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  • They Met On The Bleach, Part 2
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    Beware Of Boyfriends Bearing Bear Gifts

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Dating

    (I meet a guy through a popular online dating website. We meet up for coffee, ‘clicked,’ and had a great time. Unfortunately around the time we meet, I am getting ready to travel out of state for six weeks. We exchange cell phone numbers and text regularly about life, silly stuff, and our mutual enjoyment of cute animals. We also exchange flirty, though not terribly explicit, texts that hint at all the fun we will have when I get back.)

    Guy: “I could always help you out with that. If you ever need someone to be helpful with the taking care of yourself.”

    Me: “Oooooh, yes. How will I ever find a way to repay you for helping me?”

    Guy: “I’m sure we can come up with something. I enjoy many forms of being helped.”

    Me: “I can’t wait to get back.”

    Guy: “No, wait. I KNOW! I WANT A BABY POLAR BEAR!”

    Me: “…”

    Guy: “IT’S SO CUTE! YOU HAVE TO SEE IT.”

    (When I got back, I gave him a little stuffed polar bear, but told him that he wasn’t allowed to be distracted by it when we’re being intimate. We started dating, and have been together for two years. So far no polar bears have interrupted our ‘helping’ of each other.)

    Not A Magical Movie Ending

    | Singapore | Dating

    (I have had left the office with my boyfriend who has come to pick me up. I enjoy Hindi movies while my boyfriend loathes them. I’ve been feeling rather down because I screwed up at work. My boyfriend has been trying to cheer me up, to no avail.)

    Me: “You know what would really cheer me up right now and make me feel better?”

    Boyfriend: “What?”

    Me: “A nice Hindi movie that’s just been released in the theatres. We can go catch it now and I’ll feel better.”

    Boyfriend: *considering the idea* “Will it really cheer you up?”

    Me: “Yeah. A Hindi movie would cheer me up right now.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, there’s no way in h*** you’ll get me to watch a Hindi movie! I hope you enjoy being miserable.”

    (Nonetheless, his comment made me laugh and surprisingly made me feel better!)

    To Be Beside The Seedy Side

    | Tasmania, Australia | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are sitting on a pier looking into the water. I see what I think is a weedy sea dragon, which is a type of seahorse. I can sometimes be a bit dyslexic with my words.)

    Boyfriend: “Look, a fish!”

    Me: “No, that’s a seedy wee dragon.”

    (My boyfriend just looks at me.)

    Me: “… I did not mean to say that.”

    How To Make Angry Birds

    | Irvine, CA, USA | Dating

    (We’re walking back to the car after a nice dinner.)

    Me: “Hey there, lovebird. You’re a pretty bird! Does the pretty bird sing pretty songs?”

    Girlfriend: “KAWWWWWWWWW!”

    Me: “…nope.”

    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 18

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Dating, Themed Giveaway

    (My boyfriend and I have the same odd sense of humour. In the first month of our relationship he says he wants to show me something.)

    Me: “So, where are you taking me exactly?”

    (My boyfriend takes my hand and leans into to whisper in my ear.)

    Boyfriend: “To where I hide the bodies.”

    Me: “…so am I a victim or an accomplice?”

    (A few months later, we’re driving out of the parkade attached to his apartment. It’s very creepy with flickering lights and plenty of places to hide.)

    Me: “You know, this would make an ideal setting for a horror film. Imagine some scantily clad actress running around screaming. Then when she turns a corner, the ax murderer is standing right underneath one of those lights.”

    (My boyfriend looks directly at me with wide eyes and a huge toothy grin as he steers around a sharp corner.)

    Boyfriend: “It’s also a great place to hide a body.”

    Me: “…I still don’t know whether I’m the victim or the accomplice here.”

    Related:
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 17
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 16
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 15
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 14
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 13
    The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 12


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