(I’ve been a little sick of late, which has had some unpleasant effects. I have just left the bathroom when my boyfriend approaches me, wraps his arms around me and gazes deep into my eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Honey…”

Me: “Yes?”

Boyfriend: “My beloved, my shining light, my precious summer flower…”

Me: “Uh… yes?”

Boyfriend: “Darling. I love you, but I could smell that from downstairs.”

(He hands me the air freshener can he has been holding behind my back.)

Related:
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 3
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 2
Can You Smell The Love Tonight

(My boyfriend and I are discussing a mutual friend, at which point I mention that I wouldn’t invest in a ‘one-way street’ relationship.)

Boyfriend: “So, that’s all I am to you? A two-way street?”

Me: “Perhaps a tastefully-decorated avenue?”

(I am talking with my friends in a hallway during a sci-fi convention. As we talk, two Stormtroopers come up and accost someone dressed as Princess Leia.)

Storm-trooper 1: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to come with us.”

Leia: “Are you serious?”

Storm-trooper 2: “Yes, ma’am. We are.”

Leia: “I can’t believe it. This always happens to me!”

(Leia plays along, and allows the Storm-troopers to lead her down the hall. Suddenly, out of nowhere, someone dressed as Han Solo appears. He pushes the Storm-troopers away from Leia, and holds them back with a blaster.)

Han: “Princess, are you okay?”

Leia: “Yes, I’m fine.”

Han: “Princess…” *he turns, drops to one knee, pulls out a ring* “…will you marry me?”

(I thought it might have been a joke or a show at first, but it was real. All four of them posed for pictures for those of us who had been lucky enough to see this event.)

(I have just shown my girlfriend a picture of a pregnant Doberman being saved from a fire. The dog is licking the fireman’s nose.)

Girlfriend: “Aww!”

Me: “I know! A little doggy love!”

Girlfriend: “What if she was trying to bite the fireman’s nose off?”

Me: “If that’s what one of your pregnancy cravings are, I’m staying well the h*** away.”

Related:
Enough To Give Pregnant Pause

(My girlfriend and I have just left my house, and we’re walking down the street. We pass my really pretty neighbour who is painting her fence. Note: my favourite book growing up was ‘The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer’.)

Me: “Well, that looks like an awful lot of fun.”

Neighbour: “Oh, it is. I couldn’t possibly keep all of this fun to myself. I think I may have a paintbrush or two handy, if you feel like having some fun!”

Girlfriend: “Ugh. That’s so boring! You lame-o’s!”

Me: “Perhaps if we had some more time. It certainly does look like a lot of fun.”

Neighbour: “Maybe I could save some for you when you get back…”

(My girlfriend and I walk off. She dumps me later that week, and my neighbour consoles me. My neighbour and I have now been happily married for five years, and we both love painting the fence a different colour every year or so.)