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    A Lot Of Inappropriate Content In The Cloud

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating

    (While enjoying a relaxing date by lounging in the grass at a local park, the two of us have started staring at the sky.)

    Me: “There’s one of the seaplanes.”

    Girlfriend: “Let’s find shapes in the clouds! That one kinda looks like a big mushroom.”

    Me: “Hmm… yeah.” *pointing to a cloud* “And that one over there kinda looks like a seahorse.”

    Girlfriend: *pointing at the same cloud* “Look, a PENIS!”

    (She proceeded to giggle madly for ten minutes and now enjoys sending me seahorse related gifts.)

    Made A Huge Mistake

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I often make fake non-nonsensical insults back and forth to one another. He says ‘I want a Popsicle’ I say ‘YOU’RE a Popsicle!’ This will progress to ‘Your FACE is a Popsicle’ to ‘Your MOM’s face is a Popsicle’ etc. We are out shopping.)

    Boyfriend: “I swear this store looks closer than it did before.”

    Me: “Well, they did open up this area here with some construction. It looks huge.”

    Boyfriend: *in joking tone* “YOU’RE huge!”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *in horrified tone* “Oh, my god… What did I just say?!”

    Me: *cracks up laughing*

    A Basic Knead


    www.buzzfeed.com_ariellecalderon_hunger-games-puns-you-cant-help-but-laugh-at_sub=3386719_3330242

    Zombie-Lite

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners, Zombies

    (My husband has a headache that is making him act tired/zoned-out. I try to make him laugh by call him a zombie.)

    Me: “Don’t bite me. I don’t want to be a zombie!”

    Husband: “Don’t worry. I’ll use zombie-nibble.”

    Age Gap Mishap

    | USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (A regular walks in with her 15-year-old son and gets a book she ordered. They leave and a few minutes later I get a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey hun, this is [Customer]. I was just in there a few minutes ago.”

    Me: “Hey, [Customer]. Was there a problem with your book?”

    Customer: “No! My son wanted me to call and tell you that you were pretty. Do you want to go on date with him? I wouldn’t mind.”

    Me: “Um, that’s very nice and I’m sure he’s wonderful but I think I am a little too old for him.”

    Customer: “What? Aren’t you 17?”

    (I look really young for my age and constantly get mistaken for a high school or college student.)

    Me: “No, I’m 28.”

    Customer: *muffled voice as she relays the information to her son* “She’s 28!”

    Customer’s Son: *muffled in the background* “18! Tell her I’m 18!”

    Customer: “I am so sorry. Thank you.” *click*


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