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    Should Know When To Say No

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have just come home after a gathering for his family. Note our birthdays are only two days apart.)

    Me: “Sweetie, [Cousin] came and said it’s my fault you two can’t go on a trip this summer.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, it is. The only week I could go is our birthday week.”

    Me: “I know you don’t care about your birthday, but would you really want to be gone for mine?”

    Boyfriend: “…I’m going to guess you want me to say no.”

    Alive And Breathing

    | Northern Ireland, UK | Engaged

    Alive And Breathing


    Northern Ireland, UK

    (My fiancé and I are talking randomly. It should be noted that according to my fiancé I ‘snore like a walrus.’)

    Fiancé: “Sometimes when you’re sleeping and not snoring, I check to see if you’re still alive.”

    Me: *hysterically laughing* “I don’t know whether that’s a sweet or a dicky thing to say.”

    Fiancé: “At least it shows I care!”

    Not All Movies Are Equal

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Dating

    (We are playing a trivia game. One of the players asks the next question:)

    Trivia Host: “In what movie did the characters throw a toga party after finding out they were all in danger of failing school?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s the one where John Belushi is wearing the college sweatshirt. What’s that one called?”

    Boyfriend:Animal House.”

    Me: “Yes! I kept thinking Animal Farm, but I knew that wasn’t right.”

    Boyfriend: “All animals are toga, but some animals are more toga than others.”

    His Meaning Was Not Clear

    | Naperville, IL, USA | Dating

    (I’m Skyping my boyfriend and have finally convinced him to Skype using his laptop rather than his phone.)

    Me: “See?! Isn’t that so much better?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, wow, you actually look good.”

    (I glare at him and he pauses for a few seconds until it hits him.)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! No! I meant that you weren’t all blurry!”

    Step Out If You Can’t Take The Heat

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are friends with another couple who have been together for over ten years. We have three cats; she loves cats but he is highly allergic. We frequently jokingly tell her she should dump him and get a cat instead.)

    Boyfriend: “Forget [Her Boyfriend]. CATS!”

    Me: “They’re so wonderful. When it’s cold, they cuddle with you to keep you warm. One of them sleeps on my feet, like warm fuzzy purring socks.”

    Her: *to her boyfriend* “Did you hear that! Cats cuddle to keep you warm when it’s cold!”

    Her Boyfriend: “I BOUGHT YOU A SPACE HEATER!”

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