(My wife and I have a tendency to use baby-talk with each other when no one else is around. We are lying in bed.)

Wife: “So, what should we have for dinner?”

Me: *kissy face* “Oh, maybe some leftie-over-ies.”

Wife: *bolts upright* “What?”

Me: *incredulous* “What did I say?”

Wife: *laughs* “We are not going to eat my ovaries!”

Me: “I said leftovers.”

Wife: “You said ovaries. Actually, my left ovary.”

Me: *shrugs* “I guess I did.” *pokes her side* “Well, give it to me then.”

(Me and my husband are play-fighting. He’s started to tickle me and I’m falling over laughing.)

Me: “Wait. Have I always sounded like the wicked witch when I laugh, or did that start now?”

Husband: *pauses for a moment* “Nope, that started now.”

(My husband resumes tickling.)

Me: “Stop it! I feel like all I need now is a wart on my nose!”

Husband: “You are my wife. All you ask for, you shall receive!”

(He grabs the back of my neck and starts rubbing my face against a small red dot on his arm.)

Me: *muffled* “I appreciate the sentiment, but that’s not a wart.”

Husband: “No?”

Me: “No.”

Husband: *very disappointed* “I have failed you!”

(It’s Christmas and we are opening presents, when I notice my mom doesn’t have one from my dad.)

Me: “Daddy, why didn’t you by Mommy a present?”

Mom: “Because Daddy forgot, like he always does.”

Dad: “I didn’t forget! She’s got me! That’s the best gift there is!”

Mom: “Sadly, he’s the sort of gift that is non-returnable.”

December 2012 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Romantic’s top-rated stories for the month of December!

1. Brace Yourself (1,232 thumbs up)
2. You Get More Than Just Irish Coffee (873 thumbs up)
3. This Idiot Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On (785 thumbs up)
4. Starting A Life Of Pi (699 thumbs up)
5. Bullying Jocks Are Just Cupid (670 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!