(My then-boyfriend and I are at ‘Otakon’ in Baltimore. We have just run into a Jareth cosplayer , the Goblin King character from the film ‘Labyrinth’, played by David Bowie. I am a huge fan.)

Me: “Oh, my, God! Jareth!”

(I start ‘fan-girling’ over the amazing costume with the Cosplayer, who is playing up the costume really well.)

Boyfriend: “I remember the end. Sarah was stupid not to except his offer.”

Me: “Don’t ruin it by reminding me that the Goblin King didn’t get his Queen.”

(He suddenly gets down on one knee and takes my hand.)

Boyfriend: “I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want.”

Me: *stunned* “Oh, God.”

Boyfriend: *pulls out ring* “Just fear me. Love me. Do as I say and I will be your slave.”

Me: *grinning like an idiot* “Yes. Yes! YES!”

(I grab him in a strangle hold of a hug.)

Me: “How many times did you watch that movie to remember that line?”

Boyfriend: *putting the ring on my finger* “Don’t ask, but I knew that you’d only say yes if I did something unique.”

Jareth Cosplayer: “Well played.”

(I originally posted the “Leaving One Stereotype For Another” quote. I am with the same man.)

Partner: “This is how much I love you. ‘Portal 2′ has finished downloading on Steam and I have no desire to play it, because I’m with you.”

(I work in a bakery. I’m serving a man in his thirties, who orders for him and his girlfriend. She’s off into the nearby supermarket to get some stuff. When she returns, she carries a bag of flower soil.)

Girlfriend: *holding the bag in front of her belly* “Darling, I’m pregnant. It’s going to be a tree.”

Boyfriend: *without missing a beat* “That’s not mine, then. I’m not a member of the photosynthesis crew.”

Girlfriend: “I’m sorry! It was cross-pollination! I couldn’t do anything about it!”

(By that time, I’m trying not to laugh too loud, but I can’t help grinning. I hand over their order.)

Girlfriend: “Hey, what’s that? Coffee?”

Boyfriend: “Yep. You want one, too? It’s on me.”

Girlfriend: “Thanks.” *addressing me* “Can I have a hot chocolate, please? I have to drink for two now, you know.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Girlfriend: *to boyfriend* “Maybe it’s going to be a chocolate tree if I drink enough.”

Boyfriend: *to me* “Could you make that a coffee, then? I prefer coffee.”

Girlfriend: *to me* “But I don’t. Chocolate, please.”

Boyfriend: “Hey, you cheated on me with some bumblebee! Making it become my
favourite beverage tree is the least you can do!”

(My fiancé and I are visiting his mother. She often has things she’s getting rid of, or has a surplus of, and usually offers them to me first.)

Future Mother-in-law: “Hey, I bought some extra batteries. Do you think you need any?”

Me: “I could take a couple.”

Future Mother-in-law: “Well, how many?”

Me: “Um, well, they’re for my wireless headphones, so…four?”

(Later on…)

Fiancé: “You don’t have wireless headphones.”

Me: “Do you want to tell your mom that I’m putting them in my vibrator?”

(I haven’t heard from my boyfriend for the past few days. After multiple attempts to contact him through text, calls and e-mails wondering if he’s okay, I suddenly get a call from him.)

Me: “Hey, are you okay? you haven’t been—”

Boyfriend: “Look, stop contacting me, okay? You need to accept what happened and move on.”

Me: “Um…what?”

Boyfriend: *irritated sigh* “We’re no longer together! You have to stop acting like my girlfriend and get over it. We’re through!”

Me: “What? When did this happen?”

Boyfriend: “Last Tuesday! Just stop contacting me, and let me be happy!” *hangs up*

(I am left speechless. I find out later he had broken up with me…through Facebook. He never even had the decency to tell me to my face. I suddenly understood why all my friends were asking if I was alright all week.)