• Time To Step Up
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Needs To Retire That Attitude

    | MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My dad is 60. He likes to joke to my mom that he would be able to pick up all of the old ladies in retirement homes.)

    Dad: “There are certain places in Florida where I would be a hot commodity.”

    A Hot Solution

    | Halethorpe, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s a cold, gray, rainy morning, perfect for lying in bed and cuddling all day. Needless to say, I really don’t want my husband to get up and get ready for work. After breakfast, this happens.)

    Me: *touching his face and arms* “Sweetie, you’re cold.”

    Husband: “Cold?”

    Me: “You’re practically hypothermic. There’s only one solution. Quick, take all your clothes off and jump back in bed with me.”

    Husband: “You know this didn’t work last time, right?”

    Me: “You can’t blame me for trying.”

    (He went to work.)

    Playing The (Casse)Role Of Husband

    | Sweden | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have just come home from work. We are not married, but have been living together for two years now. I usually cook, and he does dishes.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll start on the dinner now since it will take a bit longer.”

    Boyfriend: “What are we having?”

    Me: “I thought I’d make some sort of spinach pasta casserole. You said you wanted a casserole!”

    Boyfriend: “I did? When? I don’t even know what a casserole is! What is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure either… but I think it can be pretty much anything that is finished up in the oven. And why did you ask for it if you didn’t know what it was?”

    Boyfriend:Um…” *pause* “I just thought that would be something a good husband would say…”

    Wishful Stinking

    | MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am getting ready for work one morning when I let out a small toot. Apparently my husband hears it, because the next thing I hear is this.)

    Husband: *gasps* “You hear that, Kitty? Make a wish!”

    You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (I work as a security guard at a scale house for a rail yard. It’s Saturday afternoon and things are slow. My cell phone rings; it’s my girlfriend calling from her mom’s house.)

    Girlfriend: “Hi, baby.”

    Me: “Hey, baby…”

    Girlfriend: “I wanted to know if you could do me a favor?”

    Me: “Yeah, what’s up?”

    Girlfriend: “You always get up at 5:55 am for work so could you text me if it’s light outside? The clocks go back an hour tonight…”

    Me: *trying to process how dumb this sounds* “Can’t you just look outside?”

    Girlfriend: “No, because I’m going to be asleep…”

    Me: “If you’re going to be asleep then why do you care?”

    Girlfriend: “Because if it’s light out my step-dad can see the pedals and can drive me home tomorrow.”

    Me: “You just said you’re going to be asleep, though, so how is it going to matter? Besides our phones will tell us if it’s light outside…”

    Girlfriend: “I’m just asking if you could check and text me… Ok, I’ll just set an alarm to wake me up so I can check.”

    Me: “There ya go! Any chance your mom is there?”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Put her on for a second.”

    Mom: “Yeah?”

    Me: “What the h*** is wrong with [Girlfriend]?”

    Mom: *laughs* “I don’t know…”

    Me: “Can you let her know they invented something called a window?”

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