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    Drunk On Love

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is usually a very quiet, reserved person, but alcohol changes that completely. He becomes very… talkative. He is at a work event where he knows he is going to be drinking, so I plan to pick him up from it. He is a bit tipsy and silly when I pick him up.)

    Husband: “That was a fun event.”

    Me: “I’m glad! You are a little drunk though. Did you eat already?”

    Husband: “PSSHHHH! I’m not DRUNK drunk. Just a LITTLE drunk drunk.”

    Me: *laughing* “Whatever. Do you want to pick something up on the way home or do you want to go home?”

    Husband: “Oh, oh… I could do… a Starbucks.”

    (He only orders one thing from Starbucks, so I knew what he meant. I go there and get out.)

    Me: “Okay, [Husband], wait here and I’ll bring it to you.”

    Husband: “Mmmmk.”

    (I go in and order his drink and something for myself. My husband then walks in and stands too close to me. At this point, you can’t really tell that he’s tipsy unless he opens his mouth.)

    Husband: *whispering loudly to me* “Do you think the cashier can tell?”

    Me: “Tell what?”

    Husband: “You knowww. That I’m druuuunk.”

    (The cashier looks at me. She can hear everything he is saying because of course she could. I shake my head.)

    Me: “No, she can’t. Go to the car.”

    Husband: “But you’re so hot.”

    Me: *getting embarrassed* “That’s great, honey. Go to the car.”

    Husband: “Like, sooo hot. If I was an artist… I would paint you on… a mural… wall. On a wall. With paint… for murals.”

    (The cashier tries to not laugh.)

    Me: “Thank you… Time to go to the car.”

    Husband: “I’m so luuuucky.”

    Me: “Yes, you are. Car. Go to it.”

    Husband: *hugging me* “Mmmmm, you smell nice. I’m lucky you smell nice.”

    Me: “Let’s pick this up at home, okay?”

    (My husband tries to wink, but he’s tipsy, so he just blinks at me weirdly. He then turns around and walks out and goes back to the car.)

    Me: *to the cashier* “I am so incredibly sorry.”

    Cashier: *laughing* “Don’t worry about it, ma’am. I think that’s kind of sweet.”

    For The Love Of Mexican Food

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch watching videos on his laptop. We were going to heat up some burritos for dinner but have been putting it off. I’m starting to feel very hungry.)

    Me: *softly* “Burritos.”

    Boyfriend: “I love you, too.”

    Me: *stares at him for a few seconds before I burst out in laughter*

    Boyfriend: *very confused* “What did I say?”

    Upgraded From Girlfriend To Wife

    | England, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (The Saturday of our wedding. I’m making the groom’s speech. I throw in an adlib.)

    Me: “It’s traditional to praise your wife, and say how lovely she looks, however when I saw [Wife] at the altar I thought ‘bloody h***, they’ve sent the upgrade!’”

    (This is followed by much laughter. The following Tuesday, my new wife turns to me, looking confused.)

    Wife: “What do you mean ‘they sent the upgrade’?”

    About To Be Some April Showers

    | Newark, DE, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are talking wedding plans and trying to coordinate a date that our families can get together to talk costs and plans, and I’ve just gotten off the phone with my dad. To help save costs we’re doing as much of it as possible ourselves and taking advantage of his family’s abilities and careers, such as my mother-in-law as my wedding planner.)

    Me: “So, they know it’s April 11th now.” *looks over to my fiancé, seeing him looking horrified* “What’s wrong?”

    Fiancé: “You said it’s in April?”

    Me: “Yeah, we figured that out a while ago, remember?”

    Fiancé: “I told my mom it was in June.”

    Me: “Why did you tell her June? We talked about this not even ten minutes ago.”

    Fiancé: *panicking* “I don’t know!”

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 8

    | MI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing a zombie arcade shooter together. We are both out of ammo, and he dies and zombifies. He will respawn at the next trader.)

    Me: “You better not bite me, or we’re going to have to have a talk when you’re alive again.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay, can I settle for a kiss?”

    (I grinned and we kissed.)

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 7
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 6
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 5

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