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    He Really Became The Character

    | OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are in the car, driving home, and discussing the various Hulk movies and the actors who played the Hulk. We get on the topic of our favorite ones.)

    Husband: “I like all of them except Eric Bana. He didn’t really fit.”

    Me: “My favorite’s Bruce Banner. He was an awesome Hulk…”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “NO! No, that’s not what I meant!! MARK RUFFALO!!! I MEANT MARK RUFFALO!”

    Husband: “Yes, [My Name], Bruce Banner was the best Hulk.”

    Me: “That’s soooo not what I meant to say!”

    Husband: “BRUCE BANNER WAS THE BEST HULK!”

    Me: “Oh, shush!”

    Should Be On Vacation In The Amazon

    | TX, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are on a road trip to Houston for spring break. We have a bunch of food and drinks in our laps. Suddenly the two lane road turns into a one way road and everything in my lap falls to the floor so I can’t step on the pedals.)

    Me: “Oh, my God, get it! Get it! We are going to crash!”

    Boyfriend: “I can’t reach. I love you. This wasn’t how I was expecting to go.”

    (The huge truck behind us rushes by and we have a few seconds of calm to get our heads back on straight.)

    Boyfriend: “Nothing like a near death experience to start off your first vacation in months.”

    Me: “Yeah… So, how were you expecting to go?”

    Boyfriend: “Death by snu-snu.”

    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 17

    | GA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m reading an article that was posted on Facebook by a friend:)

    Me: “Hey, honey, you’ve been helping defend me against cancer!”

    Husband: “How?”

    Me: “This study says that smelling farts can help prevent cancer!”

    Husband: “I told you about that article ages ago. And then you wouldn’t let me fart on you. I was just looking out for your health!”

    Me: “With your farts? I’ll go blind from the smell before I get cancer.”

    Related:
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 16
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 15
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 14

    Nothing As Dangerous As Technology Scorned

    | Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are driving into the city for lunch, and he has his phone on the dash for directions. He loves giving his phone voice commands.)

    Husband: “Okay, [Phone], turn off maps.”

    Phone: *randomly updates destination to somewhere else*

    Husband: “No! Cancel!”

    Phone: “There is nothing to cancel.”

    Husband: “What? No! Cancel!”

    Phone: *continues updating map*

    Husband: “Oh, f*** off!”

    Phone: “Calling, [My Name].”

    Husband: “What?! No!” *starts hitting the screen*

    Me: “What the h***? Why did your phone start calling me when you told it to f*** off?!”

    What To Expect When You’re Over-Expecting

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (In this story, I’m driving and my wife is pregnant. I am discussing a family vacation that my relatives didn’t plan out super well and asking about travel. My wife has a tendency to come up with the most hyperbolic statements and it never fails to amuse me. She is already a little moody this day.)

    Me: “So, I told him, you know, I am not sure that we can do it in that timeframe because we’re pregnant.”

    Wife: *teasing* “’We’?”

    Me: “I don’t know what you call it. What do you call it when someone in the relationship is pregnant?”

    Wife: *shrugs* “I don’t know. I’ve just been telling people that we’re expecting.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. That makes sense.”

    Wife: “Yeah, but, I don’t know. That seems kind of weird to say.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Wife: “Well, ‘expecting’ makes it sound like we have really high expectations. You know, like we’re expecting the baby to be born then immediately go, like, to medical school or something.”

    Me: *snickering*

    Wife: “What?! I’m just saying; it seems like you’re setting the bar kind of high.”

    Me: *smiling*

    Wife: “Stop laughing like I said something amusing!”

    Me: “You just said something that is totally ridiculous. Why would a baby go to medical school?”

    Wife: “That’s what I was saying! Don’t expect a baby to go to medical school when it’s a couple hours old. You know, manage your expectations.

    Me: *grinning* “You’re so funny.”

    Wife: *upset* “I’M NOT TRYING TO BE!”

    Me: *forcing smile to go away* “Okay, okay. I’m sorry; I promise that I won’t make our baby go to medical school.”

    Wife: *evil glare* “Fine.”


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