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  • Sock It To Him
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    Pungent Romance

    | ID, USA |

    (My husband is in the kitchen and, after much coaxing, has finally convinced me also to come in, too. I immediately walk over and put my arms around his waist. I’m short enough that my head just barely reaches my husband’s shoulders.)

    Husband: “I love you.” *puts his arms around me and squeezes tightly*

    Me: “I love you, too.”

    (I sigh happily and smile then pause as I realize something is off.)

    Me: “But, you know what, babe? You didn’t put on deodorant today. I can tell because you smell funny.”

    (I squeeze him harder and attempt to snuggle into his chest.)

    Husband: *shoving me away* “Nope, you said I smell funny. Romantic moment is over!”

    Got His Knickers In A Twist

    | Sonoma County, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is returning to bed in the morning when this happens. We have a habit of saying nonsensical dorky things to each other to be cute. I am female.)

    Me: “Hey, Mr. Cutie Man.”

    Husband: “Hey, Mr. Sexy… Panties… um… oh.”

    Bursting With Busting Love

    | Cupertino, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has just picked me up from home so we could go to his place for a movie marathon. We start talking about my large breast size. Even at 21, they’re still growing.)

    Me: “I love you with all my boobs! I’d say heart but my breasts are bigger.”

    Boyfriend: “Ha!”

    Me: “And I’ll love you even more as they get bigger!”

    Boyfriend: *slight gasp* “That… that actually sounded really romantic.”

    All Style, No Substance

    | Melbourne, VIC, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband comes up to me with our daughter’s socks on his ears, going “woof.’)

    Me: *pats his head and scratches his tummy* “Good doggy!”

    Husband: “So good they named a style after me.”

    Stunningly Poor Choice Of Words

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are doing dishes and discussing friends that we haven’t seen in a while. My boyfriend mentions that his old roommate and his girlfriend had been featured in an ‘on the street’ fashion shot in the local paper.)

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, [Roommate] looked awesome. [Roommate’s Girlfriend] was stunning as usual. Like you!”

    (The girlfriend in question is a petite redhead and quite glamorous. I’m big-boned and curvy and I prefer comfy clothes.)

    Me: “A different kind of stunning, maybe?”

    Boyfriend: “You’re right. You’re more like a taser.”

    Me: *laughing* “Thanks, dear.”

    Boyfriend: “No, really. You see you, you’re shocked, and then you scream.”

    Me: *not laughing anymore* “Thanks, love. You’re really helping your situation.”

    Boyfriend: “I know. I’m not really trying to.”


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