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    A Nice Way To End It

    | WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Currently my husband is pretty sick. I’ve been playing nursemaid so he doesn’t have to exert himself. At the end of the day, as I’m going to bed, we have this conversation.)

    Husband: “Thank you so much for being nice to me today.”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: “No, you’re always nice! I mean, thanks so much for being nicer than usual.”

    Me: *glares at him sternly*

    Husband: “S***! I mean… uh… thanks for taking CARE of me! Taking care, not being nice. I… s***, just blame the fever, okay?”

    Me: *finally breaking out laughing* “Of course, honey. I’ll be nice that way.”

    Got To Hand Them To Him

    | Denmark | Marriage & Partners

    (The previous night I woke up at three am because my husband, who at that point was still at least half asleep, was… initiating things. Things progressed, we went back to sleep, and all was fine until this evening as we are getting ready for bed. He turns to me with a serious look:)

    Husband: “I’m really tired, and have a long day tomorrow, so tonight could you please keep your boobs out of my hands?”

    Me: “This is going on NotAlwaysRomatic!”

    The Appliance Of Fast Science

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancée and I do not eat at the big chain fast food restaurants, such as McDonald’s or Burger King. One evening, she is eating a burrito, which reminds me of a strange interest I’ve had for a while.)

    Me: “So, you know how I haven’t eaten at Taco Bell for almost five years?”

    Fiancée: “Yeah?”

    Me: “I know this sounds stupid, but hear me out. Ever since the breakfast menu’s come out…I’ve really, really wanted to try what’s on there.”

    Fiancée: “You know, I have been interested in trying the Dorito Locos Taco…”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’m talking about the breakfast menu. Like, they have sweet stuff.”

    Fiancée: “They do?!”

    (I nod. She pauses only for a moment before…)

    Fiancée: “If we write it all down, it’s science!”

    Cheating Before A Test You Can’t Cheat On

    | Elmhurst, IL, USA | Infidelity

    (My father is a college professor. While walking across campus on a nice spring day, he is walking behind two female students. He catches the following bit of conversation.)

    Student #1: “And now my boyfriend wants me to take a paternity test!”

    Student #2: “That shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

    Student #1: “Well…”

    Threatening His Own Eggs-istence

    | Brighton, England, UK | Dating

    (I am planning to make a ‘salade Nicoise’ the next day so I hard-boil some eggs and put them in the fridge. The next day I go to get them out and they’re not there. The only other person in the house is my boyfriend.)

    Me: “Do you know what happened to the eggs I boiled yesterday? They were in the door tray in the fridge.”

    Boyfriend: “Umm… The ones in the door tray?”

    Me: “Yeah, I boiled them for the salad today.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh… well, I went to make scrambled eggs this morning for breakfast but when I tried to crack one it was all hard and weird and the rest were the same. I figured they must have gone bad so I threw them away.”

    Me: “…”

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