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  • Can’t Be Sick Of You If I Tried
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  • The Wrong Kind Of Animal Attraction, Part 2

    | Sweden | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are rolling around in bed. He lays on top of me and hugs me with both arms and legs.)

    Boyfriend: “I am a turtle!”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *sadly* “I meant frog.”

    (There is another pause; I’m starting to laugh.)

    Boyfriend: *happily* “It’s okay. They are both reptilians!”

    (More pause.)

    Boyfriend: *disappointed* “No, frogs are amphibians.”

    Related:
    The Wrong Kind Of Animal Attraction

    Take Your Dreams With A Pinch Of Salt

    | AZ, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend works nights and is getting home when I am waking up. We are cuddling in bed while he falls asleep when he twitches and ends up smacking my head.)

    Me: “Hey! You need to stop assaulting me!”

    Boyfriend: *looks at me* “You need to salt you!” *falls asleep*

    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 34

    | USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend lives a few states away from me which leaves calling and texting our only means of communication. One day a thought struck me in the middle of our conversation.)

    Me: “Hey, if I ever became a zombie, would you kill me?”

    Girlfriend: “Babe, I work in a hospital. That’s zombie ground zero. You live in the middle of nowhere Texas border where everyone already is in family clans, lives on farms, and is heavily armed. There’s no way you’re becoming a zombie before me.”

    Me: “This is zombie apocalypse zone! If we get overrun, there’s nowhere TO run, we’re    screwed!”

    Girlfriend: “I’m on the same floor as the morgue.”

    Me: “… I promise I’ll kill you.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 33
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 32
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 31
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 30
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 29
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 28
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 27
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 26
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 25

    Photographing The Bridesmaids And Never The Bride

    | Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (A coworker-friend of mine has just gotten married, and is having various groups of people pose for photos at the reception. For one set of photos, he asks all his coworkers to pose with him as a group.)

    Groom: “All right, let’s start off with a photo of just the work crew.”

    (We all group up and the photographer takes the photo.)

    Groom: “Okay, now let’s do a group photo including spouses.”

    (We all group up, but there’s someone very important missing…)

    Coworker: “You forgot [Bride].”

    Groom: “Oops…”

    Em(Bra)cing The Chores

    | Madison, WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just come home from the gym and stop into the computer room to talk to my husband. I’ve already removed my shirt and am wearing just my zip-front sports bra.)

    Me: “I’m going to get out of these clothes and take a shower so you can wash them.”

    Husband: “I don’t want to do laundry.”

    Me: *gesturing at the zipper on my sports bra* “Want to unwrap my boobs?”

    Husband: *zip* “That actually made me feel a little better.”


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