(I have just shown my girlfriend a picture of a pregnant Doberman being saved from a fire. The dog is licking the fireman’s nose.)

Girlfriend: “Aww!”

Me: “I know! A little doggy love!”

Girlfriend: “What if she was trying to bite the fireman’s nose off?”

Me: “If that’s what one of your pregnancy cravings are, I’m staying well the h*** away.”

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