(I am a regular in my favorite store for comics, books and board-games. The owner is a big fan of one of the big labels, while I prefer the other. We’re talking about new comics, when a young woman enters the store. She starts talking to the owner.)

Young Woman: “Hey, I would like to start with [my preferred label] comics; could you help me?”

Owner: “Sure, no problem.”

(The owner turns to me.)

Owner: “Hey, you know [label] comics better. Would you help?”

(The three of us begin to talk about the comics. An overdressed girl enters, and overhears me talking about my favorite series.)

Overdressed Girl: “Are you f****** stupid? Those stories are s***, and they’re for little children. Read [other label of comics which is written mainly for children]; they are for cool people.”

Owner: “Stop talking like this, or I’ll kick you out.”

Young Woman: “I… I don’t know what I should read.”

Overdressed Girl: “A girl? Girls don’t read comics. Not even if they are as fat and ugly as you are.”

(The girl is not fat; she seems to be fighting her tears.)

Owner: “Shut up and leave. NOW!”

Overdressed Girl: “I’m the hottest person in here! You can’t make me leave! I’m the hottest in here, and all boys want me!”

(I turn to the young woman who is by now almost crying.)

Me: “Hey, you know she’s wrong. You’re much prettier then her! Uhm… do you… want to go out sometime?”

(The overdressed girl storms out. The young woman looks at me like I’m crazy. The owner is laughing hard.)

Owner: “Nice one!”

Young Woman: “T… thanks.”

Me: “Yeah… so, what about that date?”

(We started dating soon after, and are now engaged!)

Related:
A Comic Book Romance

(I am doing dishes, and my boyfriend comes up behind me and gives me a hug.)

Me: “You’re in the perfect position to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Well, now that I think about it, why are they called sweet nothings? That doesn’t make any sense!”

Boyfriend: *whispering* “Candied zeros. Sugary oblivion. Chocolate nirvana. Frosted emptiness…”

(A recent college graduate has moved to a new town for a job opportunity. One of his coworkers asks him to join the rest of his work crew for an end-of-summer party. He decides to visit, and while he is there, he notices a woman a few years his senior mowing the lawn next door.)

Man: “Seems like her husband is a lucky guy! Where I come from, you rarely see women mowing the lawn.”

Coworker: “Actually, she lives on her own. I think she dated once or twice, but not successfully.”

Man: “Oh, really?”

Coworker: “Yeah. It’s a shame, because she’s a nice person. Not many men are willing to look for an older woman, especially with her interests.”

Man: “Like what?”

(The woman finishes mowing the lawn, and starts to put her equipment in the shed. Meanwhile, the radio in the background announces a home run for the popular baseball team in the area.)

Woman: “Yahoo! We’re in the lead!”

(She grabs a nearby scorecard on the patio to update the progress. The man comes over to her fence.)

Man: “You keep baseball scorecards?”

Woman: “I’ve been doing it since my father taught me; why stop now?”

Man: “No reason! I was, um, just wondering how you mark the card, is all…”

(It turns out that the two of them had many things in common. Over 30 years later, my parents still happily watch baseball, and keep scorecards together. However, someone other than my mother mows the lawn!)

(I’m male, and my boyfriend and I are sitting at a restaurant having dinner. We have been looking at rings for our engagement the previous weekend, but had decided that we would propose to each other on our own time. Currently gay marriage is still illegal in California.)

Boyfriend: “So, I know you want to have a ceremony. When were you thinking about having it?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know. Not immediately that’s for sure. First off, it’s still illegal, and we also have like four weddings to attend this year.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, well that’s good.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “Because I have your ring at home.”

Me: “What?!”

Boyfriend: “If you had said you wanted a ceremony immediately, I would have kept the ring for a little while. But since you’re willing to wait, I can give it to you now.”

Me: “Did you just propose to me?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I guess I accept then…”

(I gave him his ring a couple of months later, and we’re planning on getting married within a couple of years.)

(I’m serving as a groomsman for a friend of mine and his younger brother. They are both getting married on the same day, and having a double wedding. While their fiancées are shopping elsewhere in the mall, us guys are all being fitted for our tuxedos. I’ve already tried mine on, and changed back to my street clothes. While my friend and his brother are trying their tuxes on, an older customer walks into the store with her grandson.)

Older Customer: “Look, [grandson]! They’re getting ready to have a wedding! Isn’t that precious?”

(She approaches me.)

Older Customer: “Who’s the lucky groom?”

Me: “They are.”

(I point to my friend and his brother, who are both in their suits. When the woman sees that there are two men putting on tuxedos, she shrieks, and her eyes get huge.)

Older Customer: “Oh, my God! You’re f***! Get out! Out, out, out, out!”

(She tries to rush over and grab them, but the store clerk steps in front of them.)

Clerk: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to harass my other customers.”

Older Customer: “Those are God-hating sodomites! They’re liberal scum! It’s because of people like them that we have things like 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina! How can you let heathen filth like that into your store?! God will smite you and your whole f**-loving business!”

Clerk: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you keep speaking like that.”

Me: “Look, lady, they’re not even—”

Older Customer: “Quiet, you! You’re probably a f** too! This is a Christian nation, so if you don’t like it, then GET OUT! I won’t have you corrupting my grandson with your sinful ways!”

(While she is ranting, my friend and his brother’s fiancées walk in and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Older Customer: “What do you want, you shameless Jezebel?!”

Friend’s Fiancée: “I was wondering if you’re done screaming at my future husband?”

(Both fiancées cross their arms, but leave their engagement rings VERY visible. The woman looks from the brides to the grooms, and back again.)

Older Customer: “I, uh—”

Friend’s Fiancée: “—was just leaving? Yes, I thought so.”

(She hangs her head, and trudges out of the store; her confused grandson following.)

Clerk: *to my friend* “I see why you’re marrying her!”