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  • July's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Thirty Years Of Good Advice

    | Ireland | Advice, Marriage & Partners

    (I work as a receptionist at a therapy centre. One of our physical therapists has a regular client who is an elderly man from near my hometown, so we hit it off from day one. I got married recently, so was away for two weeks. When I come back…)

    Client: “Well, how are you now?”

    Me: “I’m good, [Client], how are you?”

    Client: “Ah, not too bad now. How’s married life?”

    Me: *tired of this question but unable to get annoyed with him* “You know, it’s no different if I’m honest. Just, everyone asks that.”

    Client: “Ach, well, just remember: The first thirty years are the hardest.”

    (If I’m honest, that was probably the best marriage advice I got from anyone…)

    Spinning A Different Yarn

    | Edgerton, WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m male, and I like to sew. I recently bought a sewing machine and have just gotten a sewing basket so I wouldn’t have to keep everything in an old plastic bag. I fill it and bring it into our dining room, where our cat, Louie, is VERY curious. The following conversation ensues:)

    Me: *to Louie* “No, you can’t play with the cat toys in there.”

    Wife: “You have cat toys in there?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Wife: “You made cat toys already?”

    Me: “No.”

    Wife: “Oh, you bought them. I didn’t know the craft store had cat toys.”

    Me: “They don’t.”

    Wife: “Where did you get them?”

    Me: “Think about it. What’s in a sewing basket?”

    Wife: “What?”

    Me: “Spools of thread, bobbins, pincushion, seam ripper…”

    Wife: “Oh! Right! Cat toys!”

    Making The Logical Jump

    | UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My toddler is watching WALL-E, and we’ve just watched the scene where they

    jump into hyperdrive.)

    Me: “Would the jump really be that noticeable?”

    Husband: “Do you notice it when you accelerate quickly in your car?”

    Me: “Yeah, but my car doesn’t have artificial gravity!”

    Husband: *laughs* “I’m sorry, that was just too funny. Think about what you just said!”

    How To Cure Love Sickness

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “I have an ache deep in my loins for you.”

    Husband: “You should probably take some Tylenol for that.”

    His World Just Went Pop

    | Norway | Marriage & Partners

    (I have a weird problem; I get songs stuck in my head incredibly easy. Even if it’s just background noise my brain picks it up and plays it over and over till I want to kill myself. Pop songs are the worst, and because of this I never listen to the radio, and I always wear headphones when I go somewhere where I can be subjected to random music. However, I really like metal music and don´t mind having metal songs stuck in my head. My husband is also a huge metal head, and he has only ever experienced me listening to metal. Lately, I have started taking classes at my gym, which means I can not wear my headphones and is subjected to the music they play in the class.)

    Me: *in the shower, singing absentmindedly* “Hey, how long till the music drowns you out? Don’t put words up in my mouth. I didn’t steal your boyfriend…”

    (All of a sudden, my husband rips the shower door open and stares at me.)

    Husband: “ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE?!”

    Me: “What?”

    Husband: “Seriously! Can you feel your arms?! Tell me your name! What year is it?!”

    Me: “What the f*** are you talking about?”

    Husband: “You´re singing… like, a f****** old pop song! I didn’t even know you knew pop songs existed! What is going on?!”

    (I start laughing and tell him how I picked up the song. He sighs with relief and I finish my shower in peace. I then go downstairs to find him still giving me funny looks.)

    Husband: “Wow. I totally just discovered a whole new side of you. This is weird. And my stomach still hurts from the shock!”

    (I am now back to working out with headphones on!)

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