(It’s my friend’s wedding. His bride-to-be has some behavioral issues, so not everyone is happy about their marriage. Nonetheless, I decide to go over to my friend’s mother and congratulate her.)

Me: “Hi, congratulations on your son’s marriage!

Friend’s mother: “Don’t you mean, ‘My condolences’?”

Me: *awkward silence*

(On the other side of the room, we see my friend being congratulated by a female friend. Immediately, the bride storms over and pulls my friend away.)

Friend’s mother: “I give them three weeks before one murders the other.”