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    He Really Became The Character

    | OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are in the car, driving home, and discussing the various Hulk movies and the actors who played the Hulk. We get on the topic of our favorite ones.)

    Husband: “I like all of them except Eric Bana. He didn’t really fit.”

    Me: “My favorite’s Bruce Banner. He was an awesome Hulk…”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “NO! No, that’s not what I meant!! MARK RUFFALO!!! I MEANT MARK RUFFALO!”

    Husband: “Yes, [My Name], Bruce Banner was the best Hulk.”

    Me: “That’s soooo not what I meant to say!”


    Me: “Oh, shush!”

    Should Be On Vacation In The Amazon

    | TX, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are on a road trip to Houston for spring break. We have a bunch of food and drinks in our laps. Suddenly the two lane road turns into a one way road and everything in my lap falls to the floor so I can’t step on the pedals.)

    Me: “Oh, my God, get it! Get it! We are going to crash!”

    Boyfriend: “I can’t reach. I love you. This wasn’t how I was expecting to go.”

    (The huge truck behind us rushes by and we have a few seconds of calm to get our heads back on straight.)

    Boyfriend: “Nothing like a near death experience to start off your first vacation in months.”

    Me: “Yeah… So, how were you expecting to go?”

    Boyfriend: “Death by snu-snu.”

    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 17

    | GA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m reading an article that was posted on Facebook by a friend:)

    Me: “Hey, honey, you’ve been helping defend me against cancer!”

    Husband: “How?”

    Me: “This study says that smelling farts can help prevent cancer!”

    Husband: “I told you about that article ages ago. And then you wouldn’t let me fart on you. I was just looking out for your health!”

    Me: “With your farts? I’ll go blind from the smell before I get cancer.”

    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 16
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 15
    Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 14

    Nothing As Dangerous As Technology Scorned

    | Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are driving into the city for lunch, and he has his phone on the dash for directions. He loves giving his phone voice commands.)

    Husband: “Okay, [Phone], turn off maps.”

    Phone: *randomly updates destination to somewhere else*

    Husband: “No! Cancel!”

    Phone: “There is nothing to cancel.”

    Husband: “What? No! Cancel!”

    Phone: *continues updating map*

    Husband: “Oh, f*** off!”

    Phone: “Calling, [My Name].”

    Husband: “What?! No!” *starts hitting the screen*

    Me: “What the h***? Why did your phone start calling me when you told it to f*** off?!”

    What To Expect When You’re Over-Expecting

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (In this story, I’m driving and my wife is pregnant. I am discussing a family vacation that my relatives didn’t plan out super well and asking about travel. My wife has a tendency to come up with the most hyperbolic statements and it never fails to amuse me. She is already a little moody this day.)

    Me: “So, I told him, you know, I am not sure that we can do it in that timeframe because we’re pregnant.”

    Wife: *teasing* “’We’?”

    Me: “I don’t know what you call it. What do you call it when someone in the relationship is pregnant?”

    Wife: *shrugs* “I don’t know. I’ve just been telling people that we’re expecting.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. That makes sense.”

    Wife: “Yeah, but, I don’t know. That seems kind of weird to say.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Wife: “Well, ‘expecting’ makes it sound like we have really high expectations. You know, like we’re expecting the baby to be born then immediately go, like, to medical school or something.”

    Me: *snickering*

    Wife: “What?! I’m just saying; it seems like you’re setting the bar kind of high.”

    Me: *smiling*

    Wife: “Stop laughing like I said something amusing!”

    Me: “You just said something that is totally ridiculous. Why would a baby go to medical school?”

    Wife: “That’s what I was saying! Don’t expect a baby to go to medical school when it’s a couple hours old. You know, manage your expectations.

    Me: *grinning* “You’re so funny.”

    Wife: *upset* “I’M NOT TRYING TO BE!”

    Me: *forcing smile to go away* “Okay, okay. I’m sorry; I promise that I won’t make our baby go to medical school.”

    Wife: *evil glare* “Fine.”

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