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    Elementary, My Dear Girlfriend

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (I am very observant, and know my girlfriend very well. We’re driving in the car and have a very short exchange.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, can we…” *trails off*

    Me: “What is it?”

    Girlfriend: “No… no. It’s nothing.”

    (I make some quick deductions, and then pull into the convenience store we were about to pass.)

    Girlfriend: “Wait… Why are we stopping here?”

    Me: “You’re hungry. I’m going to go grab you a [her favorite candy bar].”

    Girlfriend: “HOW did you know that’s what I wanted!?”

    Me: “I’ve told you before: I can read your mind. You want anything else while I’m in there?”

    Girlfriend: “I thought you just said you could read my mind?”

    Me: “Ah, good point.”

    (I came back out with the candy bar, AND her favorite soda. Which, yes, was what she was thinking about when she got sarcastic with me. She never doubted my ability to deduce her thoughts after that.)

    Bursting With Busting Love

    | Cupertino, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has just picked me up from home so we could go to his place for a movie marathon. We start talking about my large breast size. Even at 21, they’re still growing.)

    Me: “I love you with all my boobs! I’d say heart but my breasts are bigger.”

    Boyfriend: “Ha!”

    Me: “And I’ll love you even more as they get bigger!”

    Boyfriend: *slight gasp* “That… that actually sounded really romantic.”

    Maxi Pads, Ice Cream, And Shops – Oh My

    | USA | Dating

    (I’m currently driving my girlfriend home from the dentist because she just got her wisdom teeth out. She is still very woozy from the drugs.)

    Me: “So, how are you? Do you want me to get you a slushie or something?”

    Girlfriend: “I’m good. You’re like a maxi pad!”

    Me: *holding in laughter.* “A maxi pad? Why a maxi pad?”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah. Your name is Max, and you’re useful and necessary for me!”

    Me: *chuckling* “Oh. Well, then, thank you for the compliment.”

    Girlfriend: “Can we go shopping?”

    Me: “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea…”

    Girlfriend: “C’mon, you sissy, I’ll be fine!”

    Me: “You’re drooling.”

    Girlfriend: “Oooh, can we get ice cream at [Ice Cream Store]?

    Me: “Okay. That sounds better than shopping. Maybe we’ll go shopping tomorrow if you’re up to it.”

    Girlfriend: “Okay!”

    (She later recalled none of this, and thankfully the workers at the ice cream shop understood.)

    Crotchety Beats Cheeky

    | MT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have just picked up some things at the store, including some items with clearance stickers on them. He takes one out of the bag, carefully peels the sticker off, and then sticks it to my cheek.)

    Husband: “I declare you to be worth 48 cents.”

    Me: “Really? You seriously can’t believe you can put a price on all of this?!”

    (I gesture to myself dramatically.)

    Husband: “I believe I just did!”

    (I then take the sticker from my cheek and stick it to his crotch, smiling sweetly the entire time.)

    Husband: “Now that’s just rude…”

    Random In Tandem

    | WI, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancée and I are in the car, using a GPS with a custom voice that often says unique things.)

    GPS: “I like keeping things.”

    Fiancée: “I like keeping things, too!”

    Me: “I like keeping things, too. That’s why I keep you around.”

    Fiancée: “Yay!”

    Me: “Yep! You’re my favorite thing!”

    Fiancée: “Yay!”

    (A moment of silence passes between us.)

    Me: “And no, that doesn’t mean that you can have all my stuff.”

    Fiancée: “Okay, is it weird that you knew exactly what I was thinking?”

    Me: “Well, how long have we been together?”

    Fiancée: “I guess this means I’m just going to have to be even more random!”

    Me: “That is kind of terrifying, actually.”


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