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    Surfing The Same Wave Together

    | MA, USA | Dating

    (I can never fall asleep when I want to, so I decide to leave my [Tablet] in another room so it doesn’t distract me. I tell my boyfriend this so he can remind me not to take it with me to bed.)

    Boyfriend: “It’s 9:30.”

    Me: “Yeah, I know.” *still web surfing*

    Boyfriend: “Don’t you have to go to bed?”

    Me: “You’re going to have to take my [Tablet] away from me.”

    Boyfriend: “Give it to me, then.”

    Me: “No!” *moves out of his reach*

    (He sighs, gets up, and takes the Tablet.)

    Boyfriend: “Good night.”

    Me: “Fine, good night.”

    (Before I leave the room I notice that he has started surfing on the same webpage I was on.)

    Me: “It’s nice to know that you have picked up where I left off.”

    Enough To Drive You Elemental

    | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Engaged

    (Two teachers at my school have become engaged, and no one saw it coming. They both also happened to teach science at the school.)

    Student #1: “Aww, I guess you could say they have great chemistry!”

    Student #2: “Yeah, they really formed a bond!”

    Teacher: “If I hear someone make a pun off us both being chemistry teachers, I am going to strangle them!”

    (The students scatter.)

    Me: “I guess they got an unexpected reaction.”

    Teacher: *glaring then bursting out laughing* “All right, since it wasn’t about me I will let it slide!”

    The Corpse Bride

    | NJ, USA | Dating

    (I’m working at a huge indoor color guard competition while my boyfriend has been on band tour with his college band. We haven’t called each other all week. He calls me.)

    Me: “Hello, you have reached the babysitter.”

    Boyfriend: “Hello, this is the morgue. We have your corpses ready.”

    Me: “You have my corpses ready? Oh, that’s good.”

    (At this point, a very good friend of ours begins inching away from me, while my boyfriend’s mother laughs.)

    Me: “When can I expect delivery?”

    Boyfriend: It’s pick up only. Remember?

    Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s right. How late are you guys open?”

    Boyfriend: “How late do you NEED us to be open?”

    Me: “Oh, umm… Let me think… Could you wait until three am?”

    Boyfriend: “We can wait for you until then.”

    Me: “Okay, thank you. Hi, honey. How are you?”

    (The sad part is, we do something along those lines at least once a month.)

    The Brain Had A Blocked Number

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My wife came home yesterday and was anxious to show me her cell phone.)

    Wife: “I wrote my phone number on the side of its case so if it’s lost someone can call me and let me know.”

    Me: *not sure if I heard correctly* “Can you repeat that again?”

    Wife: *repeats what she just said*

    Me: “Let me get this straight: Let’s pretend that I’m a stranger and I just found your cellphone. What am I supposed to do?”

    Wife: “Because the phone is locked you should call the phone number I wrote on the case.”

    Me: “So I call your cell phone number to tell you that I found your phone? I think I’ll be getting a busy signal.”

    Wife: “Why?”

    Me: “Think about it a minute.”

    (About 30 seconds transpire before the dawn of realization comes over her.)

    Wife: *face-palms*

    Jam Packed With Love

    | Australia | Dating

    (It is our two month anniversary, and we are discussing food since we can’t be together.)

    Me: “Do you like black jellybeans?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes!”

    Me: “ Cool, I’ll give them to you tomorrow.”

    Boyfriend: “Aw! I love you”

    Me: “I shall bribe your love with food.”

    Boyfriend: “Then I shall love you forever!”

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