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    Could Swear She’s From Boston

    | USA | Dating

    (I am English, and my girlfriend is a (New York) American At this point we are talking over Skype about arguments, as I am very patient and don’t get angry.)

    Girlfriend: “How will I know if I piss you off?”

    Me: “Well, we’re really open with each other, so I’m sure I’d talk it through with you.”

    Girlfriend: “You’ll know when you piss me off.”

    Me: “I’m aware. You let me know.” *laughs*

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, one day you’ll walk into the bathroom and find the tub and sink full of water, and all of your dumb tea bags in them and the toilet.”

    Me: *laughing* “Really?”

    Girlfriend: “Yep. Tea Party time, b****!”

    Keep Digging A Bigger Man-Hole For Yourself

    | VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (A male character on the TV is revealed to be having an affair.)

    Wife: *harrumphs* “Men!”

    (I look at her and raise an eyebrow.)

    Wife: “Not you. I don’t group you in with men!”

    Me: “This gets better and better…”

    Wife: “No, wait, that isn’t what I meant…”

    Sexy Time Morphed Into Something Else

    | ME, USA | Dating

    (I usually like to have something on in the background. At this time it happens to be on a newer ‘Power Rangers’ series. My girlfriend and I are on the bed having foreplay when suddenly she stops and looks at me seriously.)

    Girlfriend: “Love?”

    Me: “Yeah? What’s up?”

    Girlfriend: “Do I hear [Character]?”

    (The character yells ‘Iya!’ a lot when he fights.)

    Me: “Uh, probably. He came back in a later season as a Power Ranger again.”

    Girlfriend: “We’re stopping right now.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Girlfriend: “I need to watch him!”

    Me: “I’m… oddly okay with this.”

    (Later that night when we do have sex:)

    Me: “Iya! Iya! Iya!”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, f*** you!”

    Battling The Cold With Warm Comments

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s cold in the house, and I’ve been refusing to get out of bed all morning, for I am cocooned in warmth.)

    Husband: “All right, I’ve taken my shower. It’s your turn.”

    Me: “No, it’s cold.”

    Husband: “Come on, go take a lovely shower.”

    Me: “A lovely shower? What’s the difference?”

    Husband: “You’re in it.”

    Me: “Aww…”

    Tired Of Marriages

    | Umeå, Sweden | Marriage & Partners

    (Me and my husband recently got married, and we’re cuddling in bed before falling asleep.)

    Husband: “I have a wife!”

    Me: “That you do! And your wife has a husband!”

    Husband: *panicked* “She does?!”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: “Oh… that would be me.”

    Me: *snickers* “Did you honestly not realize that at first?”

    Husband: “Shut up!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing* “You noob!”

    Husband: “Shut up! I’m not used to this! It was an innocent mistake!”


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