(My wife has always been a very voluptuous woman. At age 18, she had a breast reduction from DD to C. After several children, she is back up to DD.)

Me: “I love how intelligent you are.”

Wife: “That’s why my breasts are so big. They overflow from my head.”

Me: “That explains it, then.”

Wife: “Explains what?”

Me: “Why you didn’t date me back right after high school. You had a lobotomy!”

(My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year. We are both laying on my bed, just chilling and talking. My girlfriend then says she needs to go pee.)

Girlfriend: “Aw, I need to go pee, but I’m too lazy to get up.”

Me: “I feel like that sometimes. But I eventually do get up. I mean, what am I going to do? Pee the bed?”

Girlfriend: “That definitely wouldn’t be a good thing to do!”

(There is a 3-second pause.)

Me: “Have you ever tried to just pee your pants? Like just go. I sometimes just try it just to see if I can, but just can’t do it!”

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God, I totally know what you mean! Sometimes I just sit there and think, ‘What if I just peed my pants right here?’, and concentrate on going, but I can’t bring myself to actually do it!”

Me: “Oh, I know, it’s so annoying.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Listen to us. This is what we talk about?”

Related:
Great Minds Pee Alike

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating for roughly two months. This occurs at a nice, quiet moment in bed as we are staring at one another like the cheesy goofballs we are.)

Me: “I like you.”

Boyfriend: *with a slight weird look* “I like you, too.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s weird.”

Boyfriend: “Really weird.”

Me: “What else can we say though? I mean, that isn’t the big one.”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. ‘I’m infatuated with you’ is too long and awkward.”

Me: “Lust?”

Boyfriend: “I lust you.”

Me: *laughing* “I lust you too.”

Boyfriend: “I can’t wait till we do this in public.”

Me: “That is why I lust you.”

(My parents are arguing over the dessert at their 30th anniversary dinner.)

Mom: “Why did you get raspberries? You know I don’t like them.”

Dad: “I thought they’d make the apple crumble nice and tart.”

Mom: “I’m the only tart you need!”

Hey readers! Check out these great How We First Met stories we’ve already received for the August Themed Story Giveaway:

• Ignorance Breeds Hate, Honesty Breeds A Family (1,134 votes)
• Save The Day, Get The Girl (1,064 votes)
• Fanning The Flames Of Romance (393 votes)
• A Comic Book Romance (303 votes)
• Humor As Sharp As A Razor (562 votes)
• Creeping Towards Romance (271 votes)
• Save The Day, Get The Girl, Part 2 (301 votes)
• Something Fishy About How They Met (293 votes)

Got a story of your own? Submit it for a chance to win a Not Always Romantic T-shirt!

PS – winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt: Wednesday, September 5!