The best of the best stories on Not Always Romantic!
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

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(I am a lesbian and married. My little sister is introducing my wife around her office building. I have neglected to come along because I have an anxiety disorder. My wife is short, very skinny, and all around tiny.)
My Sister: “…and this is my big sister’s wife.”
Coworker: *looks horrified and says nothing*
My Sister: “They are married.”
Coworker: *still horrified, saying nothing*
My Sister: “They are gay…”
Coworker: *still horrified*
My Sister: “They. Are. Lesbians.”
(My sister is very angry. My wife however, is perfectly calm.)
My Wife: “I’m 26.”
Coworker: “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that!”
(She thought my wife was 14 or 15, and was utterly horrified about that, and not about anything else. I almost peed myself when I heard, but it’s nice to know my little sister has my back.)

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(My friend asks me if I wanted to adopt her hedgehog. I’m critter crazy, but my boyfriend not so much. Before accepting, I decide to ask him if it is okay. I walk up to him with huge grin.)
Boyfriend: “Oh, God. Whatever you want, yes.”
Me: “Hedgie?”
Boyfriend: “A hedgehog?”
(He gives me a pained look while I continue grinning.)
Boyfriend: “I can tell you really want it.”
Me: “Really?”
(I squeal and jump around.)
Boyfriend: “When you smile at me like that, how can I say no?”
(I love my new ‘spiky hamster’, as he calls it!)

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(My husband and I met when I was working at a travel store. He had stopped in to look at satellite radios, and I was the one who ended up helping him. We’re talking about how we met a few years later.)
Husband: “Yeah, I just came in to buy a radio, and there you were.”
Me: “Well, it’s not like I was nice to you. I was mean to almost everybody so they’d leave me alone.”
Husband: “I know! But when you went and got the radio out of the case, you stayed kneeling on the ground and your pants slid down a little on the back and I could see your butt a little.”
Me: “Seriously?!”
Husband: “Well, yeah! You didn’t think I was looking at a radio for twenty minutes, did you?”

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(We’ve just bought a new TV. My boyfriend is taking the remote control out of the packaging. He pauses to laugh, and shows me the sticker it has, saying ‘PASSED’.)
Boyfriend: “You passed! Oh, well done, remote! We are so proud!”
Me: “We will throw you a party to celebrate! Well done, you!”
(My boyfriend opens the back of the remote, to see that is takes AAA batteries, not AA.)
Boyfriend: “Aw! Remote! You take the small batteries!”
Me: “You b******!”
Boyfriend: “We hate you, remote!”
Me: “Pass or not; you’re still a failure in our eyes!”
Boyfriend: “You have brought shame upon this house!”
Me: “…we’re going to be terrible parents.”
Boyfriend: “Only if our children take AAA batteries.”

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