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(My wife and I have a tendency to use baby-talk with each other when no one else is around. We are lying in bed.)
Wife: “So, what should we have for dinner?”
Me: *kissy face* “Oh, maybe some leftie-over-ies.”
Wife: *bolts upright* “What?”
Me: *incredulous* “What did I say?”
Wife: *laughs* “We are not going to eat my ovaries!”
Me: “I said leftovers.”
Wife: “You said ovaries. Actually, my left ovary.”
Me: *shrugs* “I guess I did.” *pokes her side* “Well, give it to me then.”
(Me and my husband are play-fighting. He’s started to tickle me and I’m falling over laughing.)
Me: “Wait. Have I always sounded like the wicked witch when I laugh, or did that start now?”
Husband: *pauses for a moment* “Nope, that started now.”
(My husband resumes tickling.)
Me: “Stop it! I feel like all I need now is a wart on my nose!”
Husband: “You are my wife. All you ask for, you shall receive!”
(He grabs the back of my neck and starts rubbing my face against a small red dot on his arm.)
Me: *muffled* “I appreciate the sentiment, but that’s not a wart.”
Husband: *very disappointed* “I have failed you!”
(It’s Christmas and we are opening presents, when I notice my mom doesn’t have one from my dad.)
Me: “Daddy, why didn’t you by Mommy a present?”
Mom: “Because Daddy forgot, like he always does.”
Dad: “I didn’t forget! She’s got me! That’s the best gift there is!”
Mom: “Sadly, he’s the sort of gift that is non-returnable.”
December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Romantic’s top-rated stories for the month of December!
- Brace Yourself (1,232 thumbs up)
- You Get More Than Just Irish Coffee (873 thumbs up)
- This Idiot Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On (785 thumbs up)
- Starting A Life Of Pi (699 thumbs up)
- Bullying Jocks Are Just Cupid (670 thumbs up)
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!