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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Being The Butt Of Each Other’s Jokes

    | Broussard, LA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’ve been saying “Hey, guess what? I love your butt!” to my husband every day for over a week at the time of this story.)

    Husband: “Hey, guess what?”

    Me: “You love my butt?”

    Husband: *fake offended* “I don’t love just your butt!”

    (He sits next to me and grabs my feet.)

    Husband: “I love your toes… and I love your legs… and I love your shoulders…”

    (He names a few more body parts, touching each as he goes, and it ends with us hugging and cuddling in silence for a minute.)

    Me: “So, what were you gonna say?”

    Husband: “That I love your butt.”

    As Long As You Still Get Hot

    | Wales, UK | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

    (My family always hosts a bonfire party every year:)

    Mom: *looks at fire* “I thought it would be bigger.”

    Dad: “That’s what you’ve always said, honey.”

    Renovating Their Bedroom (Habits)

    , | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am the only female employee (but also the most knowledgeable) in the tool department. Over the past two weeks a middle aged couple has come in several times for help with a home improvement project. After our first interaction they were so impressed with me they would seek me out, ignoring other associates altogether. This was the third time I have seen them this week and they have waited patiently for 10 minutes while I finish up with another customer.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you two today? How’s the bathroom reno going?”

    Female Customer: “Oh, just great, thanks to you! We would be so behind if we hadn’t had your help!”

    Male Customer: “That’s right; you’re such a sweet girl. We wanted to ask you one last thing.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you need a recommendation for a plumber like we talked about?”

    (They look at each other and smile.)

    Female Customer: “Actually, it’s been so nice getting to know you we were wondering if you would be interested in joining us in the bedroom.”

    Me: *sure I misunderstood the request* “Um, you mean you’d like to make some improvements to your bedroom next?”

    Male Customer: *laughs* “No, dear. We’d like to have a threesome with you. Or a foursome if your partner would like to join us, as well.”

    (I stand there in complete stunned silence for a moment.)

    Female Customer: *to her husband* “I told you this was a bad idea. We’ve scared her half to death.” *to me* “I’m so sorry, dear. I hope this doesn’t change the way you see us. It’s just so difficult to find people you get along with and trust!”

    (At that point I just walked away, unable to think of any kind of response to such an inappropriate request. They left right away and I never saw them again, thank the stars!)

    Needs To Retire That Attitude

    | MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My dad is 60. He likes to joke to my mom that he would be able to pick up all of the old ladies in retirement homes.)

    Dad: “There are certain places in Florida where I would be a hot commodity.”

    A Hot Solution

    | Halethorpe, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s a cold, gray, rainy morning, perfect for lying in bed and cuddling all day. Needless to say, I really don’t want my husband to get up and get ready for work. After breakfast, this happens.)

    Me: *touching his face and arms* “Sweetie, you’re cold.”

    Husband: “Cold?”

    Me: “You’re practically hypothermic. There’s only one solution. Quick, take all your clothes off and jump back in bed with me.”

    Husband: “You know this didn’t work last time, right?”

    Me: “You can’t blame me for trying.”

    (He went to work.)

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