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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • How Not To Train Your Boyfriend

    | USA | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (My friends are mostly long distance, including my boyfriend, and we have a group chat. One day I mention people being intimidating and my friends decide to comment. As a note, there’s a running gag that my boyfriend sounds and looks somewhat like Hiccup, from ‘How to Train your Dragon.’)

    Friend #1: “I’m intimidating!”

    Friend #2: “As a wet kitten.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m intimidating.”

    Friend #2: “As a scrawny dragon rider. Although maybe if you had a dragon you would be a bit more intimidating.”

    Boyfriend: “How dare you call [My Name] a dragon!”

    Related:
    How To Train Your Boyfriend

    Can’t Sum It In A Nutshell

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Dating

    (I’ve just finished explaining to my boyfriend why I’ve bought beer he doesn’t like.)

    Me: “So you won’t drink it all.”

    Boyfriend: “You’re nuts.”

    Me: *eyebrows raise*

    Boyfriend: *hastily* “…but hot! Hot nuts!”

    Me: “Hot nuts?”

    Boyfriend: “No, you’re saying it wrong. You have to pause between the words. ‘Hotnuts’ just sounds weird.”

    Me: “Says you, Hotnuts.”

    Not Almost Romantic

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is not very romantic. One night we decide to go out and eat Chinese food. I manage to convince him to try eating with chopsticks, and after showing him how to use them I’m struggling to pick up a large piece of sesame chicken.)

    Boyfriend: “Here, let me get that.”

    (He reaches over, and just when I get my hopes up, he stabs the piece of chicken with a chopstick and holds it out to me. As I go to take a bite, he shoves the entire piece into my mouth, causing me to choke slightly and smear it all over my face.)

    Boyfriend: “Oops?”

    Me: *sighs* “You were this close. This close.”

    Cutey In The Booty

    | USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking to class. It is very cold out and the sidewalks are icy. He slips on a big patch of ice. By instinct, I try to catch him, but instead I grab his butt.)

    Boyfriend: “Are you seriously telling me that if I fell, you would only save my butt?”

    Me: “Dat a**, though.”

    Boyfriend: “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

    Hoping To Live Happily Ever After

    | Houston, TX, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I have just realized that I have an all-day event on the day of our one year anniversary.)

    Girlfriend: “If we have to, we can celebrate a year and a day. That has a fine literary history, at least.”

    Me: “I can’t think of any…”

    Girlfriend: “Well, in fairy tales and such, people are often…” *long pause* “…cursed for a year and a day. That’s not how that sentence was supposed to end!”


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