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  • Facing The Romance
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    | Canada | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s bed time and I am reading while my boyfriend has already dozed off. He suddenly rolls over, still fully asleep.)

    Boyfriend: “You have no face.”

    Me: *trying not laugh loud enough to wake him* “Why? Did you eat it?”

    Boyfriend: *still asleep starts making mock chewing movements* “Mmmmmmm!”

    (After that he would not answer any more questions regarding my lack of face and once he woke up the next day he had no recollection of this conversation.)

    As Parents They’re Fired

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My wife is recovering from abdominal surgery, which she needed about a month after our daughter was born. My wife has been taking pain meds so that she can sleep.)

    Wife: *out of what seemed to be a sound sleep* “You should put the baby out. She’s on fire.”

    Me: “Did you just say that the baby is on fire?”

    Wife: “Yes. She’s on fire. Put out the baby.” *goes back to sleep*

    (As far as we could reconstruct, this was a drug-garbled attempt to get me to check to see if the baby was too hot. Needless to say, the baby wasn’t on fire, and “‘put the baby out if she’s on fire’ quickly became our favorite piece of advice for new parents.)

    Should Have Got Out While They Could

    | FL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m in the living room watching TV when I hear my husband shouting my name from the bathroom. He sounds like he needs help so I run in.)

    Me: “What’s wrong?”

    Husband: *in a sad voice* “I can’t get my poop out.”

    Me: “I ran in here thinking something was really wrong & you just wanted to tell me that?”

    Husband: *still sad voice* “Feel bad for meeeeee!”

    Will Never Hear The End Of It

    | Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are at Friend #1’s house for her birthday. My boyfriend and her boyfriend, Friend #2, are in the kitchen talking while Friend #1 and I are in another room preparing drinks.)

    Friend #2: “Man, [Friend #1] hardly ever hears me, even if I’m standing right beside her.”

    Boyfriend: “That’s okay. [My Name] hears me say her name whenever I say it, even if we’re in different rooms.”

    Me: *from the other room* “Are you talking about me?!”

    Boyfriend: “See?”

    Keeping Each Other Up-Dated

    | USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’m on a first date with somebody I’ve hung out with before as a part of a group, so we really don’t know each other well. He decides to go with a traditional ‘dinner and a movie’ date. There are some awkward moments during dinner, which we both point out. This happens at the movie theater, right before the movie starts.)

    Him: “So… how do you feel about the awkward hand over the shoulder thing?”

    (Silence…)

    Him: “… Probably not now, huh?”

    Me: “Yeah, probably not now.”

    Him: “Well, I’m okay with the status quo, too. Plus it gets uncomfortable after a while when my arm goes to sleep.”

    (We didn’t speak again until the credits.)


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