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    Reminder: Long Distance Relationships Themed Giveaway

    | Not Always Romantic | Announcements, Long Distance, Theme Of The Month
    Want to win A Not Always Romantic t-shirt?
    Enter January’s Themed Story Giveaway: Long Distance Relationships!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about long distance relationships.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Romantic shop!

    PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, February 6!

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 9

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “I love you.”

    Husband: “I love you more.”

    Me: “…than?”

    Husband: *thinks for a moment* “Bacon. Bacon, wrapped in bacon, and stuffed with bacon.”

    Me: “What does it say about us that bacon is an acceptable unit of measure for love?”

    Husband: “It says we’re awesome.”

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 8
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 7
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

    Love, And Other Drugs, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Long Distance, Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband is deployed in Afghanistan. My appendix has ruptured, so I have been given powerful painkillers in the Emergency Room. My husband calls, and an ER tech who is sitting near my bed to monitor my breathing hands me my phone.)

    Me: “Lello?”

    Husband: “Hey sweetheart, did I wake you up?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. Hey [tech], was I asleep?”

    Tech: “Not asleep so much as knocked out.”

    Husband: “Who is that? Where the h*** are you?”

    Me: “That is [tech]. I am… somewhere. Not at home.”

    Husband: “Where is [daughter's name]?”

    Me: “The commies took her. You… you can come home now, Obama has his camels, we don’t need any more. They’re at the zoo. My tummy doesn’t hurt anymore, but I think they’re going to cut it anyway.”

    Husband: *yelling* “What is going on? Are you on drugs? Where is [daughter]?”

    Tech: “Can I talk for a minute? Hi, Mr [name]. This is [tech] at [hospital]. Your wife is okay, her appendix ruptured and she’s on some very powerful painkillers until we can get her into surgery. Your daughter is with your mother-in-law. Here’s your wife back.”

    Me: “Hey there. I’m feeling sleepy now. I think I’m gonna… Love you… Don’t get shot, okay?”

    Husband: “Okay, go to sleep.”

    (I found out later that he had gotten halfway to the commander’s tent to get an emergency flight back to the country because he thought I had been drugged and kidnapped. His commander had flowers sent to my hospital room with a note asking me to please not do that again.)

    Love, And Other Drugs

    Neck And Neck

    | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are laying in bed and he is being unusually sweet.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re so beautiful, I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”

    Me: “Not even a boat?”

    Boyfriend: “No.”

    Me: “What about a pet giraffe?”

    (There is a pause as he thinks.)

    Boyfriend: “Could I ride it?”

    The Speech Has A Nice Ring To It

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (While laying in bed with my husband and discussing having a birthday for him, he proceeds to imagine giving Bilbo’s Birthday speech.)

    Husband: “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

    Me: “That doesn’t work if you can’t disappear after.”

    Husband: “Doesn’t my wedding ring work?”

    Me: “No, because you’re wearing it right now and I can see you.”

    Husband: “That’s because you’re a Ringwraith.”


    Husband: “Now, Black Rider; on to your mount!”

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