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    Category: LGBTQ

    We are family: all my brothers, sisters and me. This category is for all our LGBTQ friends who show that love knows no bounds.

    I Got 99 Problems But A Girl Ain’t One

    | Australia | Dating, LGBTQ

    (I’m a bisexual woman, and I recently started dating a man who is not the stereotypical image of ‘manly.’)

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I had all my man-cards revoked years ago!”

    Me: “How far in the negatives do you think you might be?”

    Boyfriend: “Probably negative 99.”

    Me: “Ha! Is that because that’s where it maxes out?”

    Boyfriend: *fake sad* “Aww…”

    Me: “It’s fine, babe… You know I like girls.”

    Boyfriend: *bursts out laughing* “Aww!”

    The Nerve Of Some People

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Dating, LGBTQ

    (My boyfriend is transgender and sometimes wears a ‘packer,’ or prosthetic penis, as part of his gender expression. We are lying in bed snuggling and I start smooching him and grabbing his crotch.)

    Boyfriend: “I have NO idea why it feels so good when you do that. That thing doesn’t even have any nerve endings!”

    Me: “Because I’m touching you in a way that is simultaneously respectful and stimulating to both your physical anatomy and your gender identity?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh. Oh, yeah! When you put it that way, no wonder it’s so hot!”

    A Charitable (In)experience

    | Australia | Dating, LGBTQ

    (I’ve just discovered an article about gay men being asked to draw lady parts. Note: we haven’t slept together yet and my boyfriend is very inexperienced.)

    Me: “Hey, check this out.”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “This is hilarious.”

    Me: “They even have a campaign to fund a picture book!”

    Boyfriend: “Would it be weird if I contributed to this?”

    Me: “You totally could! You haven’t seen enough yet.”

    Boyfriend: “I meant donating money…”

    Me: “I honestly didn’t think of that.”

    Happy To Have Not Been Of Service

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ, Theme Of The Month

    (As a female cashier at a large home improvement store, I’m sad to say that I get a lot of patronizing and crude customers. This particular gentleman is perfectly normal until…)

    Customer: “So you’re in school, aren’t you? What are you majoring in? Besides

    boys?”

    (He winks and leers at me.)

    Me: *deadpan* “Psychology, and I’m gay.”

    Customer: “So… you’re happy, then.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “‘Gay’ means ‘happy.’”

    Me: “I’m attracted to women, sir.”

    Customer: “…oh.”

    (He didn’t look me in the eye for the rest of the transaction.)

    Reading The Situation Wrong

    | Seattle, WA, USA | LGBTQ, Marriage & Partners

    (I am female. My wife can get sort of loopy when she is tired. Many nights, she falls asleep while holding a book, and gets upset when I try to take it away or wake her up. This night, however, she isn’t reading, she just falls asleep early.)

    Me: “Hey, sweetie. Wake up. We need to brush our teeth and stuff.”

    Wife: *as she wakes up* “READING! I’m still reading!”

    Me: “Um… no you weren’t.”

    Wife: “WHERE’S MY BOOK?”

    (She starts patting the bed and frantically searching, so I hand her a book from the shelf.)

    Me: “Um, here, but we need to brush our teeth.”

    Wife: *accusingly* “I. Am. READING!”


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