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    I Cantaloupe


    A Couple Of Points Are Lost On Him

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are a pretty strange couple. For instance we made up a pig/cow hybrid that says ‘moink moink’ and we also have our own ‘language’ just using random phrases. On this particular day, two of his band-mates have come over for a horror movie. Band-mate #1 is single, whereas Band-mate #2 has a girlfriend. My boyfriend goes to make popcorn.)

    Me: “Moink moink?”

    Boyfriend: “Moo.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Band-Mate#1: “What?”

    Boyfriend: “She wants extra butter.”

    (Band-Mate #1 looks baffled as Band-Mate #2 is laughing.)

    Band-Mate #2: “You really need a girlfriend. You’ve lost your touch with the almost dead language of couples!”

    Compliments Are Alien To Him

    | AK, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’ve recently lost about 25 pounds and am trying on a dress that previously did not fit. I ask my husband if I look okay.)

    Husband: “You know when they introduce a new alien species on Star Trek? Your dress reminds me of something the alien women might wear.”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: “What? It’s a compliment! You look great!”

    Should Know When To Say No

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have just come home after a gathering for his family. Note our birthdays are only two days apart.)

    Me: “Sweetie, [Cousin] came and said it’s my fault you two can’t go on a trip this summer.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, it is. The only week I could go is our birthday week.”

    Me: “I know you don’t care about your birthday, but would you really want to be gone for mine?”

    Boyfriend: “…I’m going to guess you want me to say no.”

    Alive And Breathing

    | Northern Ireland, UK | Engaged

    Alive And Breathing


    Northern Ireland, UK

    (My fiancé and I are talking randomly. It should be noted that according to my fiancé I ‘snore like a walrus.’)

    Fiancé: “Sometimes when you’re sleeping and not snoring, I check to see if you’re still alive.”

    Me: *hysterically laughing* “I don’t know whether that’s a sweet or a dicky thing to say.”

    Fiancé: “At least it shows I care!”

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