(An elderly couple comes up to the public desk at a newspaper office.)

Wife: “I’d like to put in an announcement about our 50th anniversary.”

Me: “How wonderful that you and your husband have been together for so long! It’s very sad that my generation doesn’t seem to put as much work into staying married as yours did.”

(She looks sourly at her husband, sitting over in the corner immersed in a magazine, then back at me.)

Wife: “Well, it’s because you young ladies today are educated and can do for yourselves. You don’t have to put up with the s*** I’ve had to for 50 years!”

(I shut right up, and tell her the announcement will be in the Sunday paper.)

(My two coworkers have been dating a few years.)

Guy Coworker: “Appreciating coffee is one of the three best things I’ve gotten since working here.”

(The girlfriend looks up and smiles.)

Guy Coworker: “But number one is definitely health insurance!”

(My boyfriend and I are huge science geeks. We are texting as I wait for him to pick me up.)

Boyfriend: “So, I have a serious and science-y question for you.”

Me: *confused* “Okay?”

Boyfriend: “Tungsten Iodine Lithium Lithium-Yttrium Oxygen Uranium-Magnesium Gold Radon Radon Yttrium- Magnesium Erbium.”

(He does this as a joke a lot, so I start decoding.)

Me: “Okay, this makes no sense, but is it: Wilili You Mgaurnrny Me?”

Boyfriend: “I forgot to tell you that its first letter only.”

(I start decoding again.)

Me: “Makes some sense, so is it: Till You Mgrry Me?”

Boyfriend: “I meant the symbol, sorry.”

(I start decoding again and I see him start to drive up the driveway. When I finish decoding I start crying. My boyfriend comes out of the car and reads his message he sent me.)

Boyfriend: “Will You Marry Me?”

Me: “Yes!”

Related:
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 7
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 6
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 5
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 4
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 3
Chemically Imbalanced, Part 2
Chemically Imbalanced

(I am divorced, and wish to remarry. My new fiancé and I are at the register office, declaring our intent to marry. As part of this, we have to answer certain legal questions – including whether my previous marriage ended because of divorce, or because of death.)

Superintendant registrar: *to my fiancé* “And how did [my name]‘s previous marriage end?”

Fiancé: “Badly.”

(I’ve recently started dating a coworker. We communicate throughout the work day using an IM program. I’m away from my desk when he asks a question about movie and dinner plans we have for later. For reference, there are a lot of wildfires nearby and, being in a valley, it’s been smoky for a few weeks.)

Boyfriend: “What time is this dinner happening?”
Boyfriend: “Does [friend] know I’m coming?”
Boyfriend: “Will there be enough meat?”

(At this point, he realizes I’m not there at the moment.)

Boyfriend: “Why is there so much smoke?”
Boyfriend: “What causes waves?”
Boyfriend: “What happens when we die?”

(10 minutes later, I get back to my desk and find this list of increasingly silly questions. Naturally, I try to answer them all.)

Me: “Dinner’s at 6, and he knows you’re coming.”
Me: “The atmosphere is breaking down and it’s causing smoke from space to steep into our air.”
Me: “Giant squids. They cause waves.”
Me: “When I die, I’m going to be reincarnated as a unicorn. You… we’re undetermined as of yet. Maybe a goat.”
Me: And most importantly, there will be enough meat.”