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  • This Future Time It Worked
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  • Hasn’t Got The Feel Of It Yet

    | Plano, TX, USA | Dating, Young Love

    (When my boyfriend tells me he loves me for the first time, I say I feel it but aren’t ready to say it. Two weeks later, he cooks taco stew for me, and is egging me on.)

    Boyfriend: “See? You went for seconds. You love it!”

    Me: “It’s all right.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh come on. You love it! Just say it. You love it. You love it so much.”

    Me: “I think I might feel it, but I’m not ready to say it.”

    (He didn’t find that as funny as I did.)

    Limp Humor Versus Dry Humor

    | IL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are attending different colleges two hours apart, so we text constantly and habitually put sexual twists on innocent sentences. We also have really cheesy humor. One night I make some pad thai.)

    Me: “I thought about it after I asked and realized I wanted to finish my noodles while they’re hot.”

    Boyfriend: “Your noodles are always hot, babe!”

    Me: “What?”

    Boyfriend: “You know what I’m talking about!” *checks you out from head to toes to head* “Mmhmmm!”

    Me: “You callin’ me limp and wiggly?!”

    Boyfriend: “Only when you’re hot and wet!”

    Me: “Ha! I knew you’d come up with something good.”

    Boyfriend: “I almost went the other direction but dry and rigid just didn’t seem fun or anything like you…”

    Back To Black Chocolate

    | WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am IMing my wife while we’re at work.)

    Wife: “I just got a rehab commercial on Pandora.”

    Me: “Chocolate rehab?”

    Wife: “Haha.”

    Me: “They tried to send me back to rehab, I said nooom, nom, nom!”

    Must Have Eaten Some Magic Sausages

    | Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are in bed. I’m sleepy and my thoughts are going in weird directions.)

    Me: “Would you still love me if I was a sausage?”

    Husband: “You’re not a sausage.”

    Me: “But what if I was?”

    Husband: “You couldn’t talk.”

    Me: “What if I was a magic sausage?”

    Husband: “There are no magic sausages.”

    Me: “I’d be special. The first magic sausage in the world!”

    Husband: “Magic sausages can’t get married.”

    Me: “Oh… I guess I can’t be a magic sausage.”

    Husband: “That’s right.”

    Me: “So… Would you still love me if I was made of beans?”

    Approaching A Single Serving Of Singleness

    | FL, USA | Dating

    (I’m enjoying a new jar of queso salsa with chips while browsing the internet. My boyfriend comes over and tries to steal some.)

    Me: “No. My queso.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s a whole jar!”

    Me: “So? I’m a whole [My Name]. Just because you have a whole [My Name], does that mean others can share me?”

    Boyfriend: “No.”

    Me: “Exactly… I’m just kidding. You can have some.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh. I was going to make a joke about serving size. A whole jar is not the same as a single [My Name]. Actually, a single [My Name] doesn’t exist.”

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