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    My Own Personal Guardian

    | Broussard, LA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I will often use the word ‘grood,’ a combination of ‘great’ and ‘good.’ We are also both just goofy dorks in general. I’ve been having a bad day, and he’s comforting me.)

    Husband: “You’re cute. And you’re great.”

    Me: “Yeah… yeah, I am.”

    Husband: “Great and cute.”

    Me: *pause* “I am Groot?”

    Husband: *gleeful* “I was waiting for that!”

    (And yes, I felt much better after that!)

    Their Argument Is Cystemic

    | Shanghai, China | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are at home and I’ve just heated up a plate of leftover rice and beans.)

    Husband: “I never did like beans.”

    Me: “I know. I always have.”

    Husband: “It looks like crap.”

    Me: “Mmm, yummy yummy crap…” *continues eating the refried beans*

    Husband: *speechless for a few moments* “I watched that cyst removal video today and that was nowhere near as gross as what you just said. You broke me, honey… I got nothing.”

    Me: *howling with laughter*

    High Five, Down Below

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are about to have sex for the first time. She pulls off my pants and looks at my penis for a moment before holding up her hand for a high five.)

    Girlfriend: “Nice.”

    Top 5 Funniest Stories Of October 2014

    | Not Always Romantic | Roundups

    October 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Romantic’s top-rated stories last month!

    1. Monitoring The Breakup Situation (607 thumbs up)
    2. Love Cures All (583 thumbs up)
    3. A Naked Pause (567 thumbs up)
    4. Can’t Be Sick Of You If I Tried (566 thumbs up)
    5. Having Trouble Exorcizing The Ex (480 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    The Humdrums Of A Relationship

    | NC, USA | Dating

    (I am texting my boyfriend while he is working.)

    Boyfriend: “You know what might be messing with my sleep? The AC hasn’t been droning because it’s cool at night. I’m ‘aware’ enough in my sleep to notice a silence.”

    Me: “I could hum near your head while you sleep if you like.”

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