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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Breast Laid Traps

    | MB, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are laying naked in bed at the end of the day.)

    Husband: *places hand on my breast and squeezes* “I trapped a booby!”

    Me: “Yup, you sure did.”

    Husband: *snickers and takes hand off my breast* “Know what this is?”

    Me: “What?”

    Husband: “A booby-trap!”

    Blanket Response To Sleep Talking

    | Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep, with often amusing outcomes. This happens early one Saturday morning.)

    Husband: *looks over at me under two blankets* “You, with all those blankets… you look like a mammoth.”

    Me: “…what?”

    Husband: “You probably think I’m sleep-talking… but I’m not.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Husband: *snore*

    Doesn’t Fancy Your Morning Routine

    | Reno, NV, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My alarm has just woken me; my husband is a notoriously heavy sleeper.)

    Me: *shakes his shoulder* “Honey, time to get up.”

    Husband: *drowsily cuddles up to me and buries his face in my boob*

    Me: “Yes, yes, you’re very cute, but it’s time to wake up.”

    (At this point I notice he has begun lazily gesticulating his man-bits against my thigh.)

    Me: “Babe, what are you doing?”

    Husband: *in the sleepiest, sweetest voice ever* “Gettin’ FANCY.”

    (He had no recollection of this when he finally did wake up and has not yet lived down the time he was ‘gettin’ FANCY.’)

    Good Wife Trumps Good Mother

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have been married for about five months. It’s getting close to noon on a Saturday and we are taking advantage of the first quiet day we’ve had in weeks by simply not moving from bed. The phone rings and I see it is his mother calling.)

    Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Is [Husband] there?”

    Me: *without even glancing in his direction* “He was on-call last night so he’s still sleeping. I’d be happy to take a message, or I can have him call you back when he is awake.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Just have him call me back, then. Bye.”

    (After I hang up the phone he promptly reaches over, pulls me close, and kisses me.)

    Husband: “I didn’t even have to give you a cue. You knew exactly what I wanted.”

    Me: “A good wife knows what her husband wants. You’re welcome.”

    (For the record, he had been on-call the previous night. When he got around to calling her back that afternoon she didn’t answer.)

    Passing Some Rolling Stones

    | OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband was experiencing a rather noisy episode in the bathroom. After a few minutes, mock indignant, I yelled from the other end of the house:)

    Me: “I don’t have to listen to that s***!”

    Husband: *laughing* “It’s gas.”

    (After a short pause, we both simultaneously started singing:)

    Me & Husband:Jumping Jack Flash, it’s a gas, gas, gas!

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