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    This Relationship’s Fate Is Sealed

    | Ireland | Dating

    (I just moved in with my boyfriend. We have just moved into a new place and since we are not allowed to have pets, we have a seal stuffed animal called ‘Siggy’ that we joke is ‘our pet.’)

    Boyfriend: “So, I brought Siggy here this morning so that she could get used to the new place.”

    Me: *pretending to be listening to the stuffed animal* “Well, she said she kept asking you where you were going and you didn’t tell her… She thought you were abandoning her!”

    Boyfriend: *with an angry tone* “Stop making up stories like that up. You are not five  anymore!”

    (I was hurt by his reaction, until I turned around and realized he was speaking to the seal as well!)

    Daisy’s Gone Crazy

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Dating

    (I’m at work, trying to entertain my boyfriend over Facebook chat while he is on a long road-trip.)

    Me: *typing out altered lyrics to the song Daisy Bell* “Baby, baby, tell me your answer do. I’m half crazy, all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage…”

    Boyfriend: “Heh, cute.”

    Me: “But you’d look sweet, upon the seat of a bicycle made from the decaying flesh of mortals, as we ride our way through the underworld into the heart of Hell itself.”

    (I pause for effect.)

    Me: “…and then we BLOW IT UP!”

    Boyfriend: “Aww!”

    Looking For A Different Kind Of French Connection

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are in our late 20s, so we remember some events like September 11. It is the 4th of July.)

    Husband: “Wanna go get some freedom fries!?”

    Me: “Oh, god. That was so dumb.”

    Husband: “Yeah, couldn’t call them French fries for a while!”

    Me: “All because France wouldn’t help us out initially with Iraq and stuff.”

    Husband: “Yeah, it was silly.”

    Me: “WAIT! If it isn’t French kissing, do we have FREEDOM kissing? Wanna go freedom kissing?”

    Husband: “‘MURICA!” *kisses me*

    Me, My Wife, And I

    | Boston, MA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I got married a few days ago, and had surgery about four days after. My new husband goes to my workplace to give them my doctor’s note saying I can’t come in. The following takes place between my husband and my manager.)

    Husband: “Hi, I’m [My Name]‘s wife… er…”

    Manager: “Husband?”

    Husband: “Yes, husband. I’m her husband. [My Name] is my wife…”

    Sparked Until You See Stars And Stripes

    | CO, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have this playful game of spanking the other’s butt whenever we pass each other, or if one of us is bending to pick something up. This sometimes leads to skin turning red depending on how hard the last spank was, though its completely consensual. I am wearing my blue ‘Captain America’ skirt for the 4th of July and doing dishes.)

    Boyfriend: *comes up behind me and smacks my butt hard*

    Me: *yelps with surprise, then starts laughing*

    Boyfriend: “What?! What’s so funny?”

    Me: *still laughing* “My butt’s gonna be red, white, and blue now!”

    (And yes, my butt was red, white, and covered with blue fabric for the rest of the day.)

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