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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    A Dual Cheek Duality

    | Winchester, ON, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has a strange habit of praising my butt in weird ways. This is probably the weirdest praise I’ve ever heard for it.)

    Husband: “I like your butt. It’s very nice.”

    Me: *having heard this before* “Okay.”

    Husband: “And soft.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Husband: “And plush.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Husband: “And firm!”

    Me: “Wait, how can something be both plush and firm at the same time?”

    Husband: “It depends which way you’re lying down. YOUR BUTT IS AMAZING!”

    When You Have To Go Away, You Have To Go

    | Sweden | Marriage & Partners

    (We are cuddling, a couple of days before I have to leave the country for a month.)

    Partner: “I don’t want you to go for so long…” *pause* “I guess at least I’ll have work to distract me.”

    Me: *sigh* “Ooh, also, when I’m gone you can poop with the door open all the time!”

    Partner: *lightens up a bit* “Yeah! I promise I’ll think of you every time I do it!”

    As Long As He Doesn’t Become A Scrooge McDuck

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are coming home from an event, and we’re both hungry. We’re debating picking up a ready-made hot pizza rather than having to make something at home. My husband is driving.)

    Husband: “Yeah, let’s go ahead and get the pizza. It’s only five ducks.”

    Me: “Um… did you mean to say five BUCKS? Because you totally said ducks. Haha!”

    Husband: “I don’t know about you, but I have recently switched to the new duck-based currency.”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: *turns to look at me, deadpan* “… ducks are VERY hard to forge.”

    Me: *dissolves into laughter*

    African Adonis

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are on the way home when I comment on a particularly fit man that was in the line at the movie theater.)

    Me: “That man seriously had the body of a Grecian god!”

    Husband: “Don’t be silly. The Grecian gods were all white with small penises. He might have been an African god…”

    Me: “That man could probably tackle an elephant to the ground. He could ride lions. When he steps on the Savannah the hyenas stop laughing.”

    As Long As You Are All Together

    | Finland | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s Saturday morning and I am about to make breakfast.)

    Me: “I’m thinking about making some eggs for myself. I don’t suppose you want any.”

    Husband: “No, I’m not really a big egg man.”

    Me: “Does that mean you’re the walrus?”

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