(My boyfriend and I are video chatting with another guy that I used to date. My boyfriend is continuously reaching for my chest as a joke. I keep slapping him away, laughing.)

Me: “Leave me alone!”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Hey, don’t blame him. They’re so big they have their own gravitational pull.”

Me: “Ugh.”

(My boyfriend reaches for something on his desk and holds it up.)

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I always have to use this to find them.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Boyfriend: “A star chart!”

(The two collapse into laughter as I try and figure out how I keep dating men who love to mock me.)