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    Feeling Stelline

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Dating

    (At this point in my life I was working with a personal trainer several times a week and frequently came home physically exhausted.)

    Me: *comes in the door and dramatically collapses on the carpet* “I feel like spaghetti!”

    Boyfriend: *puts down the laundry basket he’s carrying and swiftly removes all of his clothes, puts his hands in the air and yells* “And I’m a NUDE-le!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Boyfriend: “See? We were meant to be together.” *picks up the laundry basket, still naked, and calmly walks away*

    Your Old Days Are Numbered

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Dating

    (We’ve been together for about two years and have never had the ‘numbers talk.’ I knew his number was high and didn’t care. He’d told me he didn’t care what mine was but didn’t want to know.)

    Me: “Okay, what’s your number?”

    Boyfriend: *pauses and gives me a puzzled face* “I honestly don’t know.”

    Me: “Come on! Ballpark. 20-100? 100-500?”

    Boyfriend: *looking frustrated* “I don’t know! Somewhere between 10 and 10,000!”

    Me: *sigh* “I guess I’ll take that.”

    (Two minute pause.)

    Me: “Just in case you’ve ever wondered, my number isn’t even in that range.” *meaning less than 10*

    (He responds without missing a beat.)

    Boyfriend: “You slut!” *stands up abruptly and strides away*

    Me: *speechless*

    (He was just looking for a dramatic departure while he refilled his soda. We’ve been together six years now and I still affectionately refer to him as my Mr. 10,001.)

    Hit The Books

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing ‘Diablo III: Reaper of Souls,’ which has just came out on PS4. I’m playing a wizard, and one of the first weapons I can use is a scroll book. It should be noted that I am an extreme bookworm, and have been known to read in all sorts of situations, often getting in trouble for it. This happens during our first big battle.)

    Me: “Holy crap! Okay, I’ll slow them down; you kick the crap out of them!”

    Boyfriend: “Okay!” *looks closer at my character* “Oh, my god, [My Name], we’re about to take on a horde of demons and you’re carrying a book. Typical!”

    Low Standards Are Standard

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (After tucking blankets around my wife’s feet:)

    Wife: “Awww… you take such good care of me.”

    Me: “Naw, I take shitty care of you. You’re just not used to anyone caring.”

    Wife: “Awww… I have such low standards.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Love Fell Right In Your Lap

    | Slovakia | Dating

    (My long distance boyfriend and I are talking over webcam. He is on his tablet computer. Suddenly everything goes dark on my screen, before I see the camera being righted.)

    Boyfriend: “Sorry, I dropped you in my crotch there!”

    Me: *laughing* “I enjoyed the experience!”

    Boyfriend: “And I didn’t even charge you.”

    Me: “What do you mean, charge ME! I’m the one who gave you a lap-dance!”


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