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    When The Cure Is Worse Than The Disease…

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have recently been diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer. The night this story takes place is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. Tomorrow is my first treatment of chemotherapy and radiation. It is also important to note that my wife is a veterinarian.)

    Wife: *hugs me* “Happy new year!”

    Me: *subdued* “Yeah…”

    Wife: “It will be a happy new year, because we’re going to get you fixed.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Wife: “No, not that way! I mean we’ll get you better. Better!”

    Keeping Her Secret, Keeping Her Safe

    | MI, USA | Dating

    (I am hanging out with my boyfriend and we are conversing about ‘The Hobbit.’ Both of us are huge Tolkien fans. We are in the hallway and see a group of my friends walking toward us. All of a sudden my boyfriend grabs me around the waist and starts pulling me down the hallway away from my friends.)

    Me: “What the h*** are you doing?”

    Boyfriend: “My precious. My precious. Must protect the precious. Mustn’t let the Hobbitses get the precious!”

    Me: “…and this is why I love you.”

    Making A Mountain Out Of The Proposal

    | Switzerland | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are hiking the Eiger Trail after a lot of sacrifices getting there in the first place. We have been together for 14 years and he is a bit of a commitment-phobe. I am not big on getting married, so the subject of marriage has never been discussed. We are both avid mountaineers and have been very excited for this hike, planning to climb the actual mountain next year. I want to sit down and enjoy the view but he insists on only stopping right at the base of the famous north face that we are both a bit obsessed about, and makes me climb on a boulder and rest. Then…)

    Boyfriend: “Maybe it is the altitude that is messing with my mind but…” *pulls out a plastic ring that had sealed a bag with food for the hike and a small bouquet of mountain flowers* “… would you make me the honor of being my wife?”

    Me: *speechless and then laughing hysterically* “Yes, but you better not have altitude sickness and not remember this tomorrow!”

    There Are Plenty More Fish In The Sea

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Dating

    (I go on a romantic trip to the museum with my boyfriend. We’re wandering around the creatures they have on display, when suddenly:)

    Boyfriend: “Babe, what even are these? I’ve never heard of.. ‘Bar-nah-clays’?”

    Me: “Honey, those are barnacles…”

    Boyfriend: “Oh.”

    Nice Chest, No Ifs, Some Butts

    | CT, USA | Dating

    (I’m dropping my boyfriend off home after a party. He’s really drunk. I don’t remember what he said, but he ended up calling me bro. It should also be noted that I have very large breasts.)

    Me: “Did you just call me bro?”

    Boyfriend: “…Yeah.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Boyfriend: “I dunno… Bro with a really nice… chest butt.”

    Me: “Chest butt?”

    Boyfriend: “The nicest chest butt.”

    Me: “…Chest butt? Really?”

    Boyfriend: “The best chest butt I’ve ever seen.”

    (The next morning I confronted him about this incident and he had no memory of it.)

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