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    Spoiling Your Spoilers

    | The Netherlands | Dating

    (I’m telling my boyfriend that I think car spoilers are ugly.)

    Boyfriend: “They can be very useful and also stylish if they’re not bolted on afterwards. They’re kind of like boobs, if they’re not the size and shape and angle the model had intended to have, they’re fake and ugly.”

    Me: “Ha!”

    Boyfriend: “You’ve got beautiful spoilers.”

    Me: “Please don’t ever call them that again…”

    Can’t Help But Sweat It

    | Winchester, ON, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (I’ve just gotten home from work. It’s summer time and my job is physically demanding, so I’m in sweat overdrive. My husband greets me and buries his face in my cleavage as I’m getting ready to take a shower.)

    Me: “Get out of there! I’m sweaty!”

    Husband: “Don’t care.”

    Me: “I care! I stink!”

    Husband: “DON’T CARE!”

    Me: “Ugh, let me at least go take a shower. THEN you can stick your face in there. And it will smell better.”

    Husband: “Okay!”

    (He lets me go. Sad thing is this happens almost every time I come home from work.)

    Trying To Get A Laptop Lap-Dance

    | New Zealand | Flirting/How We Met

    (For three weeks I kept having to come into the same IT store and speak to the same guy over a somewhat important component for my new laptop that wasn’t working when I first purchased it. The last time I go in, I am with my little brother and we are just waiting on the IT guy to bring the new part to the front desk.)

    IT Guy: “So I checked the [important component] works out the back, but we’ll just check it works on your computer too before we close the service job. Some of the other guys here might accuse me of purposely screwing this up so I can keep seeing you!”

    Me: *blushes* “Um, thanks?”

    (I pull out my laptop and we check the component works with it before I take the component and put it away with the laptop, satisfied the whole situation is sorted.)

    IT Guy: “Great! Now that’s all done, you won’t have to come back in here! Although personally I hope your whole laptop dies so you’ll have to come back so I can keep seeing such a pretty lady!”

    Me: “Geez, I hope it doesn’t die! I really need it to work after all this running around trying to find a part!”

    IT Guy: “Yeah, well, I do… But I don’t… But really, I do.”

    Brother: *sensing this is getting a little awkward* “Well, thanks! Bye!” *drags me out of store*

    (To the IT guy: dude, you helped me out so much, but you were so much older than me, and that conversation, wishing me absolute failure with my brand new laptop, got REALLY awkward, really fast. But you made me laugh, and embarrassed my brother heaps!)

    Making A Good Case

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My sewing machine is playing up. I am getting frustrated.)

    Me: “I need a new sewing machine”.

    Husband: “Can you get it serviced?”

    Me: “It’s recently been serviced and is needing to be serviced more often. It costs over $100 for servicing.”

    Husband: “I’ve had my computer for over 12 years. I think I need a new one first”.

    Me: “Remind me how many screens, motherboards, video-cards, and other computer

    related things you have changed in all that time? The only thing original is the case.”

    Husband: *laughing* “Point taken.”

    Don’t Curb The Curve

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friend’s brother is a friend of mine, but he would like to be more. I’m not interested in him that way. I’m short, but very ‘curvy.’)

    Me: “I think I should go on a diet and lose a few pounds.”

    Him: “No! You can’t do that!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Him: “Your boobs will get smaller!”

    (And he wonders why I don’t have any romantic interest in him!)


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