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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Write Yourself A Better Pickup Line

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friend and I, both female, are having an after-work drink at a local dive bar. Everything is relatively pleasant until…)

    Random Man: “Are you ladies talking about how much you’d like to find a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “Um. No.”

    Me: *shakes head*

    Random Man: “Oh. Well… you let me know.” *walks out of the bar*

    (My friend and I continue our conversation, but then I notice that the man has come back and is eyeing us.)

    Random Man: “I’m leaving now! Sure you girls don’t want a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “I think we’re good.”

    Random Man: *as he leaves* “I’m a writer!”

    Wine-y To Groan-y

    | NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex-boyfriend and I are having lunch at a bar. We are both beer snobs, and I’ve ordered a beer that was aged in white wine barrels. We don’t hang out very often, so it’s been about two months since I saw him.)

    Me: “How’s your beer?”

    Ex: “Solid. How’s yours?”

    Me: “Hmm. It’s very wine-y.”

    Ex: “Like you!” *laughs at his own joke*

    Me: “Oh, how I’ve missed you…”

    Matching Carbonite Rings

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My coworker sees the matching rings my partner and I got. Mine says ‘I love you’ and his says ‘I know.’)

    Coworker: “You got matching rings? Ugh, it’s like you’re married!”

    Me: “Really? Do you get the reference?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but, matching rings? It’s just like you’re married!”

    Me: “Dude, we’ve been together for 17 years, LITERALLY half my life, and we have lived together for 10 of those years. The only thing that is not like being married about us is I don’t have a piece of paper. I even have a pretty ring now!”

    Coworker: “But, it’s like you’re married…”

    A Hellish Comeback

    | London, England, UK | Flirting/How We Met

    (I work at a bar, where people who flirt with me are quite common. I usually have a practiced good comeback.)

    Customer: “Did it hurt?”

    Me: “When I fell from Heaven? No, but I scratched my knees climbing up from Hell.”

    A Lying Formula

    | UK | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m behind the bar on a slow Sunday afternoon. A young couple, who look like they’re on their first date come in, get drinks, then go play pool. As it’s quiet I can hear everything they say:)

    Guy: “Yeah, I work for the Ferrari F1 team. Currently working on the engines back at base.”

    Girl: “Oh, wow. Bet you see a lot.”

    (This goes on for the whole game, and I notice he’s being very inconsistent with his story. They come up for another drink.)

    Me: “You say you work for the Scuderia?”

    Guy: “Who?”

    Me: “Ferrari.”

    Guy: “Oh, yeah. It’s a high-pressure job.”

    Me: “Bet that must be a h*** of a commute to Italy everyday to get to their base? Have you met il Commendatore yet?”

    Guy: *looking worried* “Er, not yet, we’re having lunch next week?”

    Me: “Wow. Well that will be an experience considering he died nearly 30 years ago.”

    Girl: *to guy* “So you’ve been lying to me?!”

    Guy: “Umm…”

    Me: “Mate, if you’re going to lie, make sure you know what you’re lying about!”

    (The girl stormed out with the guy chasing after her trying to apologise.)

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