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    A Hellish Comeback

    | London, England, UK | Flirting/How We Met

    (I work at a bar, where people who flirt with me are quite common. I usually have a practiced good comeback.)

    Customer: “Did it hurt?”

    Me: “When I fell from Heaven? No, but I scratched my knees climbing up from Hell.”

    A Lying Formula

    | UK | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m behind the bar on a slow Sunday afternoon. A young couple, who look like they’re on their first date come in, get drinks, then go play pool. As it’s quiet I can hear everything they say:)

    Guy: “Yeah, I work for the Ferrari F1 team. Currently working on the engines back at base.”

    Girl: “Oh, wow. Bet you see a lot.”

    (This goes on for the whole game, and I notice he’s being very inconsistent with his story. They come up for another drink.)

    Me: “You say you work for the Scuderia?”

    Guy: “Who?”

    Me: “Ferrari.”

    Guy: “Oh, yeah. It’s a high-pressure job.”

    Me: “Bet that must be a h*** of a commute to Italy everyday to get to their base? Have you met il Commendatore yet?”

    Guy: *looking worried* “Er, not yet, we’re having lunch next week?”

    Me: “Wow. Well that will be an experience considering he died nearly 30 years ago.”

    Girl: *to guy* “So you’ve been lying to me?!”

    Guy: “Umm…”

    Me: “Mate, if you’re going to lie, make sure you know what you’re lying about!”

    (The girl stormed out with the guy chasing after her trying to apologise.)

    An Armful Relationship

    | PA, USA | Dating, Flirting/How We Met

    (My boyfriend is playing in a band at a local bar. I decide to go with him to see the show but I don’t know anyone besides the band. While they are performing I am going through my cellphone and soon feel someone’s breath on my neck. I turn to see a very drunk old man standing uncomfortably close to me.)

    Man: *staring* “Hi.”

    Me: “Um… hi?”

    Man: “You’re beautiful.”

    Me: *disturbed* “I’m not interested, but thanks anyway.”

    Man: *slurring* “You don’t believe me, huh? Well you’re beautiful! Don’t let anyone say otherwise!”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m really not interested…”

    Man: “Do you speak Spanish?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Man: “You’re so pretty. Do you wanna dance?”

    Me: “I really don’t.”

    (All of a sudden he throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me. Baffled, I walk away but we eventually run into each other again. When the band finally takes a break between sets my boyfriend and I go outside for a cigarette.)

    Me: “Aren’t you going to save me? He freaks me out!”

    Boyfriend: “He’s just a regular. He’s drunk, like, all of the time.”

    Me: “I saw you laughing at me from the stage, a**.”

    (In response my boyfriend throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me.)

    Me: *pouting* “I hate you.”

    Boyfriend: *grinning* “Loooove you.”

    (The old man continued to bother me until he was kicked out at closing time. Nearly two years later my boyfriend [now fiancé] and other close friends still throw their arms up and blow raspberries at me.)

    Bad Romance, Good Bromance

    | NB, Canada | Bromance

    (One of my good friends gets a new job and will be starting soon. It’s Valentine’s day and it is the only day we can grab supper. After we eat, I head home.)

    Girlfriend: “Did you enjoy your date? it’s pretty sad when you have supper with your buddy on Valentine’s day and forget your girlfriend!”

    Me: “You know what they say, sugar… You have to keep the bromance alive!”

    Letting Her Go Is Not On The Schedule

    | SC, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are hanging out one Sunday night with his best friend and some other people.)

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “We should hang out tomorrow night if you’re free.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, that sounds good.”

    Me: “No. Remember, we have that thing?”

    Boyfriend: “D***, that’s right.”

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “What about Tuesday?”

    Boyfriend: *looks at me*

    Me: “No, you’re closing Tuesday night.”

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “She knows your work schedule? Never let her go.”


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