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    Smeagol Shore

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are cuddling on the couch. He’s informed me that he needs a pet name for me and has been trying to come up with one for most of the day.)

    Boyfriend: “How about poopsie?”

    Me: “What? No!”

    Boyfriend: “I loooooove you poopsie.”

    (He continues on in this manner for a little while then becomes serious again. Meanwhile he’s playing with my hair, which is rather long and he loves to play with.)

    Boyfriend: “How about shnookum?”

    Me: “No, that sounds like a combination of Snooki and Gollum. And I hope I don’t remind you of either of those!”

    In Tandem With His Random

    | London, England, UK | Dating

    (A CD I really wanted arrives unexpectedly in the post addressed to me, but with no note or indication of who it’s from. My boyfriend has a quirky and very deadpan sense of humour.)

    Me: “Oh wow! Someone’s sent me that CD I wanted! Was that you, by any chance?”

    Boyfriend: “Must be one of those random acts of kindness I’ve been hearing about.”

    Me: “I knew it was you. Thank you so much!”

    Boyfriend: “Not much gets past you. Does it?”

    Me: “Only you would send something I really wanted anonymously and then try to convince me it was someone random. That’s how I know it was you.”

    How To Train Your Boyfriend

    | Daphne, AL, USA | Dating

    (My friends and I go to see ‘The Desolation of Smaug’ in theaters. One of my friends has brought along his girlfriend.)

    Smaug: “I am the King Under the Mountain!”

    Thorin: “This is not your kingdom!”

    Girlfriend: “Ah, don’t feel bad!” *suggestively* “You can rule my kingdom any time, Benedict Cumberbatch!”

    Me: “What?”

    Girlfriend: “The dragon. He’s voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch.”

    Friend: “It’s okay. That’s one of the rules for dating her. I have to accept that, if she ever has the chance, she’ll leave me for Benedict Cumberbatch. In return, I’m allowed to leave her for Megan Fox. It all works out.”

    How To Train Your Girlfriend

    A Love Across The Star Wars

    | CO, USA | Dating, Top

    (My boyfriend and his friends are huge ‘Star Wars’ fans. They have decided to go to school dressed up like ‘Star Wars’ characters for the release of one of the movies. The night before, I secretly put together a stormtrooper costume (complete with helmet), and wear it to school. Eventually I run into him in the hallway with his friends. He is dressed as a Jedi.)

    Boyfriend: “Who are you?”

    Me: *taking off my helmet* “Someone who loves you very much.”

    (His friends all died.)


    | UK | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “I love you so much! Tons and heaps!”

    Husband: “And I, you, but what brought this on?”

    Me: “I just read a news piece about a study. Less than half of men reported their wives and relationships as ‘very important’ and ‘very close.’ Under two thirds of men and women total reported being ‘very satisfied’ with their relationship. Just made me think how lucky I got!”

    Husband: “Well I’m not ‘very satisfied.’ I’m immensely happy with you!”

    Me: “I think ‘very satisfied’ was the highest they offered though, so in terms of forcefully limited language options, I’m doubleplus doubleplus doubleplus very doubleplus doubleplus satisfied!”

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