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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Gotta Hand It To Her

    | CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We’re watching a detective show. A well-worn trope is manifested.)

    TV: “The victim was left-handed, but the gun was found in her right hand. This is no suicide!”

    (I remember something we’ve seen in a couple of other detective shows.)

    Me: “If I ever decide to shoot myself and frame someone else—”

    Wife: “I’ll remind you to use your other hand.”

    (Now that’s compatibility!)

    Has Been Wii-jected

    | MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We’re expecting our first child and looking at baby things when my husband spots a $4,500 TV. He is mostly joking in the conversation.)

    Husband: “Ooooh, I need this.”

    Me: “For what, exactly?”

    Husband: “It’ll be awesome to play Wii-U on it.”

    Me: “We don’t have a Wii-U…”

    Husband: “We should get one… and this TV… because… the baby would like them?”

    Me: “No. Rejected.”

    Husband: “What?! You can’t reject genius!”

    Me: “Just did. REJECTED.”

    Husband: “Fine, well, I’m only talking to the baby now.”

    Me: “The baby can’t hear you!”

    (It should be noted that we don’t know the gender or have any names picked out.)

    Husband: “NOT TALKING TO YOU. So… Baby… How awesome is this TV?”

    Me: “Oh, for crying out loud!”

    Husband: “NOT TALKING TO YOU.”

    Me: *in a baby alien voice* “I hate it. I agree with Mom. I think it’s financially irresponsible to drop that kind of money on a TV.”

    Husband: “But think of the educational value of a Wii-U!”

    Me: *weird voice* “You’re saying you’d let me play on your Wii-U?”

    Husband: “Uh… well… not immediately. Listen, in order to be a good dad, I gotta take care of my needs and I need a Wii-U.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    She’s Not Laughing

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are getting ready to go sleep in our dark bedroom. I’ve had really chapped lips, and the corners of my mouth have painful cuts on them.)

    Me: *sigh* “I look like the Joker.”

    Husband: “You don’t look like the Joker with the lights off.”

    Makes You Need Some Shore Leave

    | NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I were watching an old Star Trek episode in which Dr. McCoy gets run through by a knight with a spear, the knight being a cellular construct created by the aliens that run the planet. It seems Dr. McCoy is dead, but then his body disappears, and eventually he shows up again because apparently the aliens have the ability to heal him.  I’m a little skeptical.)

    Me: “I mean, the episode started out okay where all the things the characters imagined kept coming to life, but it went on too long. It got a little silly. Especially with Dr. McCoy! Even if the aliens could create cellular constructs, he was dead! Spock and Kirk both examined him with that techno thingy they use! I don’t think he would have just waltzed out again perfectly fine with a girl on each arm like that!”

    Husband: “It’s fiction, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, you had those other people from Kirk’s imagination coming to life. Maybe he’s not the real McCoy…”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: *laughs and punches me on the arm* “That was awesome! How often do you get an opportunity like that?”

    Me: “And I didn’t even mean it! You know, the shortest distance between two puns is a straight line…”

    Jumping To Conclusions

    | Selah, WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I overhear a conversation between my mom and dad.)

    Dad: “Oh, yeah, I fell off a roof today.”

    Mom: “What?! You fell off a roof?!”

    Dad: “Well, I didn’t fall. I jumped.”

    Mom: *chortles* “There’s a big difference between falling and jumping!”

    Dad: “But I was falling at the time.”


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