(My boyfriend and I are watching ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’. The movie reaches the little blurbs showing the search for the golden ticket. In one, a woman’s husband is held for ransom, and the kidnapper says they want the woman’s case of Wonka bars, or her husband is dead. The woman asks how long they’ll give her to think about it.)

Boyfriend: “If that was us, how much time would you need to think about it?”

Me: *looking at him lovingly* “Not even a second.”

Boyfriend: “Even if you’d paid thousands of dollars for that case of Wonka Bars?”

Me: *innocently* “Sweetie, chocolate is always priority.”

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Give Him Sweet Time