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(My ex-boyfriend and I met in a college linguistics class, so grammar is a running joke throughout our relationship. We were living together. I am leaving for work about ten minutes before he is.)
Me: “It’s a little icy, so please drive safe.”
Boyfriend: *not looking up from the computer* “Safely.”
Me: “Blah! You’re right. Drive safely. I love you. Oh, wait, does that sentence objectify you?”
(Diagramming the sentence ‘I love you’ shows ‘you’ being the object of the sentence.)
Me: “You are who I love.”
(In mock fury, I throw a nearby sandal at the back of his chair. He starts laughing hysterically. As I walk out the door he yells back.)
Boyfriend: “I love you, too!”
Thankfully, Love Is A Universal Language
(I have a headache, so I mention this to my girlfriend.)
Me: “My head hurts.”
Girlfriend: “Where does it hurt?”
(I show her.)
Girlfriend: “That’s a tension headache. You just need to be distracted.”
(She then grabs my face and head butts me.)
Me: *stares at her* “What the f*** was that?”
Girlfriend: “Weren’t expecting that, were you!”
Love Hurts, Part 2
(My fiancé and I are currently in a long-distance relationship while I finish my last year of undergrad. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I won’t see him this year on it, because he is coming down the next month to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I check my phone and see that I’ve received a text from my fiancé.)
Fiancé: “So, I hope you know I will never forget. But even so, I added a reminder to my Google account saying ‘Don’t you dare forget about your wife’s birthday you piece of S***!’. It’s set to go off for the next 50 years. So, it will start an alarm on your birthday on every Google phone I have until you turn 71.”
Want to win A Not Always Romantic t-shirt?
Enter October’s Themed Story Giveaway: Romantic Chivalry!
Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:
- Submit a funny or interesting story about a guys or gals acting romantically chivalrous.
- Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
- All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt!
PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning September’s Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Awesome/Awful Dates. The winning submission: A Comedy Of Errors (514 thumbs up).
PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt: Wednesday, November 7!