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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Come On Let’s Go And Slay

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My wife and I saw ‘Frozen,’ but got one of the songs so stuck in our heads that we’re not allowed to even allude to it now. We’ve just bought a car.)

    Wife: “Look at all the storage space in here! You can open this and this and this… What do you think?”

    Me: “That’s a lot of space!”

    Wife: “Definitely!”

    Me: *singing softly* “Will you help me hide a body?”

    (She was angrier about being reminded of that song again than by my idea for the car’s use!)

    Don’t Give Him A Song And Dance Over It

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are a bit heavy. As such we tend to break cheaper toilet seats and since we’re low income, we have to buy the cheap $12-$16 toilet seats every four months or so. Finally my husband has had enough and uses some of his savings to buy an all wood, $30 seat.)

    Me: “You realize this is a bad idea, right? It’s going to splinter.”

    Husband: “No, it’s wood. It won’t break like the plastic did.”

    Me: “It’s still just wood. It’s going to break just like the rest. Maybe sooner since it’s got a grain pattern. Plastic is one solid piece.”

    Husband: “It will last! I am telling you it will last longer.”

    (Knowing my husband likes to win I concede but tell him the minute it breaks I’m doing a victory ‘I told you so’ dance. He laughs and says to go for it. Two weeks later. Husband is in the bathroom when I hear him shouting.)

    Husband: “Son of a b****!”

    Me: *worried* “Are you okay?”

    Husband: “Yeah, give me a minute.”

    (I’m concerned but go back to what I was doing. Husband comes out a couple minutes later.)

    Husband: “Okay, go ahead.”

    Me: “What?”

    Husband: “Do your dance.”

    Me: “It broke?”

    Husband: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What was the ‘son of a b*****’ for?”

    Husband: “A sensitive portion of my anatomy was sitting on the place where it split.”

    (I felt so bad I didn’t bother with an ‘I told you so.’ FYI: he’s fine, just embarrassed!)

    Blinded By Your Love

    | Schenectady, NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m in the car with my mom and her wife. We’re listening to a song which has the line ‘you’re the sun in my eyes’ in it.)

    Me: “I wouldn’t want someone to be the sun in my eyes. Now, that would just be annoying!”

    Mom’s Wife: *to my mom* “You’re just the sun in my life.”

    Me: “Aw, she gives you cancer.”

    Mom’s Wife: “Ozone-less sun.”

    Me: “Well, then, she’d just give you immediate cancer!”

    Mom’s Wife: “You know what I mean!”

    Reading The Situation Wrong

    | Seattle, WA, USA | LGBTQ, Marriage & Partners

    (I am female. My wife can get sort of loopy when she is tired. Many nights, she falls asleep while holding a book, and gets upset when I try to take it away or wake her up. This night, however, she isn’t reading, she just falls asleep early.)

    Me: “Hey, sweetie. Wake up. We need to brush our teeth and stuff.”

    Wife: *as she wakes up* “READING! I’m still reading!”

    Me: “Um… no you weren’t.”

    Wife: “WHERE’S MY BOOK?”

    (She starts patting the bed and frantically searching, so I hand her a book from the shelf.)

    Me: “Um, here, but we need to brush our teeth.”

    Wife: *accusingly* “I. Am. READING!”

    The Winning Half Of The Argument

    | London, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have a habit of addressing each other in rather unconventional ways. I’m in my study when he walks in.)

    Me: *deadpan* “Hello spouse, partner, or significant other.”

    Husband: “I think you’ll find the term is ‘better half.’”

    Me: “Only when it’s you talking.”

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