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  • This Future Time It Worked
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  • At This Rate They’ll Be Honey-mooning In Pollen-esia

    | Roseville, MN, USA | Dating

    (About a year ago, my boyfriend put a bee sticker on my phone to cheer me up when I was having a bad day. A couple days ago, I told him I was sad because it had almost completely peeled off. I’m texting my boyfriend while on my lunch break and finally notice that he had put a new bee sticker on it.)

    Me: “So, I’m blind. I only just noticed that you put another bee on my phone. Thank you. I love it.”

    Boyfriend: “I wondered if you noticed it or not.”

    Me: “I haven’t really looked at my phone much until I started my break. But jeez, how blind can I beeeeee?”

    Boyfriend: “You just didn’t have time to stop and look because you were so buzzy with work.”

    Me: “Yeah, I was constantly flying from place to place.”

    Boyfriend: “It`s ok. I forgive you, honey.”

    Me: “Trying to think of more puns is becoming a sticky situation.”

    Boyfriend: “My pun-fu is superior. Feel the sting of shame!”

    Me: “Aaaahhh! It’s horrible! Absolutebee horrible!”

    Boyfriend: “That was adorable. I love you. You`re my queen.”

    When The Sheep Start Counting You

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Dating

    (My boyfriend has the tendency to talk in his sleep. One night I thought he may have been awake, and had this exchange.)

    Boyfriend: “The sheep are coming.”

    Me: “What, sweetie?”

    Boyfriend: *rolls over to face me* “The connection is broken. The sheep are coming.”

    (Didn’t hear a thing for the rest of the night. When I asked, he had no recollection of this, but agreed it was definitely something he would say.)

    A Rich Vision Of The Future

    | Alexandria, VA, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend accidentally implies she is a gold digger. I am a hard working entrepreneur. As she attempts to persuade me of her serious interest I laugh. Note; she is bisexual.)

    Me: “Babe, you are a HORRIBLE gold digger. You need to step up your game. I mean, we should be having fantastic, borderline illegal sex FAR more often, and shouldn’t you be regularly bringing women home for threesomes?”

    Girlfriend: “You’re not rich yet!”

    The Situation Remains Fluid

    | UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend are I are lying in bed. He’s been working the early shift so he has fallen asleep on my chest whilst I continue watching television.)

    Me: *noticing the growing puddle of dribble forming on my pajama top* “Babe…”

    Boyfriend: *suddenly sits bolt upright and looks at me* “Eww, you’re all sweaty.”

    (He then gave me a disgusted look and rolled over whilst I had to mop up the drool. Thanks, babe.)

    A Weightless Weight Comment

    | Kona, HI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (For our honeymoon, I’ve convinced my wife to go scuba diving with me. First time divers need to figure out the proper amount of additional lead weights to add to their gear to compensate for buoyancy. My wife has just jumped in and is obviously carrying too much.)

    Me: “Honey, this is probably the only time for the rest of our lives it’ll be safe for me to say this… I think you might be overweight.”

    Wife: “Yep. That was your one time. Next time, I’m drowning you.”

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