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    I Could Do Karaoke In My Sleep

    | IA, USA | Dating

    (I am in a Skype call with my boyfriend when he decides to take a nap. I stay awake because I am trying to finish a paper. I am known to hum or sing while working.)

    Me: *starts humming ‘God Save the Queen’*

    (Suddenly my boyfriend who has been sleeping starts humming.)

    Me: “[Boyfriend], are you awake?”

    (I hear no response and I go back to my paper. I start humming a theme song from a

    TV show only to hear my boyfriend humming again.)

    Me: *joins a group message that all our friends are in* “Anyone have song suggestions? Because [Boyfriend] apparently sings in his sleep!”

    (After recording several songs he finally wakes up.)

    Me: “Good morning; did you sleep well?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, but I had a dream I was singing karaoke.”

    Happiness Doesn’t Get Blanket Coverage

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are getting ready for bed. We are each playing on a handheld game system. I accidentally drop my stylus off the bed and turn to reach for it, pulling the blankets with me.)

    Husband: *grumbling about the blankets* “Hey! You ruined my happy!”

    Me: “It’s okay. You’re not allowed to be happy. You’re married.”

    Love Is…

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    Laughing In The Face Of Everything

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I meet a girl through a friend, and said girl is putting up a serious fight with cancer that has invaded her spine and kidneys. Despite this horrific illness, she has a spectacular sense of humor, as well as a seemingly unbeatable spirit. One day, I go to go see the girl all by my lonesome while she is still in the hospital. We have an awesome two-hour conversation.)

    Me: “So, umm… I was, umm… well, I was wondering if, when you finally get out of here, if you’d want to… y’know… go on a date or something.”

    Girl: “Sure.”

    Me: “Really? Are you sure? Because I’ll understand—”

    Girl: “Shut up and give me your phone number.”

    (We exchange phone numbers, and then I await the news that she’s been set free from the hospital so we could go on our date. Unfortunately, three days after I visit her, the cancer kills her. I go to the funeral with my friend, and started talking to one of the girl’s close friends. I tell her all about my visit, how the girl and I had hit it off, how we’d exchanged numbers, and so on.)

    Me: “Her death… it was so unexpected. For the few times I’d talked to her, she always seemed like she was going to fight it and beat it, and she seemed fine three days ago.”

    Girl’s Friend: “Yeah. She was like that. And it just sucks that you guys couldn’t even go out on one date.”

    (We pause just long enough for my mouth/brain filter to shut off.)

    Me: “Y’know, she didn’t have to do all this. She could’ve just said no.”

    Girl’s Friend: *stares at me in astonishment for a moment, and then bursts out laughing* “She would have loved that!”

    Needs A Big Fat Orange Apology

    | OH, USA | Dating

    (I’m by no means overweight or fat, but I have a little tummy gut I’ve been trying to work on losing. I’m also wearing an orange shirt when this takes place.)

    Me: “I hate my tummy.”

    Boyfriend: “You look like a pumpkin!”

    Me: *playfully offended* “WHAT? Are you saying I’m fat?”

    Boyfriend: “No!”

    Me: “Then why did you say I look like a pumpkin?” *pouting cutely*

    Boyfriend: “It’s because you’re wearing that orange shirt!”

    Me: “Well, there are other orange things. Like, you could have said I look like a carrot, which are nice and slender… but noooo… you said pumpkin!”

    Boyfriend: “Okay, fine. You’re a carrot… A weirdly deformed carrot with a little growth on it.”

    Me: “What? You couldn’t just say carrot… I have to be a hideously deformed carrot?”

    Boyfriend: “I didn’t say you were hideous… You’re the prettiest deformed carrot I’ve ever seen.”


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