wants a snack, too!”

    Me: “No, he doesn’t. He wants a lobotomy.”

    Daughter: “What’s a lobotomy?”

    Husband: “It’s what happens after you get married.”

    Honeymoon Trial Period

    | MB, Canada | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My brother got married recently and is texting my mom:)

    Brother: “Well, I’ve been married six months and [Wife] isn’t prime suspect in a murder case yet!”

    That’s Enough Happy New Beer

    | NY, USA | Dating, Family/Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (My boyfriend is a lightweight when it comes to drinking, since he rarely has more than a few sips of beer. On New Year’s Eve we’re at his brother’s house with the rest of his family, and he has had a lot to drink. At some point, shortly before the ball drop, he kisses his sister-in-law.)

    Sister-In-Law: “[Boyfriend]! What are you doing?”

    Boyfriend: “I loooooove you, [My Name].”

    Sister-In-Law: “What? I’m not [My Name]. I’m [Sister-in-Law].”

    Boyfriend: “Wait, what?”

    (He looks around in confusion. His brothers are on the floor laughing. I’m a 6’9 muscular Latino man, and his sister-in-law is 5’6, petite, and white.)

    Me: “I’m over here.”

    Boyfriend: “Wow. I’m… really drunk. I thought for sure you were [My Name].”

    (Needless to say, he didn’t have any more to drink after that.)

    Ask Why At The Risk Of Taking A Hike

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My older sister and her boyfriend have come out hiking with the rest of us in an area with winding, poorly marked trails, leading to some confusion as to which way to go. They have been dating for over a year, so I’m comfortable teasing him. He has just wandered away from the group to explore a side path.)

    Sister: “Hey, where’d [Boyfriend] go?”

    Me: “He just went over there exploring.”

    Sister: “I should probably go find him before he gets lost.” *follows path*

    Boyfriend: *leaving a different path* “Hey, that trail loops around back here! Wait, where’s [Sister]?”

    Me: “She just went looking for you.”

    Boyfriend: *grinning* “Why?”

    Me: “Because you’re her boyfriend.”

    Boyfriend: *pause* “I’m not going to ask ‘Why’ on that one.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m not sure either.”

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