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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Love Is Dead, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has not been sleeping well recently and has been extremely tired all day. We get home from dinner and he’s half-awake on the couch on his phone. I’m online, enjoying some funny pictures.)

    Me: *turning around to face him* “I thought you’d like— Oh, wow, you look dead.”

    Boyfriend: “I can just feel the love and warmth radiating off you.”

    Love Is Dead

    Threepio Creepio

    | Portland, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (With the release of the new Star Wars movie I decide to dress up for Halloween as R2D2. We are at home getting ready for a party. I walk out of the bedroom with a handful of garter belts to my husband who is watching TV.)

    Me: *in my sexiest voice* “Hey, which garter belt would sexy R2D2 wear?”

    Husband: *without missing a beat & still watching TV* “The one that lets me see through your 3PO.”

    Will Have To Start Charging Him

    | UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m sitting at our kitchen table, wearing headphones, listening to music and doing homework. My husband comes up behind me, and touches my back, so as not to startle me.)

    Me: *pulls out headphones* “Oooh, kisses!”

    Husband: *reaches around me, begins groping my breasts* “Oooh, boobies!”

    Me: “What do you need?”

    Husband: *nuzzling me, continues groping me* “I came over here to ask where your Kindle was, but I got distracted.”

    Me: “It’s on the bed, charging.”

    Husband: “Hmm? What?”

    Me: “My Kindle? It’s on the bed. Charging.”

    Husband: “Boobies?”

    Me: “Nope, they aren’t charging. Oh! Maybe I’ll stop charging my boobs, and then they’ll get smaller!”

    Husband: *still groping me, leans away with a horrified look on his face* “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

    Cute At Work Requires No Work

    | TX, USA | Dating

    (I’m on Skype with my boyfriend because he isn’t feeling well. I am doing some work so I am mostly quiet except for checking in every once in a while. So I ask him how he’s feeling and ask him if it’s okay that I’m not talking too much.)

    Boyfriend: “Yes, baby, I get to see you working and looking serious, and I find that cute.”

    (Earlier in the day I had sent him a picture and he said I looked cute. Then later I sent him a voice message saying “I hope you’re feeling better! Love you!” He responded that he thought the idea was “super cute.” So now on Skype:)

    Me: “Maybe it would be easier for you to just say what things you don’t find cute?”

    Boyfriend: “Well, when you cry because I upset you… I don’t find that cute at all.”

    Me: “That’s it? Nothing else?”

    Boyfriend: “Nope, pretty much everything else you do is cute!”

    (I burst out laughing at that, and then look down to go back to my work.)

    Me: “I forgot what I was doing.”

    Boyfriend: “Cute!”

    Me: “That’s cute too?! I’m not even trying!”

    Boyfriend: “Exactly!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing again* “I’m posting this to Not Always Romantic before I get back to work!”

    An Ex-istential Crisis

    | USA | Advice

    (A few months ago, my ex broke up with me but we stayed on relatively good terms. Recently a friend of mine came up to me to tell me he had asked her out. This friend and I also have a mutual male friend who is known for having a thing for me but I don’t see him like that.)

    Friend: “So, [Guy] finally asked me out.”

    Me: “Great!”

    Friend: “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t mad.”

    Me: “Why would I be mad?”

    Friend: “Well you dated him before so I didn’t really know.”

    Me: “Honest. I’m happy for you. Have fun.”

    Friend: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “What do I have to do to prove it, go make out with [Mutual Guy Friend]?”

    Friend: “Oh, wow, you’re serious!”

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