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    The Beatles’ Bitter Break-Up

    | Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (I am a fan of The Beatles, but my partner is not. My partner and I are in bed watching TV when I express a strong desire for cookies.)

    Partner: “No snacks! We haven’t done anything today but lie in bed! We’re going to end up like Yoko Ono and… uh…” *realizes he’s forgetting a Beatle’s name* “Uh… lemon?”

    Love Is Only Skin-Deep

    | CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Husband: *grabbing me as I’m walking past* “I need love!”

    Me: “What did you do with the the love I gave you five minutes ago?”

    Husband: “I used it for something. I need more.”

    Me: “Exactly what are you using my love for?”

    Husband: “It’s exfoliating!”

    Me: “Are you saying my love is an abrasive substance, capable of removing dead skin?”

    Husband: “Yes.”

    Big Hero 5 ft

    | USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (I’m messaging with an ex over Facebook. We have been broken up for about a year, but I sometimes think he still has feelings for me. Note: I am notoriously short.)

    Ex: “I wanna see Big Hero 6!”

    Me: “Oh, my god! So do I!”

    Ex: “This is why I need you.”

    Me: *doesn’t respond*

    Ex: “I can’t go see it by myself. I’ll look weird. I need a little girl to go with me.”

    Me: *relaxes*

    Lazy In Love, Lazy In Life

    | CT, USA | Dating

    (I stumble upon this website and decide to share it with my girlfriend. I text her screenshots of some of the posts and this conversation happens.)

    Me: “You’d like this website.”

    Girlfriend: “Too much work.”

    Me: “There’s the link for your convenience.”

    Girlfriend: “Nope.”

    Me: “So you’re just gonna make me read all these posts and send you the best ones?”

    Girlfriend: *smiley face with a halo*

    Me: “You’re lazy but I love you.”

    Incoherent Coherence

    | WA, USA |

    (My boyfriend sleep-talks almost every night. It’s just after my alarm goes off early in the morning. I let him continue to sleep, cuddled up next to me, while I browse my phone. Suddenly he turns over and faces away from me.)

    Me: “Uh-oh, is my phone too bright? I’ll turn down the brightness.”

    Boyfriend: *drowsily* “Thank you.”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: “Come ‘ere… Come ‘ere.”

    Me: “I can’t cuddle with you. My phone will wake you up and you need to sleep.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s because you hate fish, isn’t it?”

    Me: “…what?”

    Boyfriend: “You hate fish and are anti-Semitic.” *neither of those are true*

    Me: “What the heck? Are you sleep-talking?”

    Boyfriend: “No, I’m not!”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure you are.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m not sleep-talking; I’m just very very tired.”

    (An hour later when he actually wakes up, I ask him about it again.)

    Me: “So, were you sleep-talking?”

    Boyfriend: “Kinda… I remember saying it and it making sense back then. I think I was half asleep.”

    Me: “That makes sense. You were too coherent to be sleep-talking, but not coherent enough to actually make sense.”


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