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    About To Be Put In Their Ex-File

    | NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My partner and I are watching the X-Files. On screen…)

    Scully: “Oh, my. This woman’s been given a lobotomy…”

    Mulder: “So we’re looking for a doctor? Someone with medical training?”

    Scully: “No, Mulder, whoever did this…did it wrong.”

    (My partner pauses the TV.)

    Partner: “Isn’t a botched lobotomy still a lobotomy?”

    Me: “Except one’s a lobotchomy.”

    A Relative Misunderstanding

    | Shingle Springs, CA, USA | Family/Kids

    (I am a junior in high school. I have never had any interest in dating and many of my fellow teenage male students never can fathom this. Sometimes classmates would irritatingly imply a relationship every time they saw me talking to a girl.)

    Classmate: *suggestively* “Hey, [My Name], who’s that cute girl I’ve been seeing you drive to school with every morning?”

    Me: “That would be my SISTER.”

    Classmate: “You’re dating your sister?!”

    When The Cure Is Worse Than The Disease…

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have recently been diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer. The night this story takes place is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. Tomorrow is my first treatment of chemotherapy and radiation. It is also important to note that my wife is a veterinarian.)

    Wife: *hugs me* “Happy new year!”

    Me: *subdued* “Yeah…”

    Wife: “It will be a happy new year, because we’re going to get you fixed.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Wife: “No, not that way! I mean we’ll get you better. Better!”

    Keeping Her Secret, Keeping Her Safe

    | MI, USA | Dating

    (I am hanging out with my boyfriend and we are conversing about ‘The Hobbit.’ Both of us are huge Tolkien fans. We are in the hallway and see a group of my friends walking toward us. All of a sudden my boyfriend grabs me around the waist and starts pulling me down the hallway away from my friends.)

    Me: “What the h*** are you doing?”

    Boyfriend: “My precious. My precious. Must protect the precious. Mustn’t let the Hobbitses get the precious!”

    Me: “…and this is why I love you.”

    Making A Mountain Out Of The Proposal

    | Switzerland | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are hiking the Eiger Trail after a lot of sacrifices getting there in the first place. We have been together for 14 years and he is a bit of a commitment-phobe. I am not big on getting married, so the subject of marriage has never been discussed. We are both avid mountaineers and have been very excited for this hike, planning to climb the actual mountain next year. I want to sit down and enjoy the view but he insists on only stopping right at the base of the famous north face that we are both a bit obsessed about, and makes me climb on a boulder and rest. Then…)

    Boyfriend: “Maybe it is the altitude that is messing with my mind but…” *pulls out a plastic ring that had sealed a bag with food for the hike and a small bouquet of mountain flowers* “… would you make me the honor of being my wife?”

    Me: *speechless and then laughing hysterically* “Yes, but you better not have altitude sickness and not remember this tomorrow!”

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