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    Extra Big Bowls Of Soup

    | Fort Pierce, FL, USA | Engaged

    Me: “I miss you.”

    Fiancé: “I know, baby. Hope you have been well. I on the other hand, have been sick as a dog. I’m at work right now.”

    Me: “I wish I was there. I would use my healing powers on you!… And by that, I mean boobies… and soup… but mostly boobs… Feel better!”

    Fiancé: “I love you, too.”

    You Make Me Skittish

    | USA | Dating

    (My long distance girlfriend has a deep love for Skittles. Since she lives in another country, finding them isn’t the easiest thing to do, so every time we see each other I get her Skittles. It eventually leads to me asking this question:)

    Me: “What do love more, me or Skittles?”

    Girlfriend: *long pause*

    Girlfriend: *hesitantly* “You…”

    Girlfriend: *pause*

    Girlfriend: “…cause you give me Skittles.”

    Avoid The Heated Debate

    | Germany | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking along the small river in our hometown, when the topic comes to the fact that we both read about a collective jumping event into the river a few days prior.)

    Me: “I just don’t get why you’d jump in there!”

    Boyfriend: *sticks his hand into the water* “Hmm, it’s not even that cold.”

    Me: “No, I didn’t mean that it might be too cold, I meant the temperature!”

    Boyfriend: *doubles over laughing*

    Me: “Ugh! I meant to say dirt!”

    Boyfriend: “You know… Sometimes I think I have a smart girlfriend. And then you say things like that…”

    Thick Skinned

    | Berlin, Germany | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

    (I am a lesbian. And even when I’m with my significant other, men still hit on me, because they seem to think I’m kissing a girl for attention or something along those lines. My girlfriend and I are out dancing and waiting for drinks at the bar.)

    Guy: “Did it hurt?”

    Me: “What, when I had my d*** removed? Yup, that was h***. I had to stretch my interior several times a day to make sure it doesn’t grow closed again. And my interior is d*** skin. Dude, that s*** hurts.”

    (He fled.)

    Showering You With Compliments

    | USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are currently long distance, as he has an internship out-of-state for the summer. As such, we often video chat, and occasionally use video chat to help take care of our “needs”. We are texting when I get home after a long day working in a wildlife animal hospital…)

    Boyfriend: “So, did you want to Skype?”

    Me: *tired and not in the mood* “Maybe later. I think I need to shower and relax.”

    Boyfriend: “Please? I would really like to…”

    Me: *a little irritated* “Sure, shall I strip from my sexy scrubs? If you’re lucky, there might still be some goose poop in my hair.”

    Boyfriend: “Eww.”

    Me: “Or I can shower. Your choice.”

    Boyfriend: “Why don’t you shower and relax…”


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