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    One Is Tardier Than The Other

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Engaged

    (I’m boarding a plane tomorrow that will take me a thousand miles away from my fiancé for four months for an internship. We don’t know if we’ll get to see each other until the end of it. We’re both absurdly emotional today and know it’ll just be worse tomorrow. Today’s our last full day together, so we’re spending it just the two of us.)

    Fiancé: “My brain keeps going through crazy scenarios.”

    Me: “Like what?”

    Fiancé: “Like if we stay home today, this day won’t happen and we can spend the day together tomorrow and then the next day you’ll be on the plane.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, time doesn’t work that way, honey.”

    Fiancé: “I know… darn it, where’s my TARDIS or my DeLorean?”

    Me: *laughs*

    Fiancé: “Or better yet, I’ll build a TARDeLorean!”

    Couldn’t Get Away With That During The Puppy Love Stage

    | MA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are texting. We both send a message at the exact same time.)

    Me: “D*** it. I want you right now.”

    Husband: “Whoa [the dog] just s***-sploded behind the shed.”

    Husband: “LMAO. So sorry.”

    Til Undeath Do Us Part, Part 47

    | Portland, OR, USA | Dating

    (I’m sitting on the couch on my laptop reading the April Fools zombie stories while my boyfriend is playing some zombie shooter game when I decide to ask the zombie question.)

    Me: “What would you do if I turned into into a zombie?”

    Boyfriend: “Is there any hope for a cure?”

    Me: “No.”

    Boyfriend: “Move”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Boyfriend: “If you were a zombie and there was no way to save you, I would immediately move to another state. I couldn’t bear to shoot you and I couldn’t risk keeping you chained up because what if you escaped and bit me? So I would move far away where I’d never have to choose between shooting you and being bitten because I want at least one person to stay alive to remember who you are right now: an amazing girl who I am very lucky to have.”

    Me: “…”

    Boyfriend: *pauses game and looks at me, grinning* “So, did I give the right answer?”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 46
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 45
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 44

    Do I Need To Show Up?


    Bad Date

    These Boots Are Getting The Boot

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend recently got me a pair of boots that have buckles and laces to adjust their fit, but use a zipper to actually get them on/off.)

    Me: “GAAAHH!”

    Girlfriend: “What?”

    Me: “I keep forgetting about this d*** zipper and untying my laces instead! Then I have to re-adjust them all over again!”

    Girlfriend: “Why don’t you double-knot them?”

    Me: “I hate double-knotting laces; they’re impossible to untie!”

    Girlfriend: “I thought that was the point?”

    Me: “Shut up…” *double-knots laces*

    (Some days/weeks later…)

    Me: “AAARGH!

    Girlfriend: “What?”

    Me: “I UNTIED MY F****** LACES AGAIN!”

    Girlfriend: “Why don’t you just double-knot them?”

    Me: “I DID! I UNTIED THEM ANYWAY!” *frustrated grumbling as I re-tie them yet again*


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