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    Thirty Years Of Good Advice

    | Ireland | Advice, Marriage & Partners

    (I work as a receptionist at a therapy centre. One of our physical therapists has a regular client who is an elderly man from near my hometown, so we hit it off from day one. I got married recently, so was away for two weeks. When I come back…)

    Client: “Well, how are you now?”

    Me: “I’m good, [Client], how are you?”

    Client: “Ah, not too bad now. How’s married life?”

    Me: *tired of this question but unable to get annoyed with him* “You know, it’s no different if I’m honest. Just, everyone asks that.”

    Client: “Ach, well, just remember: The first thirty years are the hardest.”

    (If I’m honest, that was probably the best marriage advice I got from anyone…)

    Gunning For Love

    | NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I work together. Our office is in a building surrounded by retail stores that are often the subject of protests. These protests usually involve a huge inflatable rat placed outside the store and the protesters constantly blowing a police whistle, and intimidating and shouting abuse at the store employees and customers while passing out fliers. The loud noise often makes it difficult to concentrate while working, even all the way up on the 10th floor where our office is. One of these protests is taking place across the street from my office window, and my husband and I are watching.)

    Husband: “Jeez. Why don’t the police stop this?”

    Me: “I’m sure they have a permit, and they have every right in the world to do what they’re doing.”

    (We continue watch the scene, and the inflatable rat swaying in the wind.)

    Husband: *thoughtfully* “You know what I wish I had right now?”

    Me: *without skipping a beat* “A BB gun.”

    (He doesn’t respond, and I look over at him to find he’s staring at me with a huge grin and an expression of pride on his face.)

    Husband: “That’s why I f****** love you.”

    In The Heat Of The Night

    | IL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Our old-fashioned waterbed heater shorts out in the ‘on’ position. Consequently, it starts burning the wood support. Luckily, my husband sees the smoke just as it is beginning, wakes me, and does everything necessary to extinguish the fire, safely remove the heater, and drain the water mattress. He also has to call into work to explain why he will be late. When he walks into work a few hours later, he is greeted with:)

    Coworkers: “Here’s [Husband]. The last of the red hot lovers.”

    When I Look Into Your Eyes, I Don’t See Metal

    | Eagan, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just gotten back from lunch and I email my husband.)

    Me: “Honey! I was just listening to heavy metal in the car!”

    Husband: “Firehouse is NOT heavy metal.”

    (It was Firehouse.)

    Cheesy Interior Decorating

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m at work and debating whether to go to my dance class afterwards and text my husband.)

    Me: “Couch, pizza, and hubby sound much more appealing. In fact swap that couch for bed and I think I’m sold.”

    Husband: “Couch pizza, or bed pizza are new. Do they make them from couches or beds or do they make them to look like them?”


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