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    Happy When Stoned

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (I’ve just recently become engaged.)

    Boss: “Gee, suddenly you’re the happiest girl in the world.”

    Me: “I was always the happiest girl in the world. Now I’ve just got the diamond to prove it.”

    The Outcome Was Shiny

    | Germany | Flirting/How We Met

    (I have been trying to hit on a cute coworker for some weeks now, but she seems not to mention anything. As I’m very shy I’m not sure how to ask her directly but want to give it a try.)

    Me: “Uhm… [Coworker]?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, what is it?”

    Me: “Uhm… I… just asked myself if… Uhm… I want to know…”

    (At that point I feel that I’m blushing and that I’m about to start talking nonsense or about my nerdy hobbies.)

    Me: “If this was the Serenity and we were about to land on a planet would you like to hang out with me?”

    (I’m shocked about what I said and my cute coworker looks puzzled and then starts to laugh.)

    Coworker:Firefly to hit on me? Never heard something that geeky, stupid, and still cute. Yes, I want to go out with you.”

    (After that she started to call me ‘Wash’ and we’ve been dating for five months!)

    They Work All Night To Get Lucky

    | OR, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Top

    (I recently started a new job. I’m currently working evening shift, taking my lunch. The morning crew is starting to head home.)

    Coworker: *walking into the break room to grab her things* “Oh, hey. Late lunch?”

    Me: “Yep. Busy day.”

    Coworker: “Ah, well. Have fun. See you later!”

    (She starts to walk away.)

    Me: “Yeah, if you’re lucky!”

    (She stops in her tracks and turns to eye me suspiciously.)

    Coworker: “You’ve got to be pretty confident to pull off a line like that.”

    Me: *shrugs*

    Coworker: *sighs* “I wish I was cool enough to say something like that!”

    Me: “Well, maybe one day you can achieve my level of coolness.”

    Coworker: “I can only hope!” *laughs* “All right. I’m really leaving this time!”

    Me: “Okay. See ya!”

    Coworker: *whips her head around* “IF YOU’RE LUCKY!”

    (She storms off proudly, and I hear her say, ‘HAH!’ as the door shuts behind her. I am impressed for a moment before she scrambles back in, grabs her bag, then runs off again, this time tripping before slamming the door shut. That clever klutz is currently my girlfriend.)

    When Your Ex Does A Real Job On You

    | New York, NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (Several years ago I started seeing a guy I met online. We only dated a couple months, but had been talking about working together right before our breakup. We went ahead with that, to great success. Years later, we’re in our company’s office, talking with a colleague. He’s also a friend of my ex’s/business partner’s, and has just gone through a breakup himself.)

    Friend: “So, yeah. I think I’m ready to start dating again.”

    My Ex: “Really? Good for you.”

    Friend: “Yeah. I’m even considering doing the online dating thing, but I don’t know how well it’d work. Have either you guys ever done that?”

    My Ex & Me: “Uh… yeah.”

    Friend: “Really? You did? How well did it work?”

    Me: *gesturing to my ex* “Well, it’s how I met this guy. So, I can’t say it worked for dating but it was a great job hunting tool!”

    Beauty And The Beast

    | USA | Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My coworker is a really beautiful twenty-something, so she always has the male coworkers chasing after her, even the married ones, and she’s married herself. She’s really smart and down to earth, and her job is very difficult, but she does it well. She’s always teaming up with the boss. One day the boss’s wife comes in.)

    Boss’s Wife: “I’m looking for my husband, [boss's name.]”

    Coworker: “Oh, he should be in his office; shall I call him?”

    Boss’s Wife: “Yes.”

    (Just then, the boss comes over.)

    Boss: *nervously* “Oh, hi dear!”

    Boss’s Wife: “Hi.” * to beautiful coworker* “I don’t think we’ve met; what’s your name?”

    Coworker: *holds out hand* “It’s [name]; nice to meet—”

    Boss’s Wife: *to boss* “[Name]? This is [name]?!”

    Boss: “Er…”

    Boss’s Wife: “You said she was a 49-year-old hag!”

    (We all watch, stifling laughter, as the boss’s wife chases him around the office, bopping him on the head with a rolled up paper!)


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