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    Category: Family/Kids

    Family and/or kids always adds spice to any relationship. Specifically, the kind of spice that gets in your eyes and makes you cry.

    Happy She’s Not The Jealous Type

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Dating, Family/Kids

    (When my brother-in-law joins a fraternity, some of his frat-brothers organize a trip to a strip club. They take a limo there for the full experience, but are relying on friends to drive them home after. Only two of them, my future brother-in-law and another, have girlfriends at the time.)

    Frat Boy #1: “Okay, just so everyone knows, I told my girlfriend we’re going to [Other Bar]. Everyone remember that if you happen to run into her.”

    Frat Boy #2: “Got it. What about you, [Brother-In-Law]?”

    Brother-In-Law: “What about me what?”

    Frat Boy #2: “What did you tell your girlfriend? We need to get our stories straight.”

    Brother-In-Law: *looks at them blankly for a moment* “Umm, you do remember that she’s one of our designated drivers, don’t you?”

    The Way To the Heart Is Through A Stomach Grumble

    | CO, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I go to grad school while my boyfriend works a steady job, so normally if I’m working on an assignment, he starts playing video games to ‘stay out of my way.’ This happens while I’m trying to finish a paper while at my parents’ place. My boyfriend is playing on a hand-held console while my mom is knitting. My mom likes to text me private thoughts to avoid saying something embarrassing in front of him.)

    Me: *stomach grumbles for the umpteenth time*

    Mom: *texting* “You know… [Boyfriend] seems bored. Why don’t you get lunch? You sound hungry.”

    Me: *texting back* “I want to finish my paper first! I only need to finish up a few more thoughts. Besides, I’d rather have a peanut butter and honey sandwich than go out. [Boyfriend] is fine. He’s always quiet while I’m working. He’ll be okay once I’m finished.”

    Mom: *still texting* “How you guys manage to communicate at all is beyond me.”

    Me: *stomach rumbles again*

    (Boyfriend gets up and leaves the room without a word, still playing his game.)

    Mom: *in a whisper now* “See, he’s got to be bored out of his mind!”

    Me: “Mom, he’s playing one of his favorite games! Honestly, I won’t be surprised if he wants to get to a good point to stop once I’m free! He could probably play for a few hours…”

    Mom: “I’m just saying… you should talk to him mo—” *stops suddenly as boyfriend comes back in*

    (Boyfriend comes over and puts a plate in front of me before sitting back down and without taking his eyes off his game for a second.)

    Me: “Sweetie, what’s that?”

    Boyfriend: “A peanut butter and honey sandwich.”

    Mom: “How on earth did you know she was craving one?!”

    Boyfriend: “Something about the way her stomach was growling kind of just screamed ‘peanut butter and honey’ to me.”

    Me: “Isn’t he wonderful?”

    Mom: “Okay! Then what is my stomach thinking huh?”

    Boyfriend: *pretending to get close to my mom and listening to her stomach* “Let’s see… I… want… to… eat… something someone else cooked! How about I make dinner tonight?”

    Mom: *stares at me* “You are not allowed to let go of him.”

    The Ring Is The Only Thing Wrapped Around Her Finger

    | NY, USA | Engaged, Family/Kids

    (My fiancé and I got engaged on our five-year anniversary and are getting married on our six-year anniversary. We mark the mid-point by buying our wedding rings. Then we tell my family about our adventure.)

    Fiancé: “So she had the ring all picked out in advance: a nice, simple 2mm rose gold band for $100. I have mine picked out, too, a 4mm yellow gold band for $300.”

    Me: “Except the band looks horrible, so I look at other options, and the lady working there shows me the perfect one…”

    Fiancé: “And then I got it for $1000 more than we had planned on!”

    My Dad: “You’d better get used to spending all your money on her.”

    Fiancé: “Oh I know. It’s the wife-tax: 99% of my income until death… the other 1% goes to the government.”

    Keeping It Clean

    | Tallinn, Estonia | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My sister and her boyfriend are still living apart. I go over to my sister’s to find him there, helping her clean the place. He keeps telling her what to do.)

    Sister: *whining to me* “He’s giving me orders! In my own home!”

    Me: “So? Go to his place and order him around there.”

    Boyfriend: “She already did that. That’s why I’m doing this.”

    The Only Child Of The Corn

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I’m white and my boyfriend is Mexican. He often teases me about “white people culture.” We’re at his grandma’s house for a family party, where lots of homemade Mexican food is being served.)

    Boyfriend: “Do you want a tortilla?”

    Me: “Uh, what do you eat the tortillas with?”

    Boyfriend: “I just use it as an edible utensil and pick up all the rest of the food that’s on my plate. Why, is that not how you white people eat tortillas?”

    Me: “No…”

    (He starts teasing me about being a ‘crazy white person,’ and I laugh along. Just then his grandmother comes in.)

    Boyfriend’s Grandmother: *to my boyfriend* “Why are you eating a tamale with a tortilla!?”

    Boyfriend: *defensive* “Why not? They’re both corn…”

    Boyfriend’s Grandmother: “What do you mean ‘they’re both corn!?’ That is not what I’m talking about! You’re the only Mexican I’ve seen eating a tamale with a tortilla!”

    (His grandmother leaves, and my boyfriend turns and looks at me.)

    Boyfriend: “Don’t say a word.”


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