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  • Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    The Number One Spell

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is goofing off and randomly waves his hand around as though he is holding a wand. He pivots and points towards me, lifting his leg up in a weird move, and shouts:)

    Husband: “Swish and flick.”

    (The two of us proceed to burst out laughing. He then goes to the bathroom and I hear:)

    Husband: “Now swish and piss.”

    Time To Take A Maturity Test(es)

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just finished telling my husband about a comic I was reading that featured a tiny drawing of a penis.)

    Me: “Penis. Heh.” *giggling* “Peeeeniiiiiissss.”

    Husband: “Penis.”

    Me: “Hah, you said penis, too!” *laughing harder*

    Husband: “Vagina.”

    Me: “Yeah, that ones not as funny.”

    Husband: “Scrotum.”

    Me: *laughing again* “Testes.” *abruptly stops laughing* “Oh, my god, why do we always do this?”

    (The sad part? We actually do this every few months…)

    The Bar Was Set Before The Marriage

    | Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s my bachelorette party and my bridesmaids and I are enjoying a nice meal at an Irish tavern downtown. My soon-to-be husband and his groomsmen are off doing their thing. We’ve had no communication all day. As we’re sitting there, one of my bridesmaids’ husband strolls in. Said bridesmaid gets up to talk to him.)

    Me: “What is he doing here?”

    Bridesmaid: *laughing* “He says the guys are outside.”

    Me: *laughing as well* “Really?”

    Bridesmaid’s Husband: “Should I tell them to go somewhere else?”

    Me: *half joking* “We were here first…”

    Bridesmaid’s Husband: “Okay, then.”

    (He left and the guys went to a different bar in town. At our wedding reception, my brother-in-law, who was the best man, told this story. Just goes to show how much my husband and I have in common!)

    You Lost Him At ‘Naked’ And ‘Rack’

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (The oven timer goes off and I go to check the pizza that my husband has put in the oven. I notice that he put the pizza on a cookie sheet and walk back into the living room.)

    Me: “[Husband], the pizza isn’t supposed to go on the cookie sheet.”

    Husband: “No one told me this!”

    Me: *motioning dramatically as if he has committed a grave crime* “[Husband], the pizza is supposed to lie naked in the warm embrace of the rack in the oven!”

    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 15

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are shopping in a grocery store. I’m pregnant and not feeling great. My husband has a tendency of claiming anything he does is out of sympathy for my pregnancy. We’re in an aisle that we will be leaving soon, I think. I bend over to grab something off the shelf and fart by accident, but it’s silent. I get self-conscious.)

    Me: “Hey, are we done in this aisle?”

    Husband: “We need to leave RIGHT NOW.”

    Me: “OKAY.”

    (We scoot on out of there and he whispers to me.)

    Husband: “I farted in that aisle. It was pretty bad.”

    Me: *touched* “I did, too. It was also pretty bad.”

    Husband: “This is how I know we are meant to be together.”

    Me: “Psh, I’m pregnant; what’s your excuse?”

    Husband: “Uh… sympathy fart?”

    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 14
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 13
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 12

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