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    Thinking Heavy But Bouncy Thoughts

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are on a car ride. I have been staring silently out the window for a couple minutes.)

    Fiancé: *somewhat concerned* “What are you thinking about?”

    Me: “Boobs.”

    Fiancé: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, I was thinking about my friend who has ‘J’-size boobs. She has to get her bras custom-made. Each of her boobs is the size of my head. I was just thinking how uncomfortable it would be to have boobs the size of my head.”

    Fiancé: “…so, boobs.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Fiancé: “I thought you were thinking of something really deep with how focused you look.”

    Me: “Nope. When it doubt, I’m probably thinking about boobs.”

    Don’t Curb The Curve

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friend’s brother is a friend of mine, but he would like to be more. I’m not interested in him that way. I’m short, but very ‘curvy.’)

    Me: “I think I should go on a diet and lose a few pounds.”

    Him: “No! You can’t do that!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Him: “Your boobs will get smaller!”

    (And he wonders why I don’t have any romantic interest in him!)

    I Love You Even If It Kills Me

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in the car talking about politics.)

    Me: “I hate how even punching someone is illegal nowadays.”

    Boyfriend: “Right? Back in the ‘dark ages’ you could kill someone and get off fine!”

    Me: “Well, not scot free. Families would be out for blood if you killed their kid.”

    Boyfriend: “No one would be able to take me; I’d be like a king.”

    Me: “Would you kill me?”

    Boyfriend: “Are you kidding? I love you. I’d let you live in the castle of the rich guy I just killed while I’m off fighting.”

    Me: “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

    The Idiosyncrasies Of Idiocy

    | Milan, Italy | Dating

    (We are in my boyfriend’s car. After spending two days with our friends, he is driving me home because I have to work. After saying our goodbyes, I take his face in my hands and speak to him softly.)

    Me: “I really like you, even if you are an idiot. And you are an idiot.”

    (He moves to kiss me, and with his knee he accidentally turns on the radio. A rock song from the 90s starts playing.)

    Boyfriend: “Woah, did you see that? It was awesome! It was just like a TV show! I should work as a screenwriter.”

    Me: “An idiot.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

    Tons Of Eye-Candy

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are happily married, but are open minded and have a fairly relaxed ‘window shopping is okay’ policy; in fact, we often times point out attractive people to each other. Since I do most of the driving, though, conversations like this happen often.)

    Husband: “Oh, man, look at her/him!”

    Me: “Kinda can’t, babe.”

    Husband: “Aw, you missed it!”

    Me: “Yep, shame.”

    Husband: “Why don’t you ever look when I point someone out in the car?”

    Me: “I figured keeping the two-ton chunk of metal going 50 miles an hour from hitting another two-ton chunk of metal going 50 miles an hour was a little bit more important than eye-candy.”

    Husband: “…good point.”


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