(I am at an outdoor mall with my boyfriend. I hurt my knee and I’m limping across the road behind him when a limo with several teenage couples in it has to wait for me to move.)

Girl in limo #1: “Hey slow people! Move it!”

Girl in limo #2: “Yeah, move it!”

Boyfriend: “Hey drunk lady, shut up!”

Boy in limo #1: “Hey pretty boy, get laid!”

Boyfriend: *points at me* “Why do you think she’s limping!?”

Everyone in limo: *drives by in silence*

(A couple comes in and are waiting for their food. The boy looks like your typical redneck while his girlfriend is more alternative with colored hair and tattoos. I overhear their conversation.)

Boyfriend: “I don’t understand what the big deal about gay marriage is.”

Girlfriend: *stares at him like he’s an idiot*

Boyfriend: “What?”

Girlfriend: “A right is a right, and shouldn’t be treated as if it’s a privilege.”

Boyfriend: “…huh?”

Girlfriend: “Alright, this is the only analogy I have left to explain this to you. We have to get rid of all of your guns, and you lose your right to bare arms because it doesn’t agree with my religion.”

(He stares off into space for a few minutes.)

Boyfriend: “…But it’s my right.”

Girlfriend: “Keep thinking.”

Boyfriend: “…hey, that’s bulls***!”

Girlfriend: “There we go, I knew you had a brain in there.”

(They get their food and are getting ready to leave.)

Boyfriend: “Wait, I don’t have to give up my guns do I?”

Girlfriend: *face-palms* “Thank the gods you’re cute.”

(My girlfriend and I are walking down the street on my way to work, when a leaf flutters down from a nearby tree. My girlfriend recoils about a foot, with a sudden look of terror. We stop, and I stare at her with huge eyes.)

Girlfriend: “We’re being attacked!”

Me: “It’s a leaf.”

Girlfriend: “But it came at me!”

Me: “With leaf-al intent!”

(My boyfriend and I live 700 miles away from each other, so we frequently call or text to stay in contact. I am also exceptionally innocent and sheltered for my age, so there are some terms or phrases that I frequently get wrong.)

Me: *on the phone* “This distance is awful. We should arrange a meeting or something halfway so we don’t spend 12 hours in the car.”

Boyfriend: “That sounds nice, but what would we do?

Me: “I was thinking we’d rent a hotel room, order pizza, and watch trashy movies.”

Boyfriend: “Um, sweetheart, I don’t think that means what you think it means.”

(He explains.)

Me: *embarrassed* “Oh, my God! I thought those were movies you threw in the trash because they were so bad!”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “And this is one of the many reasons why I love you.”

Boyfriend: “It’s weird.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Being in this relationship.”

Me: *a little hurt* “What? Why?”

Boyfriend: “I mean a healthy one! One where I am happy all the time!”

Me: “You could have just led with that instead of making me question everything for a couple of horrifying seconds.”