(I am laying on the couch before getting ready to run to the drug store.)

Me: “Boyfriend, grab my bra for me, would you?”

(He leaves the room and comes back wearing my bra.)

Boyfriend: “I don’t know if I can just give it to you. You’ll have to coax it off of me. But I’m reserved so it might take a while.”

(I ended up chasing him around our apartment while he screamed ‘I’M RESERVED!’ while wearing my bra!)

Related:
Bra-cing Conversation

(My boyfriend is playing videogames while I have just crawled into bed for a much-needed nap. I really like to cuddle, so whenever I lie down, I try to make my guy come over through guilt, bribery, etc. It’s been very cold in our apartment lately as our heating system is very old and doesn’t work well.)

Me: “Boy, it sure is warm and comfy over here. But I’m soooo lonely. If only I had someone to share all this warmth with!”

(A few minutes go by, and I figure my tactic has failed, but suddenly my boyfriend leaps into the bed and burrows under the covers. We cuddle for a bit.)

Me: “I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too!”

Me: “Yeah, I can tell because you dropped your videogames to come cuddle me. And I’m sure it was at least 75% because you love me right? And not just because you were cold?”

(Noticeably long pause.)

Me: “Babe?”

Boyfriend: “I’m doing the math!”

(My boyfriend and I are preparing for our second date.)

Me: “So, where are we going?”

Boyfriend: “It’s a surprise, but I will give you a hint: it is a place where we can make fun of dead people.”

Me: “Uh, okay?”

(One hour later, we pull up to the museum.)

Me: “Oh, thank God! I thought you were taking me to a morgue or something!”

Boyfriend: “And you got in the car anyways?”

Me: “I didn’t think it through.”

(It’s Christmas time, and I’m doing some overtime to help my boss and a female co-worker put up some decorations around the store when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Can I have that tinsel?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am, this isn’t for sale. It’s just for the store. We’ve got some decorations for sale in the next aisle if you want me to show you?

Customer: “No. I want that one, are you even Christian?”

Me: *taken aback* “Uh, no ma’am, I’m not.”

Customer: “I thought so, you don’t deserve these decorations…you’re a heathen!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but my boss wouldn’t be happy with me giving away the decorations he’s already paid for.”

Customer: “I bet he wouldn’t be happy knowing that he’s got a heathen as an employee! I bet you’re one of them gays as well right?”

Me: *stunned* “Um…actually…”

Customer: *shouting* “You’re going straight to hell! I bet the rest of the staff don’t even know about your little secret!”

(Just then, my coworker walks up to us.)

Female Coworker: “Hey babe, can you help me set up the tree?”

(The customer turns white, and practically runs out of the store.)

Female Coworker: “Man, that woman was a b****!”

(We set up the tree and she asks me out afterwards, we’ve been dating for nearly seven months!)