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  • Having Trouble Exorcizing The Ex
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  • Brewing Friendships

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Theme Of The Month

    (My girlfriend, friend, and I, are working at a beer tasting event for free tickets. We have to pour beer for people. For some reason all the tasters think I am awesome.)

    Taster #1: “Dude, you actually know your stuff. I’m going to tell everyone to come here!”

    Me: “Right on, man!”

    Taster #2: “Seriously you are awesome. Here’s my number!”

    Me: “Oh! Thanks!”

    (The taster winks and walks away.)

    Girlfriend: “Did that guy just give you his number?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Girlfriend: “Seriously? All I’ve gotten is drunk guys staring at my boobs!”

    Me: “I also got a tip, free onion rings, another number, and those group of dudes are chanting my name all through the hall.”

    Girlfriend: “I seriously have no idea how you do it.”

    Friend: “Honestly, nothing is ever normal went it comes to him.”

    Me: “I think it’s confidence, or I’m just adorable.”

    (In the end, I never did call that guy, but I did get more tips and a drunk girl called me a teddy bear.)

    One Ring To Ruin Them All, Part 2

    | AL, USA | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month, Young Love

    (My best friend and I are discussing some last minute details for his wedding happening in a week. As his best man, I’ve been trying to help him out; he is rather clueless about anything wedding related.)

    Me: “Just one quick question: do you want me to hold on to [fiancée]‘s wedding ring until the wedding, or will you remember to bring it on Saturday?”

    Friend: “Um, [fiancée] already has it. I guess you would take it from her before the ceremony begins.”

    Me: “You already gave her the wedding ring? Dude, you’re supposed to wait until the wedding to give that to her!”

    Friend: “Well, what else was I supposed to propose to her with? Besides, she loves that thing; she hardly takes it off.”

    Me: “Wait… the ring that she is wearing right now, the one that you proposed to her with, the one with the stone in it; that is her engagement ring. I’m talking about the ring you’re going to give her at the wedding, the ring she wears in addition to her engagement ring.”

    Friend: “Holy s***, you mean I have to buy her two rings?!”

    (Instead of a bachelor party, me and the fellow groomsmen take him to a local jeweler, and each pitch in to buy a wedding band for his bride-to-be.)

    One Ring To Ruin Them All

    Getting A Sinking Feeling

    | Buffalo, NA, USA |

    (My girlfriend and I are on the couch, with her sitting on my lap. She’s complaining about her weight. I am also an avid Titanic enthusiast, and she knows it.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m huge!”

    Me: “No, you are not.”

    Girlfriend: “I know I’m not, but I am! I’m like a boat.”

    Me: “I’d love you even if you were a boat.”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, but I’m a really big boat. I’m like the Titanic!”

    (I smile.)

    Girlfriend: “Crap.”

    (She tries to get away but I snuggle her.)

    Me: “Nope, you said you were the Titanic; you fell for the trap!”

    Girlfriend: “Nooo!”

    Me: “Yes! I am your iceberg; accept my loooove!”

    A Quote To Remember

    | Provo, UT, USA | Proposals

    (My boyfriend is the type of guy that will pretty much only watch cartoons and animated movies, and is uninterested in love stories.)

    Boyfriend: “So, what’s your favorite movie?”

    (I NEVER tell people my favorite movie, so I decide to quote it instead. I figure he will never guess it.)

    Me: “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

    Boyfriend: “So, A Walk to Remember?”

    (I just stare at him.)

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “Marry me?”

    Badge Of Dishonor

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Dating

    (We’re sitting in my boyfriend’s kitchen. It is the morning after spending a night together; we are laughing about how some of my friends think he’s using me.)

    Me: “What are you using me for? Is it for sex? I’m pretty sure I’m using you for the same thing.”

    Boyfriend: “I don’t know; I think you’re the aggressor.”

    Me: “I really am far hornier than you are.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s like you’re the huntress, and I’m the prey!”

    Me: “I feel like I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. I’m actually kind of proud.”

    Boyfriend: “You should be. Own it! Wear it like a badge of honor. It’s hot; you’re hot; wanna do it?”

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