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    Kissing His Relationship Goodbye

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Dating, Young Love

    (I overhear my 12-year-old son talking to his girlfriend on the phone.)

    Son: “What does it feel like when I kiss you?”

    (I don’t hear her answer, but he replies.)

    Son: “That’s weird, because it makes me feel a bit sick in my mouth when I kiss you.”

    Sweet And Sticky

    | USA | Dating

    (I text my boyfriend at work.)

    Me: “If I were to make brownies, would you want to come over for sex?”

    (After a long delay.)

    Boyfriend: “I read that aloud just now and [Coworker] almost peed his pants.”

    Me: “So… Yes?”

    A 5.8 On The Hoppen Scale

    | OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is re-entering the bedroom just after I’d turned out the lights. He stops in the doorway.)

    Husband: “It’s dark! I can’t find the bed.”

    Me: “It’s in the same place it was a few minutes ago. The same place it’s always been.”

    Husband: *pausing, sleepy* “Are you sure there wasn’t an earthquake… or an interior decorator?”

    More Naughty Than Nice

    | TX, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a big fan of Christmas music. I’m in bed with my boyfriend and can’t sleep. He is about to fall asleep. I start singing Christmas songs under my breath. It’s the last night of November.)

    Me: “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas—”

    Boyfriend: “For goodness sake! It’s not even December yet.”

    Me: “It will be if I keep singing for a couple more hours!”

    (My boyfriend covers his head with a pillow. I stop singing, realizing that it’s bothering him. Then he gets out of bed and leaves the room. He comes back with my Christmas hat and sexy red baby doll slip.)

    Boyfriend: “Keep singing, ‘Santa Baby.’ But make sure you dress the part. We need to start this Christmas season right.”

    Fear And Loathing Of Your Girlfriend

    | Norway | Dating, Fights/Breakups, Top

    (My girlfriend is kind of a ‘90s riot-girl. I´ve had a hard time giving her a ‘pet name,’ as everything just seems wrong. Calling her ‘baby’ or ‘honey’ makes me feel really uncomfortable, and she doesn’t like it much either. However, lately I’ve started making fun of the whole thing using a modified quote from her favourite movie, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. She thinks it’s awesome, so I keep using it. We are at a house party with a bunch of my friends. They all really like my girlfriend, and keep telling me to hold on to her.)

    Girlfriend: “So, I’m getting another drink. Want one?”

    Me: “No, thanks. I’m good.”

    (My girlfriend gets up and walks towards the kitchen. I lift up my bottle of beer, only to realize that it is actually close to empty.)

    Me: *shouting* “Hey! Sweetie, honey, baby, child, WHATEVER! Get me another beer!”

    (At this point, ALL the people in the room have turned to me and are giving me the evil eye.)

    Me: “NO! Wait! She… It’s an inside joke! She finds it funny!”

    (Everyone is still glaring.)

    Me: *to girlfriend* “Please…”

    Girlfriend: *bursts out laughing* “MAN! I wish I could keep a straight face right now! Your friends would MURDER you!”


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