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    Transformers Is Kind Of Hammy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m standing in the kitchen, putting away the leftovers from dinner, part of which includes a rather large oven roasted ham. My husband is in the living room watching TV.)

    Husband: *shouts from the living room* “Wait! Are you putting away the ham?”

    Me: “Yes. Why? Do you want more?”

    Husband: *runs into the room* “I demand more ham!” *changes his voice to a high pitched scratchy voice* “Starscream demands more ham!”

    Me: “Ha! Okay, here.” *places a slice on his plate*

    Husband: *still in squeaky voice* “More ham! Starscream must have ALL the ham!”

    (I give him another slice and he giggles as he runs back into the living room.)

    Husband: *from living room, changes voice to deep voice* “Starscream?! What are you up to?” *changes voice back to squeaky voice* “Nothing, Lord Megatron! I have brought you some delicious ham!”

    Me: “Haha! I love you!”

    Just Bowled Him Over

    | WI, USA | Dating

    Me: “I’m really looking forward to this evening.”

    Girlfriend: “Why? What happens this evening?”

    Me: “You’re kidding, right? The Super Bowl!?”

    Girlfriend: “Ah… that’s football, right?”

    It Pains Me To Relax

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Having gotten my tetanus shot just the day before, I’ve spent the whole day miserable and feeling like someone punched me in the arm. I’m talking with my husband after we get home from work, and he’s trying to convince me to take it easy for the evening.)

    Me: “Honey, you’re exhausted, too! It’s not fair for me to do nothing while you do all the chores!”

    Husband: “Honey, I want to do this to take care of you…”

    (As he is speaking, he reaches out and holds my upper arms… right over the bruise from the shot.)

    Me: “Ow, ow, OW!”

    (Realizing his mistake he takes his hands off me like I’m on fire, but then proceeds to wave them around for a few seconds, and then land them on my hips so he can finish his sentence.)

    Him: “… so please just sit and relax!”

    A Wandering Mind Is Better Than A Wandering Heart

    | Mexico City, Mexico | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has a habit of letting his mind wander off, so sometimes he answers things that only make sense in his mind’s context. One night, we are cuddling and I’m in the mood for saying sweet nothings to one another.)

    Me: *with the cutest voice I can do* “Wat’chu thinking, sweetie?”

    Husband: “I think I should upload more Bob Dylan and The Clash to my cellphone.”

    Me: “… Gee, thanks, sweetie. Me, too.”

    Call The Pun Police

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are driving. We’ve noticed a lot more police out and about so we are discussing it. Then, this happens:)

    Husband: “Is that cop driving on a donut?” *meaning a spare tire*

    Me: *barely controlled giggling*

    Husband: “What? What’s so funny?”

    Me: “The cop… is driving on a donut…”

    Husband: *takes a minute* “Oh! D*** it! Now I’m making puns. You! You did this to me!”

    Me: *maniacal laughter*

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