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  • They’ve Both Joined The Dark Side
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    I Love You To Death

    | Carlsbad, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing a video game. I mind-control a rabbit and make it walk up to him.)

    Boyfriend: “Aww.”

    Me: “It doesn’t bother you that I am ENSLAVING a rabbit?”

    Boyfriend: “Dear, you could commit murder and I would help you hide the body.”

    Me: “What if I murdered you?”

    Boyfriend: “I wouldn’t tell.”

    You’ll Be Singing On My Own

    | England, UK | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and both of us are autistic. My special interest is ‘Les Misérables,’ which she knows every single spoiler about due to my inability to not talk about it. She spends an afternoon watching it while talking to me on Skype. ABC Café has just begun, and Marius is late.)

    Girlfriend: “Some guy Marius is late.”

    (I begin to type a response about how nonsensical her statement is, but then she says something unforgivable.)

    Girlfriend: “By the end of it, all his friends will be.”

    Me: “I’m breaking up with you.”

    Germaniac, Part 2

    | Dahab, Egypt | Dating

    (I come home about 11 pm after hanging out with some friends. My boyfriend is already asleep. Just before I go to bed, I check Facebook and notice that he has posted up the message “Life is short, so tell someone you love them. Life is also terrifying, so shout it at them in German.” A couple of hours later he gets up to use the bathroom. As he gets back into bed the following happens:)

    Me: *murble, murble*

    Boyfriend: “Hey.”

    Me: *arms outstretched to give him a cuddle* “ICH LIEBE DICH!”

    (At which point I rolled over and started snoring while he lied there for the next two hours, terribly confused.)


    I Knee’d Not Know

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are sitting on the sofa watching TV. I am sat at one end with my feet on his lap when this happens. He starts slowly moving his hand up my leg under my trousers.)

    Me: “What are you doing?”

    Fiancé: *suddenly grabbing my knee* “Going for your knee! If I rub it, a genie might come out. After all, it’s called a geKNEE!”

    Not Suited To That Humor

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are watching a TV show in his living room, In the show, a couple are about to get married.)

    Character: “This is my second favorite suit of yours. The first is your birthday suit!”

    Boyfriend: “Does he mean naked?”

    Me: “Yeaaaah…”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “Wait, does it always mean that?”

    Me: “Yes! What, did you not know that? Birthday suit: it’s what you’re born in… naked!”

    Boyfriend: *totally embarrassed* “No, well, I just thought it meant a fancy suit!”

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