(It’s super late, and I’ve been begging my boyfriend to let me go to sleep as I’m barely coherent. He keeps insisting I’m fine.)

Me: *waking up from a micro-dream* “Is Dudley Do-Right a yeti?!”

Boyfriend: “What?!”

Me: *hysterically laughing* “I had a dream that Dudley Do-Right ripped his face off, and he was a yeti!”

Boyfriend: “Okay, I believe you need sleep now.”

(I’m at the end of a blind date with an awkward-but-sweet guy.)

Guy: “I really had fun. I’d like to see you again.”

Me: “Me too. I have to work overtime this week, but next week, I’m free.”

(We set up a time to go out again. The next day, a text comes in.)

Guy: “So, can we go out tonight?”

Me: “Sorry, I get home late and I have to work early. I’ll see you next Tuesday, though!”

(The next day, I get another text.)

Guy: “Can I see a picture of you in a bathing suit?”

Me: “No! That’s not something I show any guy!”

(In addition to being self-conscious, I am a very modest person, so I don’t do that sort of thing. The next day…)

Me: “How are you doing?”

Guy: “Good, but you haven’t sent me a bikini shot. Can we go out tonight?”

(That night, I talk to the friend who set us up.)

Me: “He wants to see me in a bikini. That’s kind of creepy.”

My Friend: “Oh, well, he’s trying to narrow down the three girls he’s dating and he wants to see all of them in bikinis.”

Me: “Well, then I can narrow it down to two!”

(My boyfriend and I have been dating for over five months. We’re past the incredibly mushy, sweet stage, and into the over-sharing, comfortable, let-me-show-you-my-weird-side stage. We are cuddled up on the couch watching TV. I stick my tongue out when my boyfriend says something sarcastic.)

Boyfriend: “Let’s touch tongues.”

Me: “Ew! No!”

Boyfriend: “Please?”

Me: “No.”

Boyfriend: “Pretty please?”

Me: “Fine.” *tongues touch*

Boyfriend: “That was so weird!”

Me: “Gross-icky-ewwwww!”

(Two seconds later.)

Boyfriend: “Let’s touch tongues again.”

(My boyfriend and I are at his brother’s 21st birthday party, and my boyfriend is wearing his brother’s 21st tiara.)

Boyfriend: “I’m a pretty princess.”

Me: “You’re a pretty purple princess.”

Me: “Actually, you’re a pretty pink, and purple princess.”

Boyfriend: “A perfect pretty pink, and purple princess.”

Me: “A pedantic, perfect, pretty, pink and purple princess.”

Boyfriend: “A painfully pedantic, perfect, pretty, pink and purple princess.”

Me: “A poignant, painfully pedantic, perfect, pretty, pink and purple princess.”

Boyfriend: “So, a purposely poignant, painfully pedantic, perfect, pretty, pink and purple princess.”

(Guys like to punish the bathroom, and my boyfriend is not an exception.)

Boyfriend: “I need to go to the bathroom, and it is going to be really bad.”

Me: “You have given the toilet everything!”

Boyfriend: *Batman voice* “Not everything. Not yet.”

Me: “…we are going to have separate bathrooms in our house.”