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    Rule Them All, It Will

    | UK | Dating

    (We are discussing a news story, where one of the people being quoted is being deceptive.)

    Girlfriend: “Mmm, tricksy are they.”

    Me: “Is that a mixture of Yoda and Gollum?”

    Songs To Wash Dishes By

    | MD, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are cleaning up around the apartment and talking about what song to choose for the first dance at our wedding. I’ve just put on a song that I like.)

    Me: “So it’s about how life moves on and you never know what’s going to happen… but our love is the one thing that’s constant. No matter what happens we’re going to face it together.”

    (He looks up at me with a big grin. I think he’s about to say something sweet.)

    Fiancé: “You know, you should really clean these tea mugs better.”

    Me: “…”

    Fiancé: “It just comes right off! See?”

    Me: “…”

    Fiancé: “What?”

    Eye Agree

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I just got home after a long and stressful day, one of three in a row. One of her best friends may be pregnant. After relaying this news to me we start cuddling.)

    Girlfriend: “I want babies.”

    Me: “I know. Me too.”

    Girlfriend: “Marry me?”

    Me: “In time. I don’t think either of our families would approve us getting engaged after going out for only two months.”

    Girlfriend: “What if we have ugly babies!?”

    Me: “They won’t be ugly because you’re really cute and they will have my eyes.”

    Girlfriend: “Are you saying I have ugly eyes?”

    Me: “No, baby, I love your eyes. But all of you is cute. My only redeeming quality to pass down is my eyes.”

    Beauty And A Beast

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Dating

    (I am talking to my boyfriend about a TV series that I just got him in to.)

    Me: “So, what did you think?”

    Boyfriend: “It was beautiful. I need to punch something to feel like a man again.”

    Laying The Blame Will Not Get You Laid

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (My boyfriend and I are chatting over the phone, discussing a minor issue we’re working through.)

    Me: “I think we just need to remember that we don’t need to assign blame. We both contributed to the problem.”

    Boyfriend: “No. To save my ego, I think I’ll just assign all blame to you.”

    Me: “…”

    Boyfriend: “I feel better already!”

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