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    Mama, Just Killed A Man

    | LA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I technically are not engaged, but for a few years now have been talking about marriage and how we would want the ceremony. A few months ago, he shot down “A Simple Kind of Man” for his dance with his mother because it does not reflect the relationship they have. This morning, I wake up with it playing in my head and it gets me thinking about other song possibilities. Note: My boyfriend has, shall we say, a colorful past which he’s broken out of, but it still affects him a little.)

    Me: “Hey! Hey! Wake up! I figured it out!”

    Boyfriend: *sleepily* “What?”

    Me: “I figured out what you should dance to with your mom at our wedding!”

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “‘Bohemian Rhapsody!’ I know it’s a little more extreme than your situation was, but it still fits!

    Boyfriend: “…Go sit in the corner.”

    Spare Me Your Spare Birthdays

    | Sweden | Dating

    (We are snuggled up on our couch after dinner.)

    Boyfriend: *pokes my nose* “Happy birthday!”

    Me: “Huh?” *my birthday is in about four months*

    Boyfriend: “Now you have a spare!”

    Me: *confused look*

    Boyfriend: *smiles proudly* “If I forget to say it on your real birthday, just think back to this moment!”

    The Red Wedding Versus The Blue Screen

    | FL, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé decided to build a computer. The case comes first, so he shows me.)

    Me: “It looks rather Game of Thrones-like.”

    Fiancé: “That’s what I thought, too, when I bought it.”

    (I stare at him to see if he makes any connection.)

    Fiancé: “What?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Fiancé: *realizing* “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”

    Me: “It’s going to diiiiiie!”

    (Fast forward a week later; the motherboard comes. I get home from work to see him working on the computer, frustrated.)

    Me: “Everything okay?”

    Fiancé: “I’m having trouble getting this to work. I think it might be the motherboard.”

    (I start laughing and he glares at me.)

    Fiancé: “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”

    Me: “I told you it was going to diiiiiie!”

    (He was able to get a new motherboard that worked, but he still hasn’t forgiven me for ‘jinxing’ the first one.)

    Bring Bubbly

    "When I said bring the bubbly, I didn't mean Alka-Seltzer."

    In The Heat Of The Night

    | IL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Our old-fashioned waterbed heater shorts out in the ‘on’ position. Consequently, it starts burning the wood support. Luckily, my husband sees the smoke just as it is beginning, wakes me, and does everything necessary to extinguish the fire, safely remove the heater, and drain the water mattress. He also has to call into work to explain why he will be late. When he walks into work a few hours later, he is greeted with:)

    Coworkers: “Here’s [Husband]. The last of the red hot lovers.”


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