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    I’m Stupid When I’m Awake

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just finished making my partner breakfast in bed, when he is waking up. This conversation follows:)

    Partner: “Thanks. I didn’t get to sleep till three am.”

    Me: “How come?”

    Partner: “I kept hearing something clumping around in the kitchen.”

    Me: *worried* “Did you get up and see what it was?”

    Partner: *silence*

    Me: “So you think you heard someone in the kitchen and you didn’t investigate?!”

    Partner: “I wasn’t sure if I was asleep or awake at the time!”

    Me: “You literally just said you didn’t get to sleep because of the noises in the kitchen.”

    (The rest of the morning was spent checking that nothing was missing, and for anything that could’ve been responsible for the noises.)

    Happy Pizzaversary

    | Moss Point, MS, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s my third anniversary but I forget entirely about it until I get onto a social media site and see all of the anniversary posts. Surprised, I immediately text my husband.)

    Me: “Happy Anniversary!” *doesn’t think anything more about it until he calls on his lunch break*

    Husband: “Hey! Happy Anniversary! Three years, huh?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Husband: “Wanna get pizza for supper?”

    Me: “Yes! That sounds awesome.”

    Husband: “Great! I’ll pick it up on the way home.”

    (This is why I love my marriage!)

    Facing The Romance

    | IL, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé isn’t usually very romantic, although he is quite sentimental. It recently snowed and the light breeze was blowing snow off the taller buildings. He also likes ‘your face’ jokes.)

    Me: “It looks like it’s snowing in the sunshine.”

    Fiancé: “Your face is sunshine! Wait…”

    Me: “Did you… Did you just unintentionally say something romantic?”

    Fiancé: “… yes.”

    The Number One Spell

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is goofing off and randomly waves his hand around as though he is holding a wand. He pivots and points towards me, lifting his leg up in a weird move, and shouts:)

    Husband: “Swish and flick.”

    (The two of us proceed to burst out laughing. He then goes to the bathroom and I hear:)

    Husband: “Now swish and piss.”

    Time To Take A Maturity Test(es)

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just finished telling my husband about a comic I was reading that featured a tiny drawing of a penis.)

    Me: “Penis. Heh.” *giggling* “Peeeeniiiiiissss.”

    Husband: “Penis.”

    Me: “Hah, you said penis, too!” *laughing harder*

    Husband: “Vagina.”

    Me: “Yeah, that ones not as funny.”

    Husband: “Scrotum.”

    Me: *laughing again* “Testes.” *abruptly stops laughing* “Oh, my god, why do we always do this?”

    (The sad part? We actually do this every few months…)


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