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    Maleficent And 101 Dalmatians

    | OH, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I live together. He can be a bit kooky sometimes. I have just come home from work.)

    Boyfriend: “How was your day?”

    Me: “It was all right. My boss was in a really good mood because he just found out his dog is pregnant.”

    Boyfriend: “Wow, that’s great news!”

    Me: “Yeah, he really loves animals.”

    Boyfriend: “That reminds me. I was thinking this weekend we could go see Maleficent in theaters.”

    Me: “My… boss’s pregnant dog reminds you of Maleficent?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

    (Long pause.)

    Me: “So, where is it showing?”

    The Language Of Lazy Love

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (I have the day off, and my fiancée is just about to go back to work after her lunch break. As she gets ready, I look at her and move my arms in a silent gesture of ‘hug me, please.’ She rolls her eyes and walks over to hug me.)

    Fiancée: “Use your words, hon.”

    Me: “I don’t have to! You knew exactly what I meant!”

    Make You The Head Of My Estate

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in the shower. He’s a foot taller than I am, and he’s shampooing my hair.)

    Boyfriend: “You know, you have the perfect head. Like, your skull.”

    Me: “Uh… thanks?”

    Boyfriend: “No, really. It’s just the right shape. I just wanna…” *snuggles my


    Me: “I’ll leave it to you in my will.”

    Boyfriend: “Yes!”

    Will Face A Storm When He Gets Home

    | The Netherlands | Dating

    (It’s morning, my boyfriend and I are at my home, getting ready for work.)

    Me: *looking at weather app on tablet* “Oooh! It’s going to be so hot out today!”

    Boyfriend: “Indeed it is!”

    (We drive to the company where we both work, with my folding bike in the back seat, so we can both go our ways at the end of the day, he by car and I by bike. An hour later…)

    Me: “Wow, this weather site announces huge rainfall and chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon! And I have no coat with me!”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I knew.”

    Me: “You knew, but didn’t tell me?”

    Boyfriend: “Uhm…”

    Not Trying To Dance Around The Issue

    | Grande Prairie, AB, Canada |

    (I’m at the bar with one of my girl friends. We are sitting at a booth, waiting for the rest of our group to arrive. There has been a guy a few tables down eyeing us up and after a while he approaches.)

    Man: *sitting next to me in my booth and trying to put his arm around me* “Hey, wanna dance?”

    Me: “No, thank you. We’re just waiting for some friends to arrive right now. And I’m not much of a dancer.”

    Man: *suddenly angry* “All you f****** women are like this! All I want is a dance with you and you just shoot me down! I’m a nice guy! I deserve a chance!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Uh, well sorry. Like I said, I’m waiting for some more friends to arrive and I don’t dance. It really wasn’t anything to do with you.”

    Man: “If you’re going to f****** lie and make up f****** excuses you could at least make them believable!”

    (As if on cue, at this point the rest of the group shows up. As he’s taking up a couple seats in the booth, a couple of my friends are waiting for him to leave before they can sit down.)

    Me: “Look, my friends are here. Can you please leave me alone now and get out of our booth so they can sit down?”

    Man: “Oh… Well, I guess you weren’t being a lying b****. Can I buy you a drink?”

    Friends: “Get lost, buddy!”

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