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    Marriage Is Rock Solid

    | Estonia | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m getting a ride from a married couple I know, with the wife driving and husband giving directions. At one point it becomes clear that we’re going in the wrong direction.)

    Wife: “Why did you give us wrong directions, [Husband]?”

    Husband: “Well, why did you trust my directions? We’ve been married for 30 years. You should know by now that I’m dumb as a rock!”

    Blinded By Your Love

    | Schenectady, NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m in the car with my mom and her wife. We’re listening to a song which has the line ‘you’re the sun in my eyes’ in it.)

    Me: “I wouldn’t want someone to be the sun in my eyes. Now, that would just be annoying!”

    Mom’s Wife: *to my mom* “You’re just the sun in my life.”

    Me: “Aw, she gives you cancer.”

    Mom’s Wife: “Ozone-less sun.”

    Me: “Well, then, she’d just give you immediate cancer!”

    Mom’s Wife: “You know what I mean!”

    Elementary, My Dear Girlfriend

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (I am very observant, and know my girlfriend very well. We’re driving in the car and have a very short exchange.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, can we…” *trails off*

    Me: “What is it?”

    Girlfriend: “No… no. It’s nothing.”

    (I make some quick deductions, and then pull into the convenience store we were about to pass.)

    Girlfriend: “Wait… Why are we stopping here?”

    Me: “You’re hungry. I’m going to go grab you a [her favorite candy bar].”

    Girlfriend: “HOW did you know that’s what I wanted!?”

    Me: “I’ve told you before: I can read your mind. You want anything else while I’m in there?”

    Girlfriend: “I thought you just said you could read my mind?”

    Me: “Ah, good point.”

    (I came back out with the candy bar, AND her favorite soda. Which, yes, was what she was thinking about when she got sarcastic with me. She never doubted my ability to deduce her thoughts after that.)

    Bursting With Busting Love

    | Cupertino, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has just picked me up from home so we could go to his place for a movie marathon. We start talking about my large breast size. Even at 21, they’re still growing.)

    Me: “I love you with all my boobs! I’d say heart but my breasts are bigger.”

    Boyfriend: “Ha!”

    Me: “And I’ll love you even more as they get bigger!”

    Boyfriend: *slight gasp* “That… that actually sounded really romantic.”

    Maxi Pads, Ice Cream, And Shops – Oh My

    | USA | Dating

    (I’m currently driving my girlfriend home from the dentist because she just got her wisdom teeth out. She is still very woozy from the drugs.)

    Me: “So, how are you? Do you want me to get you a slushie or something?”

    Girlfriend: “I’m good. You’re like a maxi pad!”

    Me: *holding in laughter.* “A maxi pad? Why a maxi pad?”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah. Your name is Max, and you’re useful and necessary for me!”

    Me: *chuckling* “Oh. Well, then, thank you for the compliment.”

    Girlfriend: “Can we go shopping?”

    Me: “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea…”

    Girlfriend: “C’mon, you sissy, I’ll be fine!”

    Me: “You’re drooling.”

    Girlfriend: “Oooh, can we get ice cream at [Ice Cream Store]?

    Me: “Okay. That sounds better than shopping. Maybe we’ll go shopping tomorrow if you’re up to it.”

    Girlfriend: “Okay!”

    (She later recalled none of this, and thankfully the workers at the ice cream shop understood.)

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