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    They Should Have Been Called The God Particle

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My clock radio goes off at six am and I lie in bed with my wife for a bit, listening to NPR before getting up. The commenters are doing a story on scientists discovering that neutrinos have mass.)

    Me: “Hmm… I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”

    Wife: “Who’s Catholic?”

    Me: “Neutrinos.”

    Wife: “Who’s neutrinos?”

    Me: “Sub-atomic particle.”

    Wife: “Sub-a-what?”

    Me: “Sub-atomic particles, like protons, neutrons, and electrons.”

    Wife: “And they’re Catholic? Why?”

    Me: “Because they have mass.”

    Wife: “Oh! I feel like such an idiot! I thought they were people from some small country or something!”

    Me: *laughs* “I love you when you haven’t had coffee yet.”

    Won’t Get Ovary It

    | New Zealand | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and at this point have never met. We are still getting to know each other. We had recently argued over something and I later turned around and apologized, having realized I was wrong. I have just finished telling him over Facebook about how I admitted to my dad that the argument was my fault. Note: I had surgery on my skull as a baby to correct Craniosynostosis.)

    Me: “…[Dad] looked at me funny and then said: ‘It takes a real man to admit he’s wrong. Well done.’”

    Boyfriend: “It’s true. Before you I’ve never heard a woman say that before.”

    Me: “He did call me a man to do that…”

    Boyfriend: “I may need to see a birth certificate or proof that you are a girl. You sure that scar on your head wasn’t a brain transplant? Because if so, I’m not judging.”

    Me: “I laughed so hard I had to read that to my parents.”

    Boyfriend: “Good, I was worried you would take it and be hurt.”

    Me: “I never laugh out loud at stuff I read… That was brilliant. Well, proof of feminism. I got plenty. Paperwork, organs, body shape, monthly rubbish… Plenty of evidence!”

    Me: “And I’m too cute to have a d***.”

    Boyfriend: “I think I’m going to have to see this body shape and organs.”

    Me: “I have ovaries.”

    Boyfriend: “SHOW THEM TO ME!”

    Its Ingredients Shall Not Be Spoken Here

    | Italy | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m busy preparing dinner when my husband gets home. He enters the kitchen to get a glass of water, and stands right behind me as I’m coring the endive.)

    Husband: *in a low growl* “Make me a salad… worthy… of MORDOR.”

    Until Statistical Inevitability Do Us Part

    | Laurel, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are in attendance to a friend’s wedding. In accordance to the Anglican ceremony, after the vows are exchanged, they sit in the first row while their pastor gives a short sermon.)

    Pastor: *taking the stage and looking directly at the newlyweds* “[Couple], congratulations. You are now sitting next to the person statistically most likely to kill you.”

    Saw That Punchline Coming A Mile Away

    | Elyria, OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am driving with my wife in the passenger seat to visit her parents in a suburb of Cleveland, OH. She spots a small road sign that reads “Cleveland Psychic Convention June 10th.” It is July, so obviously the sign is outdated.)

    Wife: “Oh shoot, we missed the Psychic Convention!”

    Me: “I saw that coming.”

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