• Doesn’t Want A Bilingual Girlfriend
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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Has A Hand In Your Nerdism

    | CT, USA | Dating

    (On one of our first dates, my boyfriend read my palms and sort of showed me how to do it. It is a month and a half later.)

    Me: “Remember that time you showed me how to read palms?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, why?”

    Me: “Give me your hand; I want to try.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay, let’s see how you do.” *he puts his palm in my hand*

    Me: “See this line here? It means you’re a nerd.”

    At Least He Notices You

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am watching a viral video online that is a compilation of people who are loopy because of pain meds after oral surgery; many of them have been filmed by their significant others. I wonder to myself if my significant other would film me in such a state because I imagine I would be funny, so I go into his study to inquire.)

    Me: “Hey, I have a weird question. If I needed oral surgery and was really loopy from the pain meds afterwards, would you—”

    Significant Other: *interrupting* “—notice a difference?”

    Ageing Healthily

    | Moss Point, MS, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My partner is a good seven years older than me, which I tease him about. I am a bit of a health nut, which he likes to tease me about. He had bought a frozen pizza this night.)

    Partner: “It tastes like [Popular Brand of white bread].”

    Me: “What is [Popular Brand of white bread]?”

    Partner: “You don’t know what that is?”

    Me: “No, is it something from before my time?”

    Partner: *rolls eyes* “No, you’re just an organic hippy nut.”

    The Line In Which We Based Our Love

    | Westchester, NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (I still talk to my ex occasionally, as we broke up on relatively good terms. He has always been mean to me in a joke-y way, and I have a similar sense of humor. I mention my new boyfriend, and try to discern if he’s uncomfortable with it.)

    Me: “Is this annoying you?”

    Ex: “Of course it is. Your existence annoys me.”

    Me: “…Is this annoying you above baseline level?”

    Ex: “Nah.”

    A Scenery Meany

    | FL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My wife is putting my daughter to sleep and moves from the bedroom to the living room.)

    Wife: “I think I’m going back to the bedroom.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Wife: “I only came out here because I thought a scene of changery might help.”

    (I grab my phone.)

    Wife: “You’re not putting that online are you?”

    Me: “I am now.”

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