(I hate it when my boyfriend falls asleep on the couch, because he’s really hard to wake up and I am usually trapped on the couch with him until morning.)

Me: “Are you falling asleep?”

Boyfriend: “No. My eyes are closed but I’m listening.”

Me: “What did she just say on the TV then?”

Boyfriend: *long silence* “Huh?”

Me: “You’re asleep.”

Boyfriend: *long silence* “Nuh uh.”

(My boyfriend starts to snore and drool on my shoulder. I manage to untangle myself from him, find the remote, and turn off the TV.)

Boyfriend: “Oh my God! Why would you turn off Sister Wives? That’s so mean!”