Me: “What if I turned into a zombie right now, and started to eat your brains?”

Girlfriend: “Well, you already eat out one end; you might as well go for the other.”

Husband: “I’m going to defer to your judgment on this, since you are the more sensible one.”

Me: “Oh, wow, I am! I’m so used to you being better at me than everything. But you’re very abstract and factual in your intelligence, while I’m more down to earth and practical.”

Husband: “Thank you.”

Me: “I’m so used to you being right all the time. It’s one of the qualities I married you for. Haha, it’s because you’re Mr. Right—”

Husband: “—I want a divorce.”

Related:
Divorce For Dessert

(I am on a Skype call with my long distance boyfriend. We haven’t talked for a bit, and I eventually hear deep breathing on the other end.)

Me: “Are you falling asleep?”

Boyfriend: “Hm? No, I was just listening to music. I went into Zen mode.”

Me: “Oh, sorry for breaking you out of it!”

Boyfriend: “It’s alright! You can break me out of anything. Especially prison… if I ever get caught.”

Me: “What for?”

Boyfriend: “For stealing your heart!”

(My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed. I keep trying to get out of bed, but he keeps wrapping his arm around me.)

Me: “Stop it! I wanna get out!”

Fiancé: “But I wanna cuddle you!”

Me: “Jeez, you’re like a Tentacool using wrap!”

Fiancé: “Tentacool used wrap! You can’t escape!”

(He tries to cuddle me again.)

Me: “Aha! I have the ability Rough Skin! [Fiance's name] was hurt!”

Fiancé: “…d*** it.”

(He actually lets me go!)

Related:
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 11
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 10
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 9
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 8
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 7
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 6
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 5
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 4
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 3
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 2
Good Thing They Caught Each Other