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    Piecemeal Advice

    | Warren, OH, USA | Fights/Breakups

    (My best friend is going through a rough break up. I am attempting to comfort her.)

    Best Friend: “I just feel like I gave him a piece of me that I can never get back.”

    Me: “Well, maybe you got a piece of him, too.”

    Best Friend: “I hope I got his balls!”

    Creepiest Pillow Talk

    | Novi, MI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in his bed snuggling. I’m sitting up against the wall, and he has his head in my lap laying on my thigh.)

    Boyfriend: “Your thigh is just the best pillow ever. If you die before me, I’m going to commission someone to taxidermy it so I can use it as a pillow forever!”

    Me: “I’m not sure if that was incredibly creepy or incredibly romantic.”

    Thinking Heavy But Bouncy Thoughts

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are on a car ride. I have been staring silently out the window for a couple minutes.)

    Fiancé: *somewhat concerned* “What are you thinking about?”

    Me: “Boobs.”

    Fiancé: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, I was thinking about my friend who has ‘J’-size boobs. She has to get her bras custom-made. Each of her boobs is the size of my head. I was just thinking how uncomfortable it would be to have boobs the size of my head.”

    Fiancé: “…so, boobs.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Fiancé: “I thought you were thinking of something really deep with how focused you look.”

    Me: “Nope. When it doubt, I’m probably thinking about boobs.”

    He Knows All, Period, Part 4

    | Oxford, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have flopped out on the bed. My period has just started and I’ve got cramps. My husband is always saying I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.)

    Me: “My uterus has started its monthly campaign of hate.”

    Husband: “It’s not hate!”

    Me: “Yes it is. It’s hate. It hates me.”

    Husband: “It’s not hate. It’s… mild rebellion!”

    (I’m not convinced he understands how painful it can be, but I appreciate him trying to make me love my body.)

    He Knows All, Period, Part 3
    He Knows All, Period, Part 2
    He Knows All, Period

    Good Clean Gaming

    | Plano, TX, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m chatting with my girlfriend online about a video game she recently got, ‘Bravely Default.’ One of the characters in the game is called ‘Ringabel.’)

    Girlfriend: “I want the girls to be an awesome warrior. But ‘rinsable’ is a good warrior.”

    Girlfriend: “And I see the autocorrect, but it’s hilarious. He shall be here fore known as ‘Rinsable.’”

    Me: “Well… at least it’s safe to put him in a dishwasher.”

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