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    Un-Ex-pected

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex and I live across the country from each other, and even though we are broken up, we still both obviously have feelings for each other.)

    Me: “We’re kind of weird I guess. It makes me kinda happy.”

    Ex: “We talk like and do things like couples would do if they are far away but we just aren’t… really… a couple…”

    Me: “Pretty much.”

    Ex: “So what are we then?”

    Me: “Exes? Who never got over each other? And screwed up? We’re why “it’s complicated” exists as a status on Facebook!”

    It’s Starting To Not Be Okay

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I both like ‘Psych,’ a show whose main characters, Shawn and Gus, tend to have very oddball banter. Note that my husband tends towards mild depression, while I’m almost always very upbeat. We’re going to bed and I notice he looks down.)

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Husband: “No, I’m not really okay…”

    Me: “You don’t look okay.”

    Husband: “Yeah. I’m not okay right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re not okay.”

    Husband: “Well, at least you’re okay.”

    Me: “But I feel guilty feeling okay when you’re not feeling okay!”

    Husband:.”It’s okay.”

    Me: “This is starting to sound like an episode of Psych…”

     

    Pantyhose And How’s

    | Statesboro, GA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has ADHD and is prone to saying random, completely nonsensical things. I have taken a shower and he steps into the bathroom, where my dirty clothes were still sitting on the floor. I hear him call out.)

    Husband: “Babe?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Husband: “Women’s underwear is weird…”

    Me: “How so?”

    Husband: “Where do you put your balls?”

    Me: “That’s…  That’s not how it works…”

    No Dark Skin Off Of His Nose

    | Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m watching my partner game while munching happily on Oreos. My partner has dark skin.)

    Partner: *looks over* “Aw. You look so happy.”

    Me: “Of course I’m happy!”

    Partner: “That’s because you have chocolate, right?”

    Me: “Right!” *pause* “And I also have Oreos.”

    (He was giggling so much he had to pause the game.)

    Deadly Honest

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Dating, Themed Giveaway

    (During a conversation with my boyfriend regarding his need for me to point out when he has to have important errands completed, like laundry and paying for permits, this comes up. This takes place while it is raining hard and we are driving.)

    Me: *gleefully yelling* “Where would you ever be without me!”

    Boyfriend: *flatly* “Dead. I’d be dead.”


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