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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    A Very Old Sense Of Direction

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My wife and I are flying home from New York, I finished my book and can’t get my phone to link to anything and found a compass in my carry on. Out of boredom, I put it on the tray table.)

    Wife: “What’s that?”

    Me: “Compass. I found it in the bag; thought I’d watch which direction we’re flying.”

    Wife: “Okay, you are officially old if you find that entertaining.”

    Marriage Can Be Taxing

    | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (During a day trip to the boardwalk, my husband and I are discussing where to eat dinner.)

    Husband: “How about [Sushi House]?”

    Me: “I don’t know… It’s pretty expensive there.”

    Husband: “It’s only a little more than it is at [Sushi House Back Home.]”

    Me: “It’s about half-again as expensive.”

    Husband: “It’s not that bad. Let’s go, and I’ll prove it.”

    (Later at the sushi house…)

    Husband: *looking over the menu* “The [appetizer] is $9. That’s not too bad. How much is it at [Sushi House Back Home?]”

    Me: “Six.”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “Half-again as expensive.”

    Husband: “Well, we’ll just call it a ‘beach’ tax.”

    Me: “How about we call it a ‘[Husband] doesn’t listen’ tax?”

    Husband: *joking* “That’s not a real tax!”

    Me: *deadpan* “Then, why have I been paying it for ten years?”

    About To Be Put In Their Ex-File

    | NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My partner and I are watching the X-Files. On screen…)

    Scully: “Oh, my. This woman’s been given a lobotomy…”

    Mulder: “So we’re looking for a doctor? Someone with medical training?”

    Scully: “No, Mulder, whoever did this…did it wrong.”

    (My partner pauses the TV.)

    Partner: “Isn’t a botched lobotomy still a lobotomy?”

    Me: “Except one’s a lobotchomy.”

    When The Cure Is Worse Than The Disease…

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have recently been diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer. The night this story takes place is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. Tomorrow is my first treatment of chemotherapy and radiation. It is also important to note that my wife is a veterinarian.)

    Wife: *hugs me* “Happy new year!”

    Me: *subdued* “Yeah…”

    Wife: “It will be a happy new year, because we’re going to get you fixed.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Wife: “No, not that way! I mean we’ll get you better. Better!”

    Love, And Other Drugs, Part 6

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I just got a wave of nerdy emotion and felt the need to express my romantic-sexual feelings to my husband.)

    Me: “I like releasing seratonin and oxytocin with you.”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: *putting my hand on his leg and staring at him* “It’s true.”

    Love, And Other Drugs, Part 5
    Love, And Other Drugs, Part 4
    Love, And Other Drugs, Part 3

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