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    A Marriage Of Convenience

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are watching a show. A character is telling another character about the benefits of marriage: streamlined paperwork, ease of passing through customs, and (of course) tax breaks. We have had similar discussions in the past.)

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “It’s so true!”

    Me: “Yes, those are basically the sorts of reasons we would get married if we ever get married.”

    Boyfriend: “Plus it would make it harder for you to leave me if I get really fat!”

    Me: “Aaaaaand vice versa.”

    Boyfriend: *in a small, quiet voice* “What have I done?”

    Should Have Optioned Out Of That Comment

    | IN, USA | Dating

    Boyfriend: “‘He kept his options open.’ That’s what I want people to say about me. *pause* “‘He kept his options open… and then chose the best one.’”

    Me: “Did you realize how that sounded before it came out?”

    Boyfriend: “Not until you glared at me.”

    That Took A Lot Out Of Her

    | Burnsville, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s the night after our daughter is born. Needless to say, my wife is tired. She’s breastfeeding our daughter, but both she and the baby are falling asleep.)

    Me: “Why don’t I put her in the bassinet?”

    Wife: “Okay. Who’s next?”

    Me: “What?”

    Wife: “Who do I have to feed next?”

    Me: “You’re asking who besides your daughter you have to breastfeed?”

    Wife: “Yes!”

    Me: “Get some rest, Sweetie.”

    The Girl Is A Hit

    | Copenhagen, Denmark | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’m a girl. I am at a party with friends, and I’m chatting with a really hot and cool guy.)

    Me: “So, how old are you?”

    Guy: “I’m 26. How come you’re asking?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m just making sure you’re over 18 if I were to hit on you later.”

    (I got very laid that evening. Who said girls can’t make a move?)

    Don’t Leave Me Hanging

    | Manila, The Philippines | Dating

    (I’m not one to get humor immediately, and don’t always take poetic things seriously. My boyfriend, however, does.)

    Boyfriend: “Tell me the three words that’ll make me float on air.”

    Me: “Go hang yourself.”

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