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    Love’s Precious Moments

    | Sterling, NY, USA | Dating, Top

    (My boyfriend and I have just returned from a Renaissance Festival. We are both huge geeks and immensely proud of it. When we get back, I get down on one knee, and take out a black ring box.)

    Boyfriend: “Uh…” *stares blankly*

    Me: “It’s not what you think.”

    Boyfriend: “O…kay…”

    Me: *opens ring box* “Will you…” *tears up* “Will you take this ring to Mordor, and throw it into the fires of Mount Doom?”

    (He cracks up hysterically. I had won a Lord of the Rings replica of the One Ring at the Faire.)

    Dr. Evil And Son

    | TX, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (While on the phone with a friend, my boyfriend ends up talking to his friend’s three year old son.)

    Boyfriend: *in a fake German super-villain-sequence accent* “Well, hello little one! Soon your father’s evil plans will be complete. And then you will be prepared to rule the world!” *finishes phone call and says bye to his friend*

    Me: “Are you going to talk to our kids like that?”

    Boyfriend: “Duh! F*** yes!”

    Me: “Excellent!”

    Hope He Never Goes To Arkansas

    | LA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is talking about people and places.)

    Me: “Where did you say they were?”

    Husband: “Kentuckit.”

    Me: “Kentuckit? Where’s that?”

    Husband: “Some town, I think. Kentuckit.”

    Me: “Kentuckit. Do you mean Kentucky?”

    Husband: “No, Kentuckit. C-O-N…” *holds hands up like a triangle*

    Me: “Connecticut?”

    *pause*

    Husband: “Shut up.”

    Queens Vs The Stone Age

    | MD, USA | Dating, LGBTQ

    (I am a gay man. I have just been driven home by the guy I am dating. We’re both feminine in our own ways, but I act a tad girlier than he does. We’re talking about various things in his car when I bring up his parents, who don’t know he’s gay.)

    Me: “So, do you think either of your parents know you’re gay?”

    Him: “I think my mother is suspicious about it. She is still saying that I ‘need to find a nice girl’.”

    Me: *playfully running my finger down his arm* “I think you already found a nice girl.”

    Pun-der The Sea

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are out celebrating my birthday at an Italian restaurant. I like seafood, but he doesn’t. I order the seafood linguine, and the following exchange occurs as we are eating.)

    Me: “Sorry if I have shellfish breath after this.”

    Him: “It’d be shellfish of me not to let you enjoy your pasta!”

    Me: “Ugh. It was shellfish of you to make that pun.”

    Him: “You’re getting a little crabby there.”

    Me: “Oh man, I don’t know if I can mussel up a retort to that.”

    Him: “I sea that I’ve won this argument, then.”

    Me: “Yup. You’ve left me floundering.”

    Him: “Ooh. That was o-fish-ally the best pun I’ve ever heard. Does that mean we’re fin-ished with these jokes yet?”

    Me: “Yeesh! Just clam up and let me eat.”


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