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    My Wife Doesn’t Know…


    Boys Who Like Girls Who Are Like Boys

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Dating

    (I’m female and texting my long-distance boyfriend after getting home from a long day at work.)

    Boyfriend: “So, what you wearing tonight?”

    Me: “My favorite t-shirt and underwear.”

    Boyfriend: “Sounds like a fun night.”

    Me: “Yup. Me in my undies, eating hot dogs and watching Spaceballs. Oh, my god. I think I might be a dude.”

    Boyfriend: “…I’m breaking up with you.”

    (Just for the record, he didn’t.)

    They Love Each Other Just Cos

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Dating

    (My long-distance boyfriend has texted me to say good morning before I get up for work. This is how the conversation ended. Note: I have a math degree and am a big math geek.)

    Boyfriend: “Well, you must still be in bed or getting up. I’ll catch you later.”

    Me: “Okay. Love you.”

    Boyfriend: “Love you plus sum. That’s supposed to be a math joke, but I failed.”

    Me: “Works for me.”

    Boyfriend: “So it’s functional?”

    Me: “Is this a product of our time together?”

    Boyfriend: “I think it could possibly be the average.”

    Me: “Maybe it’s a sine that my math skills are rubbing off on you. But I won’t go off on a tangent.”

    When Sleep-Talking Just Keep On Walking

    | Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My partner, and I are in bed when he half wakes me by sleep-talking.)

    Partner: *puts his arms around me* “I don’t know what to do with these.”

    Me: “Your arms?”

    Partner: “No! Nothing! Ignore me!” *snore*

    (This kind of thing happens a lot. Even in his sleep he knows when he’s said something stupid and wants it to be ignored.)

    Instantly Deboned

    | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | Dating

    (We’re sitting on the couch. I’m quite tired and my boyfriend notices.)

    Boyfriend: “Want me to bone you to put some new life in you?”

    (He has obviously not considered the other meaning to this.)

    Me: “Don’t you ever ever ever ever ever say that again. You are forbidden to put new life in me!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, s***, I didn’t even think about that!”

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