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    On The Horn(y) Of A Dilemma, Part 2

    | Czech Republic | Dating

    (I’m looking through the window. My boyfriend is lying on the bed.)

    Boyfriend: “Come to me.”

    Me: “But I don’t want to have sex with you now.”

    Boyfriend: “Why not?”

    Me: “We have steak in the kitchen.”

    Related:
    On The Horn(y) Of A Dilemma

    Never Say Nether

    | Bath, England, UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend is lying with his head in my lap as we watch a movie. He pulls the duvet up to his shoulders, so only his head is out of the covers.)

    Me: “Ha! You look like you’re coming out of my vagina.”

    Boyfriend: “Hello from the nether regions.”

    Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has an uncannily accurate impersonation of Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and will often use it. Most people are a little weirded out by this, but I love it. I’ve just gotten home from his house. As it is rather late and I am tired, I send him a courtesy text to let him know I have made it back safely.)

    Me: “We gots home, precious. Yes, we did!”

    Boyfriend: “Yessssssssss! Precious is safe!”

    Me: “And this is why we’re together.”

    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 30

    | IL, USA | Dating, Zombies

    (Lying in bed after watching a zombie movie with my boyfriend I decide to ask him the question.)

    Me: “What would you do if I were bitten by a zombie?”

    Boyfriend: *without missing a beat* “Become a necrophiliac.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 29
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 28
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 27
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 26
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 25

    Love Is A Battlefield

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (I am preparing food in the kitchen, while my girlfriend is on the computer. I pass by her.)

    Me: “I love you.”

    Girlfriend: “I love you more.”

    Me: “Love isn’t a competition, sweetie.”

    Girlfriend: “Yes, it is. I’m winning.”

    Me: “You know, it wouldn’t actually be a good thing if you loved me a lot more than I loved you, or vice versa. It isn’t healthy for a relationship to be unbalanced like that.”

    Girlfriend: “That sounds like loser talk to me!”


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