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    Has A Double Dozen Problems With Her Math Skills

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Dating

    (I’m with my friend and his girlfriend talking about my upcoming birthday.)

    Friend: “Wow, you’re going to be two decades old tomorrow.”

    His Girlfriend: “Whoa. You’re going to be 24?!”

    Friend: “No, you’re counting in donuts.”

    When Exes Butt In

    | LA, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (I’m having a small argument with my ex-girlfriend, who is also my best friend. Eventually things settle down, and we start joking with each other.)

    Me: “You butt.”

    Ex: “You love me, though, and therefore you love butt.”

    Me: “Well, it has been determined that [Current Boyfriend] is, in fact, the biggest butt, so yeah.”

    Ex: “As long as you aren’t denying your butt love.”

    Me: “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

    Cheating Them Out Of A Decent Fight

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My partner and I are very honest and trust each other. Neither of us are the jealous types, but we have fun pretending to be one.)

    Partner: *texting someone*

    Me: “I don’t understand people who have to regularly check their partner’s phones.”

    Partner: “For what?”

    Me: “Evidence of cheating.”

    Partner: “That’s ridiculous.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Who are you cheating on me with?!” *grabs his phone and checks his texts*

    Partner: “Oh yeah?!” *he takes my phone and checks my chatting app*

    (After about a minute of checking his phone, I throw his phone back to him.)

    Me: “All I learned was that you’re cheating on me with me.”

    Partner: *throws my phone back at me* “Yeah, this really is ridiculous.”

    A Very Picky Partner

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are leaving a restaurant. I stop at the curb, and yell “CURB TOLL.” He knows that if I do this that I want a kiss.)

    Boyfriend: *hands the doggy bag to me and tries to pick me up, which he knows I hate*

    Me: “No, no, no! I don’t want to be picked up!”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I’m sorry, but this is the only way I know how. I’m no good at pickup lines.”

    Kissing Your Life Goodbye

    | Banner Elk, NC, USA | Dating, Young Love

    (My new boyfriend and I have gone on a ski trip with a bunch of my extended family, including several small children. After seeing my boyfriend give me a quick kiss, this exchange happens.)

    Four-Year-Old Kid: “Are you gonna marry [Boyfriend]?”

    Me: “Um… I don’t know.”

    Four-Year-Old Kid: “But he kissed you!”

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