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  • Very Soppy Soup
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  • Gets The Bulk Of What He’s Saying

    | West Lafayette, IN, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are lying in bed cuddling and I’m caressing her boobs. Note that we’re both science majors.)

    Girlfriend: “Having fun there?”

    Me: “Your boobs have a surprisingly high bulk modulus.”

    The Language Of Lazy Love, Part 2

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (We are getting ready for bed. Husband goes into the kitchen with a shirt on and returns shirtless.)

    Husband: “How’s this for lazy? I spilled some water and rather than fetch a towel I used my shirt to mop it up.” *looks pleased with himself*

    Me: “How’s this for lazy? I wouldn’t have mopped it up.”

    Husband: “Touché”

    The Language Of Lazy Love

    Cruising To A Better Birthday

    | Logan, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have been together for about eight years. For half of the years that we’ve been together, something crappy happens on my birthday (ex. he forgets my birthday, or we miss a flight), which is in the middle of summer.)

    Husband: “You remember that incentive program at my work, where you get that bonus?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, I remember you telling me about that.”

    Husband: “Well, I should get that bonus next November. What would you think of going on a cruise that following summer?”

    (I’m about to start school again, and I don’t know what the program requires during the summer months.)

    Me: “Well, I don’t know if I’ll be doing an internship that summer, or what the plans will be.”

    Husband: “We can look at the calendar when its closer, but I wanted to know what you thought of the idea.”

    Me: “I love the idea. It sounds awesome!”

    Husband: “Good. I have to make up for seven years of sh***y birthdays.”

    He’s About To Die Harder

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We’re talking about the Die Hard movies, and the fact I’ve only seen the first two.)

    Me: “Yeah, we’ll have a macho manly movie marathon and make a day of it. But next thing you know, we’ll be outside punching something.”

    Husband: “Nah.”

    Me: “Yeah, before you know it, we’ll be in the back yard with pots on our heads, running straight at each other. I’ll even let you have the soup pot. It has a thicker bottom.”

    Husband: “No, I would never do that.”

    Me: “Oh, come on, it’s not like I’m asking you to cut eye holes in them first.”

    Husband: *facepalm*

    Your Thoughts Betray You

    | Livermore, CA, USA | Dating

    (Earlier in the day I had been out with my boyfriend and bought a bag of chocolate truffles. Later that evening I decided to eat some truffles, only to have an issue with the first one. I text my boyfriend about it.)

    Me: “I just bit into one of those truffles and it was empty.”

    Boyfriend: “Awww.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m sorry, babe.”

    Me: “Chocolate betrayal!”

    Boyfriend: “The second worst kind of betrayal.”

    Boyfriend: “The worst is sudden but inevitable.”

    (I think I’ll keep him.)

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