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    A Lying Formula

    | UK | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m behind the bar on a slow Sunday afternoon. A young couple, who look like they’re on their first date come in, get drinks, then go play pool. As it’s quiet I can hear everything they say:)

    Guy: “Yeah, I work for the Ferrari F1 team. Currently working on the engines back at base.”

    Girl: “Oh, wow. Bet you see a lot.”

    (This goes on for the whole game, and I notice he’s being very inconsistent with his story. They come up for another drink.)

    Me: “You say you work for the Scuderia?”

    Guy: “Who?”

    Me: “Ferrari.”

    Guy: “Oh, yeah. It’s a high-pressure job.”

    Me: “Bet that must be a h*** of a commute to Italy everyday to get to their base? Have you met il Commendatore yet?”

    Guy: *looking worried* “Er, not yet, we’re having lunch next week?”

    Me: “Wow. Well that will be an experience considering he died nearly 30 years ago.”

    Girl: *to guy* “So you’ve been lying to me?!”

    Guy: “Umm…”

    Me: “Mate, if you’re going to lie, make sure you know what you’re lying about!”

    (The girl stormed out with the guy chasing after her trying to apologise.)

    An Armful Relationship

    | PA, USA | Dating, Flirting/How We Met

    (My boyfriend is playing in a band at a local bar. I decide to go with him to see the show but I don’t know anyone besides the band. While they are performing I am going through my cellphone and soon feel someone’s breath on my neck. I turn to see a very drunk old man standing uncomfortably close to me.)

    Man: *staring* “Hi.”

    Me: “Um… hi?”

    Man: “You’re beautiful.”

    Me: *disturbed* “I’m not interested, but thanks anyway.”

    Man: *slurring* “You don’t believe me, huh? Well you’re beautiful! Don’t let anyone say otherwise!”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m really not interested…”

    Man: “Do you speak Spanish?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Man: “You’re so pretty. Do you wanna dance?”

    Me: “I really don’t.”

    (All of a sudden he throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me. Baffled, I walk away but we eventually run into each other again. When the band finally takes a break between sets my boyfriend and I go outside for a cigarette.)

    Me: “Aren’t you going to save me? He freaks me out!”

    Boyfriend: “He’s just a regular. He’s drunk, like, all of the time.”

    Me: “I saw you laughing at me from the stage, a**.”

    (In response my boyfriend throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me.)

    Me: *pouting* “I hate you.”

    Boyfriend: *grinning* “Loooove you.”

    (The old man continued to bother me until he was kicked out at closing time. Nearly two years later my boyfriend [now fiancé] and other close friends still throw their arms up and blow raspberries at me.)

    Bad Romance, Good Bromance

    | NB, Canada | Bromance

    (One of my good friends gets a new job and will be starting soon. It’s Valentine’s day and it is the only day we can grab supper. After we eat, I head home.)

    Girlfriend: “Did you enjoy your date? it’s pretty sad when you have supper with your buddy on Valentine’s day and forget your girlfriend!”

    Me: “You know what they say, sugar… You have to keep the bromance alive!”

    Letting Her Go Is Not On The Schedule

    | SC, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are hanging out one Sunday night with his best friend and some other people.)

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “We should hang out tomorrow night if you’re free.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, that sounds good.”

    Me: “No. Remember, we have that thing?”

    Boyfriend: “D***, that’s right.”

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “What about Tuesday?”

    Boyfriend: *looks at me*

    Me: “No, you’re closing Tuesday night.”

    Boyfriend’s Best Friend: “She knows your work schedule? Never let her go.”

    A League Of An Ordinary Gentleman

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am in a bar with a few of my girlfriends when a really handsome guy walks by our table towards his to join some friends. His phone slides from his back pocket and falls on the floor without him noticing. It must be noted also that I am quite curvy but still quite sporty. I pick the phone up and bring it to his table:)

    Me: “Hi, just wanted to tell you that—”

    Hot Guy: “—don’t bother. I only date skinny girls and I’m quite out of your league.”

    (My jaw drops at the nerve of this guy but I compose myself quickly, put on my best sarcastic face and answer.)

    Me: “Fine by me; I don’t date shallow douchebags. Anyway, I just came here to tell you that you dropped this.”

    (I put the phone is front of him and the guy turns bright red, while his friends start laughing. I start walking away, turn around and say:)

    Me: “By the way you’re not out my league; you’re simply way below it!”

    (His friends laughed harder and taunted him on how he got owned. The best part? As I was ordering drinks at the bar a while later, one of his friends came to me and apologized for that guy’s behavior. We had a bit of a laugh about it and he ended up asking for my number. We’ve been dating since! Last we heard about obnoxious guy, most of his friends had stopped hanging out with him because of his rude manners and shallowness.)


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