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    Ring Has Come Full Circle

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (After losing some weight my wedding ring has gotten rather loose, and one day it slips off and I can’t find it. I’m really upset about it. We’re searching frantically, and we’re putting together a lost and found notice. We’ve started discussing a replacement, which I would like with an opal instead of a diamond. Then, as I’m in the shower…)

    Husband: “You found your ring.”

    Me: “No, of course not.”

    Husband: “So, that’s not it on the floor next to your pajamas?”

    Me: “Oh, my God. Is that really it?! It must have slipped off when I got ready for a shower that day and got covered in clothes.”

    (I’m so relieved I’m laughing and crying at the same time, and then I stop.)

    Me: “So, this means no opal?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Foreign Hairball


    A New Level Of Technical ‘Support’

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Dating

    (I’m in a long-distance relationship. This exchange occurs over Skype a little while after my girlfriend was briefly off-camera and I had heard a strange noise:)

    Girlfriend: “By the way, that noise earlier was me scratching my boobs.”

    Me: “Oh, wow, it was really loud. You must have been right on the mic.”

    Girlfriend: “Huh?”

    Me: “I know what scratching sounds like, and it’s not usually that loud.”

    Girlfriend: “I think the program just amplifies whatever sound is happening when we aren’t talking.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Well, maybe in the future I can help you with that.”

    (She bursts out laughing, then after a moment of realization, I do, too.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m not even sure what you meant by that!”

    Me: “Me neither! I was just trying to say something supportive…” *she laughs again* “…but it ended up sounding a different kind of supportive.” *we both laugh more* “Seriously, it’s a miracle that you haven’t broken up with me by now.”

    Your Hellboy Is Just Heavenly

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing co-op video game.)

    Boyfriend: “Hey, best superhero?”

    Me: *not really listening to the question* “I don’t know, why?”

    Boyfriend: “Just… best superhero?”

    Me: “Like, Marvel/DC superpowers hero, or—”

    Boyfriend: “Your favorite! Just go with your first response!”

    Me: “Hellboy.”

    Boyfriend: “Check it out!”

    (I turn to see his character appearance is now red clothing, swarthy skin, and rugged appearance, as close to Hellboy as possible given the constraints of the game.)

    Me: *melts*

    That Joke Fell Flat As A Pancake

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s night time. My husband and I are trying to figure out where we want to go for breakfast the next morning.)

    Me: “I really want pancakes, I think.”

    Husband: “Where do you want pancakes from?”

    Me: “Well, [Restaurant #1] is closer and they have chocolate chip pancakes, but [Restaurant #2] is better.”

    Husband: “A pancake’s a pancake, isn’t it?”

    Me: “No, [Restaurant #1] doesn’t always cook theirs all the way through. Sometimes they’re doughy in the middle.”

    Husband: “Sometimes YOU’RE doughy in the middle.”

    Me: *glares*

    Husband: “Oh, s***. I didn’t think that one through.”

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