• Time To Step Up
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    When The Concept Just Grabs You

    | USA | Friends With Benefits

    (We are in a bar with a large group of friends and many new people. I am a guy, and I am across the bar from the only two girls I am close to. Somebody grabs my butt and disappears before I see who.)

    Me: *to Girl #1* “Someone grabbed my butt and ran off. You and [Girl #2] are the only ones who I would let get away with that.”

    Girl #1: *grabbing my butt* “I would never grab you!”

    (Later that night I am telling Girl #2 about it.)

    Girl #2: “Yeah, [Girl #1]’ is kinda grabby and flirts a lot. You should date her. Hey, why is your hand on my butt?!”

    Me: “Probably because we are drunk, curled up in your bed, and your hand is down my pants grabbing my butt.”

    Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, fair enough. Grab away.”

    Go Home, Decency, We’re Drunk

    | Lancashire, England, UK | Friends With Benefits

    (I and some friends are talking about crazy things we had done whilst drunk. I have a reputation for doing crazy things and then forgetting them once sober again. My two friends say they don’t forget things.)

    Friend #1: *to me* “People keep being surprised that you and I have never done anything crazy together.”

    Me: “Well, we did make out…”

    Friend #1: *utterly gobsmacked* “We did? When?!”

    Me: “Really?!”

    Friend #2: “Haha! You’re in trouble now. If I’d ever made out with [My Name] I’d remember!”

    Me: *realising Friend #2 has forgotten something important* “We had sex last New Years.”

    Friend #2: *face is utterly white* “We did?”

    Me: “Yup. You were a lot drunker than me apparently.”

    (Friend #1 and I cracked up completely at this point.)

    Write Yourself A Better Pickup Line

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friend and I, both female, are having an after-work drink at a local dive bar. Everything is relatively pleasant until…)

    Random Man: “Are you ladies talking about how much you’d like to find a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “Um. No.”

    Me: *shakes head*

    Random Man: “Oh. Well… you let me know.” *walks out of the bar*

    (My friend and I continue our conversation, but then I notice that the man has come back and is eyeing us.)

    Random Man: “I’m leaving now! Sure you girls don’t want a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “I think we’re good.”

    Random Man: *as he leaves* “I’m a writer!”

    Wine-y To Groan-y

    | NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex-boyfriend and I are having lunch at a bar. We are both beer snobs, and I’ve ordered a beer that was aged in white wine barrels. We don’t hang out very often, so it’s been about two months since I saw him.)

    Me: “How’s your beer?”

    Ex: “Solid. How’s yours?”

    Me: “Hmm. It’s very wine-y.”

    Ex: “Like you!” *laughs at his own joke*

    Me: “Oh, how I’ve missed you…”

    Matching Carbonite Rings

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My coworker sees the matching rings my partner and I got. Mine says ‘I love you’ and his says ‘I know.’)

    Coworker: “You got matching rings? Ugh, it’s like you’re married!”

    Me: “Really? Do you get the reference?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but, matching rings? It’s just like you’re married!”

    Me: “Dude, we’ve been together for 17 years, LITERALLY half my life, and we have lived together for 10 of those years. The only thing that is not like being married about us is I don’t have a piece of paper. I even have a pretty ring now!”

    Coworker: “But, it’s like you’re married…”

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