(Because my girlfriend and I are lesbians, we get a lot of drivers honking and catcalling at us when we walk down the street together. One night, we are walking home after dinner, and we hear a car honk when we are crossing the street.)

Girlfriend: “Wait, who is…?”

(The car honks again. I become agitated, assuming the worst.)

Me: “I swear, if they’re honking at us, I’m going to go right up to them and punch them in the—”

Girlfriend: “[Name]! It’s your FAMILY!”

(Sure enough, my mom, father, and brother are all waving at us from the intersection. I use my girlfriend’s hand to face-palm myself.)

(I’m female, but people sometimes think I’m male, especially in photographs. My name is unisex, but I have a high voice. My classmates I chat with online are always putting me in group chats with a lot of other schoolmates that I don’t personally know. I’ve become friends with some of them in actual life. One male schoolmate I’ve been talking to online wants to meet after classes.)

Me: “Hi [name], nice to meet you offline.”

(He looks very surprised to see me.)

Schoolmate: “Wow, nice to meet you too!”

Me: “You look pretty surprised. Am I much different than I appeared to be?”

Schoolmate: “Oh, man, this is going to sound stupid. Please don’t be mad.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Schoolmate: “The photo you gave me online; I thought you were a guy.”

Me: “Ah, that happens at times. I’m used to being mistaken. Honestly, don’t worry about it. Wait, wasn’t I telling you about a necklace I got from my parents the other day? And the other girly stuff?”

Schoolmate: “Well, I guess you could say I’m used to it. I’ve dated guys who wear jewelry and that.”

Me: “Well, this is sure an interesting conversation. I didn’t know you were gay. I’m straight though.”

Schoolmate: “Do you think I could I ask you out? I’m not gay; I’m bi.”

Me: “You’re really asking me?”

Schoolmate: “Yes.”

Me: “Let’s give it a try!”

(A year later, we’re still together.)

Related:
The Hidden A-Gender

(My girlfriend and I are both women. She has never seen any ‘Star Trek’ before, but is interested in seeing the upcoming film. We’re in my basement watching the 2009 film. Kirk’s academic hearing starts. My girlfriend has literally seen two seconds of Kirk and Spock looking at each other.)

Girlfriend: “Ship it.”

Me: “It took you two seconds to latch onto the fandom’s most popular pairing, bravo!”

(I am a lesbian and married. My little sister is introducing my wife around her office building. I have neglected to come along because I have an anxiety disorder. My wife is short, very skinny, and all around tiny.)

My Sister: “…and this is my big sister’s wife.”

Coworker: *looks horrified and says nothing*

My Sister: “They are married.”

Coworker: *still horrified, saying nothing*

My Sister: “They are gay…”

Coworker: *still horrified*

My Sister: “They. Are. Lesbians.”

(My sister is very angry. My wife however, is perfectly calm.)

My Wife: “I’m 26.”

Coworker: “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that!”

(She thought my wife was 14 or 15, and was utterly horrified about that, and not about anything else. I almost peed myself when I heard, but it’s nice to know my little sister has my back.)

(My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I have been openly bisexual the whole time I have been with him. I am looking at a picture of my friend on Facebook.)

Me: “Oh, wow, her new hairstyle makes her look so cute!”

Boyfriend: “Cute? Why the h*** are you checking out girls!? You’re with me!”

Me: “Well, yeah, but I am not really checking her out. She’s my friend.”

Boyfriend: “Then why did you say she’s cute? Are you gay or something?”

Me: “Well, I think she’s cute! And we’ve been over this before; I’m bisexual.”

Boyfriend: “There’s no f****** thing as bisexual!”

Me: “Um… yes there is.”

Boyfriend: “No! There’s only gay or straight! If you’re gay, get the f*** away from me and go date some d***! If you’re straight, marry me!”

(I dumped him about a month later, after he had told me to remove all non-family members from my phone and Facebook.)