(My date needs to pick up some groceries before driving home so I tag along with him. I go off to the bathroom, but when I return, I see he’s dancing with a tiny, pull-around shopping cart.)

Me: “Oh, so you’d dance with a cart but not me?!”

My Date: “Well, you were gone and it was here. I shall name it Carty and it’ll be our Carty, forever and ever.”

Me: *fake sniffles*

(After our shopping trip, we have to put ‘Carty’ back.)

My Date: “Okay Carty, your family has to go now. But that’s okay because they’ll take care of you here. Bye bye Carty… we’ll miss you.”

Me: “You still danced with that cart instead of me.”

My Date: “At least I didn’t abandon you at the store.”

(At work, we use an Instant Messaging service to communicate with one another besides verbal talk. I have just shared a heated exchange with a coworker over a grave mistake I created. I run to the bathroom in tears, and return less than pleased with him. Upon sitting down, I see he has messaged me.)

Coworker: “Wanna do some numbers for me?”

Me: “Okay.”

Coworker: “[Order number], I think this oen mgiht b fraud.”

Me: “…You misspelled one and might.”

Coworker: “Oops. Anyway, [order number], thsi mihtg be fraud too. might* Tis*. I mean thi*. THIS*****. D*** typos!”

Me: “…Really?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “You know I’m an English major.”

Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “You’re doing this on purpose aren’t you?”

Coworker: “…Maybe.”

Me: “Why are you butchering my language to pieces?”

Coworker: “Becuz I haz bestest grammarz evaarr!1″

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “I do it just for you. Always. <3″

(We are both sitting at our computers reading the latest updates on our feeds.)

Boyfriend: “Four of my feeds are about the man of steel!”

Me: “Who?”

Boyfriend: “Superman. His movie is called Man Of Steel.”

Me: “He is so not made of steel. He dies from standing too close to a rock.”

Boyfriend: “He is so the Man Of Steel! Kryptonite is from his home planet.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. So, you mean he was sent to this planet to become the man known as being made of steel, just because he was allergic to a fracking rock on his own planet?!”

Boyfriend: “…You would give Sheldon Cooper a brain haemorrhage.”

Related:
Sheldon Cooper dating Amy Farrah-Fowler, Part 5
Sheldon Cooper dating Amy Farrah-Fowler, Part 4
Sheldon Cooper dating Amy Farrah-Fowler, Part 3
Sheldon Cooper dating Amy Farrah-Fowler, Part 2
Sheldon Cooper dating Amy Farrah-Fowler

(My wife gets PMS sometimes and has a tendency to make everything my fault. I don’t mind because I love her, but sometimes it gets out of hand. I have short, curly, black hair and my wife has very long red hair. As we’re eating dinner and watching TV, she makes an angry noise. When I look over to see why, she is scowling and stabbing her food harder than necessary.)

Me: “What’s the matter, love?! Are you okay?”

Wife: “I found a hair in my dinner. And I can’t even blame you because it’s one of mine!”

Me: “Oh, uh… I’m sorry?”

Wife: *mutters* “D*** straight you should be!”

(I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Every few weeks, some of my senior friends like to kidnap me, feed me pixie sticks, and take me out to amuse them. This usually ends up with me forgetting everything that happened that night. The next morning he calls me to make sure I am okay.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Boyfriend: “So you survived! How was your night out?”

Me: “It was great! I had pixie sticks and we went to dinner, then I forgot what happened. But I wound up in my own bed this morning so all is well.”

Boyfriend: “That sounds nice, but you’re not allowed to go out without me anymore.”

Me: “Why not?”

Boyfriend: “Would you happen to have all your clothes on this morning?”

Me: “Huh? Why do you-” *suddenly realize I am missing my bra* “Oh, God!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, because I found your bra stapled to my door when I got up, and I thought you might want it back.”