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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Don’t Sweat It

    | MT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband had just finished exercising and playing with the kids and pups outside and is really sweaty. He wipes the sweat from his face with a napkin and hands it to me to throw away.)

    Me: *stares blankly at the wadded up napkin*

    Husband: “Please, just throw it away?”

    Me: *in a deadpan voice* “Did you know that when gladiators were fighting in the arena, vials of their sweat would be collected and sold to be worn as perfume?”

    Husband: *hesitantly* “Yes…”

    Me: *proceeds to rub the napkin all over my face, neck and chest*

    Husband: “That’s just gross…”

    That’s Just Gross. Period

    | New Zealand | Marriage & Partners

    Husband: “I need to blow my nose… Do you have a tissue? Oh, f*** it, I’ll use my underwear.”

    (He proceeds to remove his underwear and blows his nose on it.)

    Me: “This is a whole new level of sexiness right there.”

    Husband: “You bleed on your panties; I blow my nose on my underwear. We do what we like.”

    May The Food Be With You

    | Fort Mill, SC, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Husband: “It’s late. We probably need to get some take out tonight.”

    Me: “Well, what do you feel like?”

    Husband: “I don’t want subs. I did the sub run a couple days ago.”

    Me: “And you did it in less than twelve parsecs. Impressive.”

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “I know.”

    It’s A Sleepy World After All

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are discussing what attractions his wheelchair-using younger brother could do on their upcoming trip to Disneyland. Additionally, my husband has a tendency to twitch when he’s falling asleep.)

    Me: “Oh, hey, and there are a whole bunch of shows there that we usually skip to go on more rides. Have you ever seen that show with the electronic Abraham Lincoln?”

    (As I’m saying ‘Abraham Lincoln,’ my husband’s body suddenly spasms wildly.)

    Me: “Are you okay? Wait… did you just fall asleep while we were talking?”

    Husband: *long pause* “You’re so pretty?”

    You 30-Rock My World

    | NC, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am teasing my husband about something.)

    Husband: “You’re so meansies.”

    Me: “Oh! Speaking of Liz Lemon, there’s this dress at Old Navy I want you to see.”

    (The amazing part is… he totally understood.)


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