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    Category: Marriage & Partners

    Love is blind, but marriage is the eye-opener.

    Titans And Tritons And Cats, Oh My

    | Boston, MA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are going through our morning ablutions. It is important to understand that my husband has two hearing aids (which he is not wearing having just gotten out of the shower) and is blind in one eye. I have just grabbed for what I thought was my contact lens case, but grabbed his instead. We have a cat called Lightning.)

    Husband: “Those are mine.”

    Me: “Oh. I thought I’d be you for a day.”

    Husband: “What would that be like?”

    Me: “I’d say ‘What?’ a lot and Lightning would try to sneak up on my blind side and eat my cereal.”

    Husband: “Tritons would eat your cereal?”

    Me: “No, Lightning.”

    Husband: “Oh. I thought you meant like those Greek mythology guys. You know, before the gods?”

    Me: “Titans. Aren’t Tritons those pokey sharp things? Like Poseidon?”

    Husband: “No, that’s tridents.”

    Me: “Conversations like this are what happens when you have two people who are over educated and under-caffeinated.”

    Behavior Fit For A Queen

    | Tulsa, OK, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am a sleep talker. I only know about this because my husband tells me the next morning. We have both gone to bed. He startles awake to me shouting.)

    Me: “Are you the queen?!”

    Husband: “…No?”

    Me: “Then you don’t get to make the rules!”

    (I promptly rolled over and didn’t say another word.)

    Hungry For Love, Part 2

    | Pascagoula, MS, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Due to blood sugar issues I tend to get extremely cranky when I’m hungry and then extremely happy once I’ve eaten. This incident occurs right after my partner and I go through a drive-thru.)

    Me: *glances at partner and smiles* “I love you.”

    Partner: *looks at me with confusion then notices that I’ve eaten my meal* “Oh! You just ate.”

    Hungry For Love

    You Make Me Weak At Your Knees

    | IN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are preparing to grade a hill and reseed it. He’s gone for two weeks at a time for work, so I’m the one who runs around looking at supplies and material. Right now I’m looking at seed blankets, which help keep the seed from blowing away or getting washed away when it rains.)

    Me: “Well, at this store it’s [price] for [square footage], which is pretty much the same as the last store.”

    Husband: “How big around is the roll? Like your ankle? Your thigh? Your waist?”

    Me: *looking down and considering* “Maybe my knee? That seems closest.”

    Husband: “Well, you have big knees so-”

    Me: “What?!”

    Husband: “Honey, you’re really tall and—”

    Me: “You can’t talk about my knees like that! You know how I feel about my knees!”

    Husband: *realizing he’s in trouble and starting to talk faster* “But baby, you’re just so tall, and it’s not my fault someone dumped miracle-gro on you when you were a baby, and all your stuff is in the right spot, and your curves are just right, and, and…” *he trails off*

    Me: “Nice save, [Husband].”

    Romance Abhors A Vacuum

    | Lufkin, TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Hubby and I are cuddling in bed before sleep.)

    Husband: “Hey, did you have a bad dream last night?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think so. Kind of. Why do you ask?”

    Husband: “You sat up quickly and started yelling “No, no, god, no!” at the top of your voice. Then you laid back down.”

    Me: “What did you do?”

    Husband: “I told you, ‘God, yes’ so you grabbed my hand and placed it on your boob. What did you dream about?”

    Me: *bursts into laughter* “That you were trying to have sex with me, but you couldn’t figure out how, so you were doing a vacuum instead.”

    Husband: *looks horrified* “Did I finally figure out how?”

    Me: “No. You finally divorced me in the dream and got married to your girlfriend, Dyson, instead.”

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