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    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 13

    | Beckley, WV, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I had just gotten off work from a call center. It’s the middle of winter and I’ve got the heat roaring. We’re stopped at a red light and suddenly I smell this really bad odor. My husband is trying his hardest to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “What is that?”

    Husband: *between giggles* “Baby, I’m sorry,”

    (The light is still red when my eyes start to water and I start coughing. Between the smell and the heat making it worse, I start going into an asthma attack, rotating between coughing and wheezing. My husband realizing what’s happening starts looking for my inhaler and apologizing profusely even as he just starts dying he’s laughing so hard.)

    Husband: “I’m… I’m sorry! I feel horrible! But oh, my god, it’s just so freaking funny!”

    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 12
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 11
    Love Isn’t The Only Thing In The Air, Part 10

    Crafting Confusion In Your Sleep

    | Umeå, Sweden | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband sometimes talks in his sleep, though I usually can’t make out what he’s saying, and the morning after he never remembers, so I can never ask about it. Then one night, this happens:)

    Husband: “That’s a four-s***-floor.”

    Me: *waking up* “What?”

    Husband: *half-sitting in bed, staring intently at me and pointing to the roof* “THAT’S a four-s***-floor!”

    Me: *confused* “What do you mean?”

    Husband: *sinking back in his pillows* “Never mind.”

    Me: “No, tell me!”

    Husband: “I’m too tired; I’ll explain tomorrow.”

    Me: “You don’t even remember, do you?”

    Husband: “Well, in Minecraft, mods version, apartment, expensive in reality…” *trails off*

    Me: *looking at the clock* “Uh, did you just go to bed?”

    Husband: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Seriously? I thought you said you were tired when I went to bed.”

    Husband: “Mmmmmh… ”

    Me: “Geez.”

    Husband: *seems to finally wake up* “Wait, what?”

    Me: “You said you just went to bed.”

    Husband: “What time is it?”

    Me: “Four am.”

    Husband: “Nooo, I went to bed hours ago.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. You don’t remember what we’ve been talking about, do you?”

    Husband: *half sits up again* “Yeah, in Minecraft there is this modded mode, where they have a bad quality block, but in reality it hurts you more and you pay more.”

    Me: “And because of this you felt it necessary to wake me up and tell me about the four-s***-floor?”

    Husband: “THAT I don’t remember.”

    (He goes straight back to sleep, while I am wide awake with our kitten joyfully attacking my foot under the duvet. The next morning, after over-sleeping:)

    Me: “The next time you want to let me know about any other neighbours that have a four-s***-floor, please don’t do it at four am.”

    Husband: “What’s a four-s***-floor?”

    Me: “I don’t know, you’re the one who said it. Apparently it has to do with Minecraft.”

    (My husband just looks at me confused. Turns out he had no memory of any part of the conversation.)

    All Things Said While Asleep Are Off The Books

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancé has gone to bed before me; I have stayed up drinking wine and reading. When I finally come to bed, I am a bit drunk.)

    Fiancé: *waking up, mumbling* “I love you, dear.”

    Me: “I love books.”

    (Seconds later I fell asleep; if he had anything to say about me apparently loving books more than him, I didn’t hear it.)

    Have Been Weighting A Long Time

    | LA, USA | Dating

    (I haven’t seen my boyfriend in months due to him being busy with work. When he is finally able to come for a visit, I leap into his arms as soon as he gets out of his truck. Note: I am very petite.)

    Me: *clinging tightly* “YAY! I missed you!”

    (He takes a step back to keep his balance.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re a little heavier than I remember.”

    (I lean away and narrow my eyes at him.)

    Boyfriend: *clears his throat* “Ah, I mean… uh…”

    The Reason They Keep In Touch

    | Germany | Friends With Benefits

    (My friend-with-benefits and I are sitting in his car after having sex. He has a habit of tapping on my forearm or thigh while talking to me. He just did this a few times in quick succession.)

    Me: “You really like touching me, do you?”

    Him: *tapping on my thigh once more* “We wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t like touching you.”

    Me: “…you definitely have a point there.”

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