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  • Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    A Weightless Weight Comment

    | Kona, HI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (For our honeymoon, I’ve convinced my wife to go scuba diving with me. First time divers need to figure out the proper amount of additional lead weights to add to their gear to compensate for buoyancy. My wife has just jumped in and is obviously carrying too much.)

    Me: “Honey, this is probably the only time for the rest of our lives it’ll be safe for me to say this… I think you might be overweight.”

    Wife: “Yep. That was your one time. Next time, I’m drowning you.”

    It’s Not Always Moonlight And Roses

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband was raised in a family that doesn’t celebrate holidays and grew up never receiving or giving gifts. As a result, he often has a hard time selecting appropriate gifts for me. It’s about a week before Valentine’s Day.)

    Husband: *handing me a single rose* “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe. I thought I’d surprise you by giving you your gift early.”

    Me: “That’s so sweet! Thank you.”

    Husband: “I know it’s just a single rose…”

    Me: “Oh, but a single rose is so romantic. This is perfect.”

    Husband: “…but I sure as hell wasn’t going to spend $50 on a whole dozen! Besides, the cat will just end up eating them and puking them up on the carpet, anyway.”

    Me: “…know when to stop talking, honey.”

    Feed The Love

    | TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We are having a quiet day at home. Our daughter is asleep, and I just finished cleaning the kitchen after a fantastic dinner I cooked for him.)

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Why do you love me?”

    Husband: “Because you feed me.”

    A Special Spot In The Sky

    | Kensington, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s my wife’s and my two-year anniversary and I want to make a huge romantic gesture. I hire a skywriter to write ‘I love Agnes.’ We are walking when I point it out.)

    Me: “Hey, look!”

    Wife: “Oh! A skywriter!”

    Me: “For you.”

    Wife: “Aww! So romantic! ‘I… love… A… ACNE?”

    Not Feline The Love

    | Canada | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband walks into my office.)

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Love you, too.”

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Husband: “I loooooove you.”

    Me: “…you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

    Husband: “It works for the cats.”

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