Flirting Fails. This week, we share five stories that show that while flirting is more art than science, there are some really, really bad artists out there!

1. Gettin’ Schooled 101:
   Not Always Romantic’s most popular story of all time: a flirtatious student gets taught what makes a woman tick—and it sure as heck isn’t him!
2. Proof That Men Will Say Anything:
   A guy will always change their tune to get the girl–even if it means changing their gender!
3. Chippendales, The Golden Years:
   Age doesn’t have anything on these four swingin’ senior studs!
4. Please Do Not Titillate The Employees:
   Bad: Getting turned down by a girl. Worse: Getting turned down by a girl because your mom forced you to you flirt with her. Worst: Getting turned down by a girl because your mom forced you to flirt with her so you could get onto a fake museum ride to Mars.
5. Perspiring & Persistent:
   “Do you sweat a lot?” Worst. Pickup Line. Ever.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I’m at a bar with a friend when she excuses herself to use the restroom. Instantly, a guy who has been sitting further down the bar comes over to talk to me.)

Guy: “I know you’re here with your friend, but I was wondering if you’d like to see a magic trick before she comes back?”

Me: *I nod yes*

Guy: “Pick a card.”

(He covers his eyes so he can’t see, then holds out a sharpie and tells me to sign my name on the card and place it in the middle of the deck. I do so.)

Guy: “Now, I’m going to shuffle the cards. Here’s the magic. Your card is going to rise to the top of this deck.”

(With a flourish, he turns over the top card. It isn’t mine.)

Guy: “Shoot, that usually works. Sorry. Have a nice night, miss.” *leaves before I can say anything*

(Surprisingly, when I go to take a drink, I discover he’s replaced my coaster with my card and has written his cell number above my name! I called him and we’ve now been married three years. He still won’t tell me how he did the trick!)

(My boyfriend and I are out with friends discussing the importance of looks.)

Friend: “I could never go out with someone who wasn’t at least above average in looks.”

Boyfriend: “Wow, you have higher standards than me.”

(I just stare at him.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, no! I mean…oh crap!”

(My friend is dating a new girl and things are getting serious which is unusual for him, as he usually likes to be single. He brings her to a bar to meet his friends.)

Friend: “We’re a couple now. Now, we have to start doing couple stuff.”

Friend’s girlfriend: “That sounds like it will be embarrassing and cheesy. I don’t want to do stuff like that!”

Friend: “No, it’ll be cool! We can play charades with other couples, finish each others sentences, and make up revoltingly cute pet names for each other.”

Friend’s girlfriend: “No way is that happening. You are so embarrassing sometimes!”

Friend: “Fine, I’ll do it by myself…” *loudly, so everyone in the bar hears* “…schnookums!”

(The guy I’m seeing and I are sitting at a table in a bar with some friends. We’re watching people on the dance-floor and someone makes a joke about how none of them can dance.)

Me: “I can’t dance!”

(I start doing a ridiculous dance at the table.)

Him: “That has to be one of the least sexy things you’ve ever done.”

Me: “Really? What are the top five least sexy things I’ve done?”

Him: “That was all five of them!”