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  • This Future Time It Worked
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  • Not Quite The Creamed Corn Of The Crop

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Dating

    Coworker: *on phone to her girlfriend* “Do you want soup?” *pause* “Creamed corn is not soup. It’s corn. With Cream.”

    Daisy’s Gone Crazy

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Dating

    (I’m at work, trying to entertain my boyfriend over Facebook chat while he is on a long road-trip.)

    Me: *typing out altered lyrics to the song Daisy Bell* “Baby, baby, tell me your answer do. I’m half crazy, all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage…”

    Boyfriend: “Heh, cute.”

    Me: “But you’d look sweet, upon the seat of a bicycle made from the decaying flesh of mortals, as we ride our way through the underworld into the heart of Hell itself.”

    (I pause for effect.)

    Me: “…and then we BLOW IT UP!”

    Boyfriend: “Aww!”

    Me, My Wife, And I

    | Boston, MA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I got married a few days ago, and had surgery about four days after. My new husband goes to my workplace to give them my doctor’s note saying I can’t come in. The following takes place between my husband and my manager.)

    Husband: “Hi, I’m [My Name]‘s wife… er…”

    Manager: “Husband?”

    Husband: “Yes, husband. I’m her husband. [My Name] is my wife…”

    Will Face A Storm When He Gets Home

    | The Netherlands | Dating

    (It’s morning, my boyfriend and I are at my home, getting ready for work.)

    Me: *looking at weather app on tablet* “Oooh! It’s going to be so hot out today!”

    Boyfriend: “Indeed it is!”

    (We drive to the company where we both work, with my folding bike in the back seat, so we can both go our ways at the end of the day, he by car and I by bike. An hour later…)

    Me: “Wow, this weather site announces huge rainfall and chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon! And I have no coat with me!”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I knew.”

    Me: “You knew, but didn’t tell me?”

    Boyfriend: “Uhm…”

    Party To A Great Relationship

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Dating

    Coworker: “My girlfriend’s out of town, so I’ve had the place to myself for a week.”

    Me: “Oh really? Wow. Party at your place!”

    Coworker: “She’d probably be more upset that she missed it than anything else.”

    Me: “And do you know what we call a girl like that? A keeper.”

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