Me: “What if I turned into a zombie right now, and started to eat your brains?”

Girlfriend: “Well, you already eat out one end; you might as well go for the other.”

Husband: “I’m going to defer to your judgment on this, since you are the more sensible one.”

Me: “Oh, wow, I am! I’m so used to you being better at me than everything. But you’re very abstract and factual in your intelligence, while I’m more down to earth and practical.”

Husband: “Thank you.”

Me: “I’m so used to you being right all the time. It’s one of the qualities I married you for. Haha, it’s because you’re Mr. Right—”

Husband: “—I want a divorce.”

Related:
Divorce For Dessert

(I am on a Skype call with my long distance boyfriend. We haven’t talked for a bit, and I eventually hear deep breathing on the other end.)

Me: “Are you falling asleep?”

Boyfriend: “Hm? No, I was just listening to music. I went into Zen mode.”

Me: “Oh, sorry for breaking you out of it!”

Boyfriend: “It’s alright! You can break me out of anything. Especially prison… if I ever get caught.”

Me: “What for?”

Boyfriend: “For stealing your heart!”

(My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed. I keep trying to get out of bed, but he keeps wrapping his arm around me.)

Me: “Stop it! I wanna get out!”

Fiancé: “But I wanna cuddle you!”

Me: “Jeez, you’re like a Tentacool using wrap!”

Fiancé: “Tentacool used wrap! You can’t escape!”

(He tries to cuddle me again.)

Me: “Aha! I have the ability Rough Skin! [Fiance's name] was hurt!”

Fiancé: “…d*** it.”

(He actually lets me go!)

Related:
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 11
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 10
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 9
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 8
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 7
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 6
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 5
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 4
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 3
Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 2
Good Thing They Caught Each Other

(My boyfriend and I love horror movies, and are both die-hard fans of ‘The Walking Dead’.)

Me: “Babe, if there’s a zombie apocalypse and I get turned, would you kill me?”

Boyfriend: “Nah, I’d pull a ‘Michonne’ so I could keep you with me. You’d be protecting me then.”

Me: *hugs him tight* “This is why I love you! I had the same plan!”

(Michonne is a character who has two zombies that she keeps as ‘pets’, by removing their arms and lower jaws.)

Related:
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 20
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 19
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 18
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 17
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 16
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 15
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 14
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 13
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 12
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 11
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 10
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 9
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 8
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 7
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 6
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 5
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 4
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 3
Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 2
Till Undeath Do Us Part