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    Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

    | CT, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

    (My family is watching a romantic movie when I catch this conversation:)

    Mother: “Did my father tell you to take care of me when we got married?”

    Father: “Yup.”

    Mother: “Bull-s***! But that was a quick answer; you’re getting better at this romance thing.”

    Father: “I’m a work in progress!”

    Mother: “It’s like training a dog.”

    Father: “I think training a dog is easier.”

    Hot To Cold

    | USA | Dating

    (I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend. I think I have a slight fever.)

    Boyfriend: *climbs into bed beside me and wraps his arms around me* “Babe, you’re hot, but not in a good-looking way!”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    A Woman’s Terrible Secret

    | NC, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are getting ‘romantic’ in the bedroom, and he gets a little rough.)

    Me: “Be careful, there’s tear-able stuff in there.”

    (He looks at me strangely.)

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    (I start laughing.)

    Me: “Tear-able, not terrible!”

    (I couldn’t stop laughing for about five minutes.)

    It Can Take Years Off You

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband of three months and I are lying next to each other in bed, post intimacy.)

    Husband: *sighs* “We should get married.”

    Me: “Wait, what? Did I screw you so hard, you lost a year?”

    Husband: “…Maybe.”

    The Pursuit Of Happiness

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are taking a shower together. My favorite place to eat is [Restaurant] while my husband really doesn’t like it. I am quietly thinking when a song comes to mind that I sing.)

    Me: “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.”

    Husband: *clap, clap*

    Me: *with a smile* “If you’re happy and you know it, then kiss me!”

    Husband: *kiss, kiss*

    Me: *hopefully* “If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it—” *my husband grins* “—if you’re happy and you know it, take me to [Restaurant]!”

    (I wait with high hopes while my husband stands there glaring at me.)

    Husband: *with a grin* “If you’re happy and you want to go to [Restaurant], get on your knees!”

    (Neither of us were happy that night.)


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