(My husband and I are both professors at the same university. He’s a physics professor and mildly autistic. This means his social skills are terrible until he knows you quite well. I walk into his classroom before he starts teaching to see if he wants something to eat.)

Me: “Sweetie, do you want something from the deli?”

(My husband shakes his head no and gives me a little smile before walking away to collect his notes.)

Student: “Are you his assistant or something?”

Me: “No, I’m his wife.”

Student: “No, really?”

Me: “Yeah, really.”

Student: *grins* “What’s a woman like you doing with a guy like him?”

Me: “A guy like him?”

Student: “You know, he’s…different.”

Me: “Oh, I see a difference.”

Student: *waggles eyebrows and leans in* “Exactly–”

Me: “He’s getting laid tonight and you’re not.”

(I walk over, grab my husband’s butt, and plant a lip-lock on him before walking out. The other students in the class cheer while the jerk stands there, floored. I’m a bad wife for embarrassing the pants off of my husband, but I still think it was totally worth it!)