(I have a crush on my best friend, but she considers herself asexual, so the relationship never came to be. Despite our just-friendship, my friends still want us to date, or, as they say, they ‘ship’ us.)

Me: “You know, ever since I told them about you, all my friends ship us.”

Best Friend: “How do they manage that when there’s an asexual involved?”

Me: “Never stopped the Sherlock fans.”

(My crush lives on the other side of the country. I only get to see him once a year when his family’s on vacation in my town. I run into him.)

Me: “Oh, hey! How’s it going?”

Crush: “Oh, hi!”

(This segues into both of us stammering for a while. It takes a full minute for either of us to form a coherent sentence.)

Me: “Uh, well, um, I’d better go pick up the girl I’m babysitting this afternoon.”

Crush: “Yeah, and… um… I’d better go iron my shoes.”

(Two friends of ours are getting married, and my boyfriend and I are sitting in one of the pews, chatting before the ceremony begins. We watch wrestling every once in a while as it’s something we both enjoyed heavily in our early childhoods.)

Me: “We should have a WWE-themed wedding.”

Boyfriend: *grins* “And before you walk down the aisle, fireworks will shoot out.”

Me: “And pyro. And I’ll have my theme song playing through the speakers while I run down the aisle and high-five everyone and flex my muscles.”

Boyfriend: “And your dress can be the Hulk Hogan colors, red and yellow.”

Me: “And the guests will wear Lucha Libre masks.”

Boyfriend: “The bridesmaids can wear Lucha Libre masks. And everyone in the wedding gets their own theme song. My dad can come out to ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin’s theme.”

Me: “We’re going to have to rent out an arena for our wedding. So we can get married in the ring.”

Boyfriend: “Yes! And the minister will be a referee. A microphone can come down from the ceiling and he’ll be all like…” *clears throat* “Let’s get ready for wedlock!”

Me: “Instead of wedding bands, we’ll have [friend] make us championship belts.”

(Note: there’s a friend of my side of the family who’s a goldsmith.)

Boyfriend: “Definitely. And instead of kissing, we’ll just tag each other in and the referee will hold up our arms as they sound the bell.”

(We’re both sitting there trying to muffle our giggles, because it has gotten quiet in the church.)

Boyfriend: *hushed* “I love you.”

Me: *whispers* “We’re awesome.”

(I’m in a Bible study class. Among the class is a couple who are retired, happily married 30+ years, and with grown children. We are discussing fear of death.)

Husband: “I’m not afraid of dying. I’ve had a long life. Things will be fine
here without me. And, I have a will.”

Wife: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”