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  • Homo-Non-Erectus

    | Germany | Dating

    (My boyfriend has recently found out that one of his coworkers is gay. One evening, we’re laying in bed, getting hot and heavy.)

    Boyfriend: *with his hands between my legs* “I wonder if gays are attracted to me.”

    Me: *incredulous stare* “Seriously?! NOW?!”

    (Needless to say, the mood was dead for a while after that …)

    Wine Of Future Past

    | TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am talking to my wife about supplies for dinner.)

    Me: “So, what do I need to get? Chicken, garlic, there’s wine in the fridge…”

    Wife: “No, there’s not.”

    Me: “The WAS wine in the fridge.”

    You Are My Squishy

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My best friend had just started dating a guy she had a crush on for weeks. They are often sickeningly sweet, although sometimes that can be one-sided. They are currently cuddling on the couch.)

    Her: “[Him], get off of me. You’re squishing me.”

    Him: *smiling* “But I wanna cuddle!” *gets closer*

    Her: “Get off!” *shoves with foot*

    Him: *struggles closer*

    (After fending him off, she finally gets him to the other side of the couch with her foot. She is holding him there with her leg fully extended as he strains toward her still. While being kicked in the chest repeatedly, he says this, completely sincerely:)

    Him: “[Her], you’re so beautiful!”

    (I quoted this story in my maid of honor speech at their wedding last summer. He’s still like this all the time!)

    Minging Is Merciless

    | Australia | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are long distance and are on the phone to each other late at night. She had fallen asleep an hour ago but I was still awake. She then starts sleep talking.)

    Girlfriend: “You’re good at minging.”

    Me: “Minging? What’s minging?”

    Girlfriend: “It’s a hair style, or when your hair changes colour when you graduate.”

    Me: “What?”

    Girlfriend: “I’ll show you next time I see you.”

    (I told her about it the next day and she remembered saying it and remembered it making complete sense to her at the time. She has no idea what she was thinking, though.)

    Goes From Pink, To White, To Very Red

    | Urbana, IL, USA | Dating

    (I am in a fairly new relationship. It bears noting that purple is my favorite color, and quite obviously so based on my choice in accessories and decor. Somehow, the topic of flowers comes up.)

    Me: “Oh, by the way, I’m allergic to some flowers.”

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “Yeah, I get migraines when I smell them. So if you ever want to get me flowers, stay away from hyacinth or those really big pink and white lilies.”

    Boyfriend: *slightly panicked look* “I was just planning on getting purplest bouquet I could find.”

    Me: “Yeah… you’re good.”

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