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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • Wine Of Future Past

    | TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am talking to my wife about supplies for dinner.)

    Me: “So, what do I need to get? Chicken, garlic, there’s wine in the fridge…”

    Wife: “No, there’s not.”

    Me: “The WAS wine in the fridge.”

    You Are My Squishy

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My best friend had just started dating a guy she had a crush on for weeks. They are often sickeningly sweet, although sometimes that can be one-sided. They are currently cuddling on the couch.)

    Her: “[Him], get off of me. You’re squishing me.”

    Him: *smiling* “But I wanna cuddle!” *gets closer*

    Her: “Get off!” *shoves with foot*

    Him: *struggles closer*

    (After fending him off, she finally gets him to the other side of the couch with her foot. She is holding him there with her leg fully extended as he strains toward her still. While being kicked in the chest repeatedly, he says this, completely sincerely:)

    Him: “[Her], you’re so beautiful!”

    (I quoted this story in my maid of honor speech at their wedding last summer. He’s still like this all the time!)

    Minging Is Merciless

    | Australia | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are long distance and are on the phone to each other late at night. She had fallen asleep an hour ago but I was still awake. She then starts sleep talking.)

    Girlfriend: “You’re good at minging.”

    Me: “Minging? What’s minging?”

    Girlfriend: “It’s a hair style, or when your hair changes colour when you graduate.”

    Me: “What?”

    Girlfriend: “I’ll show you next time I see you.”

    (I told her about it the next day and she remembered saying it and remembered it making complete sense to her at the time. She has no idea what she was thinking, though.)

    Goes From Pink, To White, To Very Red

    | Urbana, IL, USA | Dating

    (I am in a fairly new relationship. It bears noting that purple is my favorite color, and quite obviously so based on my choice in accessories and decor. Somehow, the topic of flowers comes up.)

    Me: “Oh, by the way, I’m allergic to some flowers.”

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “Yeah, I get migraines when I smell them. So if you ever want to get me flowers, stay away from hyacinth or those really big pink and white lilies.”

    Boyfriend: *slightly panicked look* “I was just planning on getting purplest bouquet I could find.”

    Me: “Yeah… you’re good.”

    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 12

    | Avon, NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are lying in bed and I have been making zerbert/raspberry ‘fart’ noises on his neck. We have only been married a couple of weeks. After a few minutes of being silly, I am ready to get up and be productive.)

    Me: “Okay, honey, time to get up. Can I ‘fart’ on you one more time?”

    Husband: “No, let’s fart together! It will be more romantic.” *grabs me and pulls me on top of him*

    (He has not been doing zerberts/raspberries on me, so I am momentarily confused. Then, he lets a real one rip.)

    Me: *too stunned to do anything* “What was that?”

    Husband: “A fart. Did I do it too soon?”

    Me: *starts laughing*

    Husband: *confused* “What?”

    Me: “Did you just real fart?”

    Husband: *catching on* “Oh… you didn’t mean that?”

    Me: *still laughing* “No! I meant the raspberry farts I was doing on your neck!”

    Husband: “…oh.” *a little embarrassed* “I thought it’d be romantic.”

    Me: “To fart together? You saved all you weird for when we got married, didn’t you?”

    Husband: *dejected* “I still think it would’ve been romantic…”

    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 11
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 10
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 9

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