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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 12

    | Avon, NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are lying in bed and I have been making zerbert/raspberry ‘fart’ noises on his neck. We have only been married a couple of weeks. After a few minutes of being silly, I am ready to get up and be productive.)

    Me: “Okay, honey, time to get up. Can I ‘fart’ on you one more time?”

    Husband: “No, let’s fart together! It will be more romantic.” *grabs me and pulls me on top of him*

    (He has not been doing zerberts/raspberries on me, so I am momentarily confused. Then, he lets a real one rip.)

    Me: *too stunned to do anything* “What was that?”

    Husband: “A fart. Did I do it too soon?”

    Me: *starts laughing*

    Husband: *confused* “What?”

    Me: “Did you just real fart?”

    Husband: *catching on* “Oh… you didn’t mean that?”

    Me: *still laughing* “No! I meant the raspberry farts I was doing on your neck!”

    Husband: “…oh.” *a little embarrassed* “I thought it’d be romantic.”

    Me: “To fart together? You saved all you weird for when we got married, didn’t you?”

    Husband: *dejected* “I still think it would’ve been romantic…”

    Related:
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 11
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 10
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 9

    Buns Of Atheism

    | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | Dating

    (We’re getting ready for a cosplay convention. My boyfriend has put his hand on my butt.)

    Boyfriend: “I’m touching your butt.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Boyfriend: “God is real.”

    Me: “No, he’s not.”

    Boyfriend: “Then how do you explain this?”

    Me: “Poor judgment?”

    Not The Best Pee-sition

    | BC, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend normally dislikes being overly affectionate, even when we’re alone. We are in the middle of sex when he stops suddenly.)

    Me: “What is it?”

    Boyfriend: “I’m sorry. I really need to pee.”

    Me: *a little disappointed* “Oh, okay.”

    Boyfriend: *with sudden tenderness* “Don’t worry; I’ll hold it for you!”

    Me: “No! Go pee!”

    Not In A Rush To Have Another One

    | St Paul, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’ve just had a baby the day before, and I’m about to take my first post-birthing shower.)

    Me: “I’m hitting the showers. Yell in if the baby wakes up.”

    Partner: “You need any help? I can scrub your back…”

    Me: *stares at him a moment* “Was that really a come on? Right now? I am the least sexy person on the planet right now!”

    Partner: *looks square at me and speaks deadly seriously* “You are not Rush Limbaugh.”

    (I think I’ll keep him for more than making cute babies.)

    Lucky In Love Outweighs All Others

    | Israel | Dating

    (My girlfriend has just beaten me at a card game again, which I have introduced her to.)

    Me: “I never win at anything anymore.”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, you do!”

    Me: “What was the last thing I won at?”

    Girlfriend: “You got the best girlfriend!”


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