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    Sexy Minds Are Not Smart Minds

    | Rockhampton, QLD, Australia | Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My partner and I are lying in bed.)

    Me: “Hello, pretty face.”

    Partner: “Hello, sexy mind.”

    Me: “You have sexy mind, too. Let’s have mind sex!”

    (We begin banging our heads against each other.)

    Partner: “Ow!”

    Me: “WHY DID WE DO THAT?!”

    Spice Up Your Life

    | WI, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancée has just finished making dinner and enters the bedroom to get me.)

    Fiancée: “Dinner’s ready! But it turned out spicier than I thought it would. I didn’t put that much pepper in it.”

    Me: “Well, what else did you put in it?”

    Fiancée: “Um… I put in some chili powder.”

    Me: “Well, that might have something to do with it.”

    Fiancée: “But I didn’t use that much! And chili powder’s not hot!”

    Me: “Um… it comes from the chili pepper.”

    Fiancée: “But not all chilis are hot! I use chili powder all the time in my… um… turkey… stew… thing…”

    Me: “Do you mean your chili?”

    Fiancée: “Yes!”

    Me: “Did you seriously forget that the dish you use chili powder in is called chili?”

    Fiancée: “Yes!”

    Naked Math

    | TX, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My boyfriend and I are texting each other back and forth. I mention that I’m tired but I can’t go to bed yet because all of my pajamas are in the dryer and I don’t like sleeping naked when I’m by myself. We are both excruciatingly poor at the moment and running WAY out of gas, so we haven’t seen each other in over a week.)

    Boyfriend: “Don’t make me risk driving to [Town] and running out of gas to sleep next to you naked tonight.”

    Me: “Well, think about it. How many miles to the gallon does your car get?”

    Boyfriend: “Wait, are you trying to convince me?”

    Me: “I’m helping you through a thought process. Work with me here. What MPG does your car get?”

    Boyfriend: “20-23 on average.”

    Me: “Okay. So. When your gas light comes on, it usually means you have a gallon of gas left in your tank. So you should be able to make it 20 miles without running out of gas. From your house to mine is 18.3 miles, and takes about 20 minutes. Not to mention it’s after midnight so your paycheck may have gone through already. That being said, my laundry will probably finish before you get here anyway. I’ll be in bed asleep in my pajamas by the time you would get here. Plus, you have to turn around and go to work tomorrow morning. You would only get to spend about an hour of awake time with me. You have to decide. It takes a gallon of gas to get here, and a gallon to get back. Gas is about $3.50 right now. It may be higher in Lewisville; I don’t know. So it would be $7 and 40 minutes of your time to spend about an hour of awake time and sleep in my bed with me. And I probably wouldn’t even be naked.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m willing to chance it.”

    (Half an hour later he showed up at my door! He’s a keeper!)

    Last Minute Brown-Nosing

    | UK | Dating

    (I’m at work in the UK, and am currently on my break. My boyfriend has recently awoken in the USA. I’m despairing over the fact I have nothing to go with my new bag, for when I go over to see him.)

    Me: “I don’t want to go clothes shopping!! It takes aaaaages!”

    Boyfriend: “Don’t use that bag.”

    Me: “But it’s cuuuuuute.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s brown. Brown’s not cute. It’s boring.”

    Me: “Brown is soft! Like sepia prints!”

    Boyfriend: “I don’t like sepia.”

    Me: “Brown is warmth!! Like trees!”

    Boyfriend: “…”

    Me: “Set it on fire and it creates warmth?”

    Boyfriend: “I don’t like nature; and that was a really bad comparison.”

    Me: “Brown is warm and soft! WARM AND SOFT!”

    Boyfriend: “Poo is brown.”

    Me: “And that is warm and soft!! I never said brown was fragrant!”

    Boyfriend: “I’m laughing so hard right now! But brown is still not cute.”

    Me: “Also, my hair and eyes are brown, so you might want to rethink your position.”

    Boyfriend: “Brown is cute! Cute warm and soft! Hopefully it can also be fragrant, too!”

    In The Pub Right Next To It


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