(I’m serving as a groomsman for a friend of mine and his younger brother. They are both getting married on the same day, and having a double wedding. While their fiancées are shopping elsewhere in the mall, us guys are all being fitted for our tuxedos. I’ve already tried mine on, and changed back to my street clothes. While my friend and his brother are trying their tuxes on, an older customer walks into the store with her grandson.)

Older Customer: “Look, [grandson]! They’re getting ready to have a wedding! Isn’t that precious?”

(She approaches me.)

Older Customer: “Who’s the lucky groom?”

Me: “They are.”

(I point to my friend and his brother, who are both in their suits. When the woman sees that there are two men putting on tuxedos, she shrieks, and her eyes get huge.)

Older Customer: “Oh, my God! You’re f***! Get out! Out, out, out, out!”

(She tries to rush over and grab them, but the store clerk steps in front of them.)

Clerk: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to harass my other customers.”

Older Customer: “Those are God-hating sodomites! They’re liberal scum! It’s because of people like them that we have things like 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina! How can you let heathen filth like that into your store?! God will smite you and your whole f**-loving business!”

Clerk: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you keep speaking like that.”

Me: “Look, lady, they’re not even—”

Older Customer: “Quiet, you! You’re probably a f** too! This is a Christian nation, so if you don’t like it, then GET OUT! I won’t have you corrupting my grandson with your sinful ways!”

(While she is ranting, my friend and his brother’s fiancées walk in and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Older Customer: “What do you want, you shameless Jezebel?!”

Friend’s Fiancée: “I was wondering if you’re done screaming at my future husband?”

(Both fiancées cross their arms, but leave their engagement rings VERY visible. The woman looks from the brides to the grooms, and back again.)

Older Customer: “I, uh—”

Friend’s Fiancée: “—was just leaving? Yes, I thought so.”

(She hangs her head, and trudges out of the store; her confused grandson following.)

Clerk: *to my friend* “I see why you’re marrying her!”

Themed Giveaway Roundup: Witty Romance! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

1. Deranged Marriage (300 thumbs up)
2. Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 6 (280 thumbs up)
3. Should Have Bought Her A Shrubbery (331 thumbs up)
4. Invested In You (318 thumbs up)
5. Mutual Feelings Of Neutral Feelings (213 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(My girlfriend, friend, and I, are working at a beer tasting event for free tickets. We have to pour beer for people. For some reason all the tasters think I am awesome.)

Taster #1: “Dude, you actually know your stuff. I’m going to tell everyone to come here!”

Me: “Right on, man!”

Taster #2: “Seriously you are awesome. Here’s my number!”

Me: “Oh! Thanks!”

(The taster winks and walks away.)

Girlfriend: “Did that guy just give you his number?”

Me: “Yep!”

Girlfriend: “Seriously? All I’ve gotten is drunk guys staring at my boobs!”

Me: “I also got a tip, free onion rings, another number, and those group of dudes are chanting my name all through the hall.”

Girlfriend: “I seriously have no idea how you do it.”

Friend: “Honestly, nothing is ever normal went it comes to him.”

Me: “I think it’s confidence, or I’m just adorable.”

(In the end, I never did call that guy, but I did get more tips and a drunk girl called me a teddy bear.)

(My best friend and I are discussing some last minute details for his wedding happening in a week. As his best man, I’ve been trying to help him out; he is rather clueless about anything wedding related.)

Me: “Just one quick question: do you want me to hold on to [fiancée]‘s wedding ring until the wedding, or will you remember to bring it on Saturday?”

Friend: “Um, [fiancée] already has it. I guess you would take it from her before the ceremony begins.”

Me: “You already gave her the wedding ring? Dude, you’re supposed to wait until the wedding to give that to her!”

Friend: “Well, what else was I supposed to propose to her with? Besides, she loves that thing; she hardly takes it off.”

Me: “Wait… the ring that she is wearing right now, the one that you proposed to her with, the one with the stone in it; that is her engagement ring. I’m talking about the ring you’re going to give her at the wedding, the ring she wears in addition to her engagement ring.”

Friend: “Holy s***, you mean I have to buy her two rings?!”

(Instead of a bachelor party, me and the fellow groomsmen take him to a local jeweler, and each pitch in to buy a wedding band for his bride-to-be.)

Related:
One Ring To Ruin Them All

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Submit a funny or interesting story about bromance! (Bromance on Wikipedia)
2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Romantic shop!

PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning March’s Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Witty Romance. The winning submission: Compose Yourself (367 thumbs up).

PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, May 1!