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    Don’t Let That Butterfly Flutter By

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ, Top

    (I’m on the phone with my friend, who is a very confident person and is able to get any guy that comes her way. Today is different.)

    Friend: “Hey, [My Name], um… I need your help.”

    (She sounds very nervous about something, so instantly I’m worried.)

    Me: “Okay, hun, what’s wrong?”

    Friend: “So… you know that friend of mine, [Female Friend]? Um… she… kind of confessed her feelings to me. As in… she says she’s in love with me.”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Friend: “What do I do?!”

    Me: “Well, do you like her back?”

    Friend: “I… I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”

    Me: “Well, it’s time to think about it now. Think about making out. If you feel sick, then it’s a no. If you feel nothing, it means you might be curious. If you feel butterflies then you might want to say yes to a date.”

    (My friend is silent for a few moments as she thinks about it.)

    Friend: “S***. I think I have to ask her out.”

    (They’ve been together for nearly five years now.)

    Don’t Discount The Power Of A Discount

    | UK | Flirting/How We Met, Top

    (I work as a barista at a small coffee shop, and we have a lot of regulars. One of my female coworkers has a crush on a particular regular, and has been using her 20% employee discount whenever he comes in. On this occasion, this coworker has swapped a shift, and so isn’t in when the regular turns up.)

    Regular: *to male coworker* “Hey, I think you’ve charged me wrong for my coffee. It’s usually always [price of coffee minus discount].”

    Male Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir. Are you sure you get your coffee here usually? This has been our price for as long as I’ve worked here.”

    Regular: “I’m sure. I always come in and get my coffee here, from the cute girl with the short brown hair, and the green eyes… Where is she today anyway?”

    Male Coworker: “She swapped a shift with me. She’ll be in tomorrow closing, so I can get the manager to check she knows all the prices. I can only apologise, really—”

    (At this point I decide to butt in, knowing the other coworker has been discounting his drinks for at least a month and a half.)

    Me: “Actually, sir, it looks like it’s been rung up with an employee discount.”

    Regular: “She’s been…” *suddenly, a large grin is plastered across his face* “You said she’s in tomorrow?”

    Me: “She’s in from midday to six, sir. And, sir, her name is [Name].”

    (Later I heard that the regular came in during her next shift and took her out to dinner.)

    A (Very) Simple Matter Of Engagement

    | NC, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My boyfriend and I have just wrapped a Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention for which we both work as staff, and are walking about looking at supplies and talking about things we need for the Con next year.)

    Boyfriend: “We should pick up a binder to start planning a wedding, too.”

    Me: *silent for a moment, then nodding*

    Boyfriend: “Did I just… I guess it’s official, then.”

    Me: “Yeah. We have to come up with a better story to tell my mother.”

    (Proposing between conversations about our mutual work: he’s a keeper.)

    C***-Blocked By The Captain

    | Canada | Dating, Top

    (It’s my first time in my girlfriend’s bedroom. We’re on the bed, getting into it.)

    Girlfriend: “Oh, oh, oh, Steve.”

    Me: *freezing* “Who the f*** is Steve?”

    (She freezes also, and turns bright red.)

    Girlfriend: “Um. Steve…” *flinches* “Rogers?”

    Me: “What?”

    (She reaches into the table beside her bed, and pulls out a movie magazine.)

    Girlfriend: “So. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Fair warning: If ever the opportunity arises, I’m totally leaving you for Captain America.”

    Me: “… Yeah, I’d probably leave you for him, too.”

    (We stare at each other for under a minute before putting the movie on and resuming our activities.)

    Can Have Your Cake And Eat It Too

    | CA, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My girlfriend and I have just woken up on a Saturday morning. While my girlfriend is making breakfast, I see the remaining slices of cake from her birthday in the refrigerator. I know those slices have been saved for me, but I’m not sure if it’d be wise to eat them just yet.)

    Me: “Honey, I have a very important question.”

    Girlfriend: *not missing a beat* “Eat the cake for breakfast.”

    (Yep, she’s a keeper.)


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