(My girlfriend and I have been together long enough where I feel it is appropriate and necessary to open up about some rough spots/baggage in my past. Some of the things are fairly severe, and I expect her to break up with me. We have reached the end of the discussion.)

Me: “I guess, basically, what I’m saying is, that I tend to have really bad luck. If you’d be more comfortable staying as friends from this point on, I can totally respect and understand that.”

Her: “Yeah, well guess what? We’re still on. I’m not going anywhere, and I have great luck. So, we can balance each other out. Because, well, because I love you! So there! I love you, and I have good luck. You’re lucky you found me!”

(This is the first time either one of us has said we love one another. I am slightly taken aback.)

Me: “Wow. I mean. Um. You know, I’m touched. That means a lot to me, and I love you! And, you’re right, I’m lucky to have found you.”

Her: “Oh, well. I mean, I’m lucky to have you and all that stuff. But, you know, you’re luckier!”

(My fiancé and I are sitting on the sofa in our living room hugging watching TV.)

Me: “I love you.”

Fiancé: “Nope!”

(I look at him confused.)

Me:“What do you mean, nope?”

Fiancé: “Wait, what did you say?”

Me: “I said, I love you.”

Fiancé: “Oh, I thought you asked if I’d farted.”

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Me: *stops whistling ‘Congratulations’ by Cliff Richard* “Oh, sorry honey. I wasn’t mocking you because you can’t whistle.”

My husband: *fake whistle noise* “Hoo!”

Me: *whistles some more of ‘Congratulations’* “Now I’m mocking you.”

Boyfriend: “We need to take a picture together.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “My friends don’t think you exist.”

(The guy I’m seeing and I are sitting at a table in a bar with some friends. We’re watching people on the dance-floor and someone makes a joke about how none of them can dance.)

Me: “I can’t dance!”

(I start doing a ridiculous dance at the table.)

Him: “That has to be one of the least sexy things you’ve ever done.”

Me: “Really? What are the top five least sexy things I’ve done?”

Him: “That was all five of them!”

(My boyfriend and I are lying in bed. We start kissing. Suddenly, he pulls away.)

Him: “I really like X-wings!”

Me: *pause* “Seriously?!”

Him: “Yeah, they’re just so awesome!”

(I could have hit him, but I was too busy laughing.)

(I’ve just come home from getting my hair done at the hairdressers.)

Him: *eyeballing my suspiciously* “You look different.”

Me: “Mmm-hmm?”

(I wait for him to mention the new hair colour.)

Him: “Yeah. You look…beautiful?”

(I roll over and hug him.)

Me: “I love you, babe.”

Him: *completely asleep, smiling* “Mmhmm. The equivalence of two point five and a half hamburgers!”

(I laugh hysterically while trying not to wake him up.)

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