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    Marriage Is Rock Solid

    | Estonia | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m getting a ride from a married couple I know, with the wife driving and husband giving directions. At one point it becomes clear that we’re going in the wrong direction.)

    Wife: “Why did you give us wrong directions, [Husband]?”

    Husband: “Well, why did you trust my directions? We’ve been married for 30 years. You should know by now that I’m dumb as a rock!”

    Hulk Smash Social Barriers

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Dating

    (One night I’m going through my newsfeed when I find an article about a movie called  ’The Normal Heart.’)

    Me: “This one looks really good. And the cast. Oh, my god!”

    Boyfriend: “What’s it about?”

    Me: “I think it’s about this gay couple during the AIDS epidemic. I bet it will make me cry. It has Matt Bomer in it. And that guy who plays the Hulk in The Avengers.”

    (At this point my boyfriend is snuggling close and starting to kiss my neck while we talk.)

    Boyfriend: “Mmm, so the Hulk is gay?”

    Me: “He is for Matt Bomer… Dang, that would be hot to see.”

    (We are just about to get down and dirty when…)

    Boyfriend: “Hmm, it’s funny how a conversation about gay sex and the Hulk brought us to here.”

    Ended With A Single Punchline

    | PA, USA |

    (My boyfriend, at the very beginning of our relationship, used to tell a lot of sexist jokes. It was entirely harmless, of course, because as a generally stoic and emotionless person, he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. One day, quite by accident, I finally figured out a way to get him to stop.)

    Boyfriend: “Hey, why don’t women ever use umbrellas?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Why?”

    Boyfriend: “Because it never rains in the kitchen!”

    (I give an exasperated sigh, which encourages him to start telling another one.)

    Boyfriend: “What do you call—”

    Me: “I’ve got one.”

    Boyfriend: “Really?”

    Me: “Yeah. What do you call a guy who tells a lot of sexist jokes?”

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “I don’t know, what?”

    Me: “Single.”

    A Universal Truth

    | Scotland, UK | Engaged

    (I’m trying to talk to my fiancé while he is squeezing my breasts. I’m getting frustrated.)

    Me: “My boobs aren’t the meaning of life, you know.”

    Fiancé: “No, They are the meaning of the universe!”

    Sweating Over A Cake

    | Norwalk, CT, USA | Dating

    (I have just come home from the gym after a very intense spinning class. It’s late and I want to get started on baking a cake I need for the next day, so I postpone my shower – but make sure my hands/forearms are squeaky clean, of course!)

    Me: *humming/singing to myself as I prepare the batter from scratch* “La-la-la-la”

    (I call out to my boyfriend in the other room.)

    Me: “Hey, look at me! I’m Betty Crocker!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, really?! Do you have an apron on and everything?”

    Me: “Does big, sweaty underwear count?”

    Boyfriend: “Sure!”

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