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    The Idiosyncrasies Of Idiocy

    | Milan, Italy | Dating

    (We are in my boyfriend’s car. After spending two days with our friends, he is driving me home because I have to work. After saying our goodbyes, I take his face in my hands and speak to him softly.)

    Me: “I really like you, even if you are an idiot. And you are an idiot.”

    (He moves to kiss me, and with his knee he accidentally turns on the radio. A rock song from the 90s starts playing.)

    Boyfriend: “Woah, did you see that? It was awesome! It was just like a TV show! I should work as a screenwriter.”

    Me: “An idiot.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

    Tons Of Eye-Candy

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are happily married, but are open minded and have a fairly relaxed ‘window shopping is okay’ policy; in fact, we often times point out attractive people to each other. Since I do most of the driving, though, conversations like this happen often.)

    Husband: “Oh, man, look at her/him!”

    Me: “Kinda can’t, babe.”

    Husband: “Aw, you missed it!”

    Me: “Yep, shame.”

    Husband: “Why don’t you ever look when I point someone out in the car?”

    Me: “I figured keeping the two-ton chunk of metal going 50 miles an hour from hitting another two-ton chunk of metal going 50 miles an hour was a little bit more important than eye-candy.”

    Husband: “…good point.”

    The Perks Of A Long Relationship

    | Hamburg, NY, USA |

    (My fiancée and I are in town to get married. We are both originally from here and both our families are here so we figured it would be easier to have the wedding here as well. We need to make multiple stops, including the Town Clerk to get the marriage license and her bank to close out her account as there’s not a branch within 500 miles of our new home. Then I have to drop her off at a restaurant with her mother so they can finish some last minute prep.)

    Fiancée: “Let’s get the license first, even though we’ll pass the bank first. Those girls usually aren’t perky until they’ve had their first cup of coffee, and since I’m closing out the account I want to make sure they’re as perky as they can be.”

    Me: “It’s always good to have perky girls first thing in the morning.”

    Fiancée: *death glare*

    Me: “Sweetheart, you’ve known me 16 years, and we’ve been together 5… You know that setup was too good to pass up.”

    Fiancée: “Fair enough.” *trying to not crack a smile*

    You’ve Made Your Bed…

    | IL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have a lot of wild sex and often turn innocuous conversations sexual. This day, we are on our way to a local steel manufacturer to pick up supplies with his truck.)

    Boyfriend: *to himself* “Let’s see, how much steel should we get… I have a six foot bed…”

    Me: *thinking he meant the bed we sleep in* “Are you planning on reinforcing it? It has been creaking and shifting a lot.”

    Boyfriend: “… I was talking about what I can fit in my truck bed.”

    Me: “Oh… Well, we had talking about making a steel head and footboard!”

    Boyfriend: “I love you.”

    Don’t Have Beef With The Vegetarians

    | SK, Canada | Engaged

    (We are driving past the university, which has a farm.)

    Fiancée: “What’s that smell?”

    Me: “Cows from the farm at the university.”

    Fiancée: “Why do they have cows?”

    Me: “For the veterinarians.”

    Fiancée: “Why would they have cows for vegetarians?!”

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