(My parents have been married for 34 years. They are having a fight and my mom is in the process of leaving the house to cool off.)

Mom: “I will see you later when I’m not angry at you anymore!”

Dad: *in a mocking love tone* “I love you sweet heart!”

(While backing out, my mom flips him the bird.)

Dad: “Number one? You think I’m number one?”

(He starts singing and doing a little dance in the driveway.)

Dad: “I’m number one! I’m number one! She thinks I’m number one!”

(I am emailing my husband. He is very into sci-fi, and we have lots of theoretical debates about time travel.)

Husband: “Hello, future wife. It’s sad but unavoidable that present me cannot tell present you that I love her. So, we’ll have to settle for this quantum ping pong that currently exists. I love you, too, in any case. And past you. And future you, after you. I look forward to minimizing our proximities, so I can be closer to my current you. More love. Past husband.”

(I’m at my boyfriend’s house. I am wearing a shirt with a pony from a show whose target audience are 5 year old girls, and involves lots of colorful ponies.)

Boyfriend’s roommate: “I like your shirt.”

Me: *eyes widen* “You, are my new best friend. Do you watch the show?”

Boyfriend’s roommate: “Yes.”

Me: “You, just made my day.”

Boyfriend: “So, I took you out to breakfast. And, I’m taking you to the movies. He makes your day because he likes a show about ponies. I see how it is. [Roommate], want to go to the movies?”

Me: “Well, if you liked [pony show], you’d make my day, too!”

(I am at the airport arrival gate. My husband was coming home from serving 9 months in Iraq as a Marine. I am holding a sign saying, ‘Welcome home love!’ There is a teenager at the arrival gate next to mine, with a sign that says ‘Stacy, I think you are really cool. Will you go to prom with me?’. My husband’s flight gets in earlier than the kid’s flight. I greet and kiss my husband, and he notices the teenager and walks over to him.)

Husband: “Way to go, brother. This is the way to a person’s heart. Being there for them and showing you care. Good luck.”

Teenager: “Thank you, sir. I’m really nervous she will say no. Also, thank you for your service.”

(They shake hands and we leave. About 3 years after that, my husband and I are reading the Sunday newspaper. We see a wedding announcement, and a picture of that teenager. He is in marine dress blues, next to his new wife, Stacy.)

(My fiancée is in the habit of taking off her engagement ring when she does the dishes. She’s also in the habit of forgetting to put it back on. I’m in the kitchen grabbing a drink, and I see the ring on the counter. Once I’m in the bedroom, where she’s studying, I crawl onto the bed with the ring in hand.)

Me: “Will you marry me…again?”

Fiancée: *upset that she forgot the ring* “Oh, crap!”

Me: “Not the answer I was looking for.”