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    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 12

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating, Zombies

    (I am out picking blueberries with my girlfriend and another friend.)

    Friend: “Make sure you quality check those berries. Don’t want any shriveled up dead ones.”

    Girlfriend: “Hey, those shriveled up dead ones need love too. Who will love me when I am shriveled up and dead?”

    Friend: “Zombies?”

    Girlfriend: “I can live with that.”

    Related:
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 11
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 10
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 9

    Bottom Is The Buzz Word

    | MA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking in the woods. There are numerous mosquitoes, and I’m swatting at them.)

    Me: “If you see a mosquito land on me, please slap it.”

    (My boyfriend immediately looked behind me at my bottom.)

    Ninja Witch

    | Germany | Dating

    (I’m sitting by a lake with the guy I like. We start kidding around and I eventually grab his bandana, pretend to put it on the ground behind my back and then move my hands back in front of me, still holding the bandana.)

    Him: “Hey, I saw that! Give it back!”

    (He starts to feel around the ground behind my back, trying to get it back. I quickly toss it back to where it was. He sits back up, looking at me, puzzled.)

    Him: “Where the heck is my bandana?”

    (I point at it, lying about three feet away from me. He grabs it.)

    Him: “Girl, are you a witch or what?”

    Me: *laughing* “Nope. I just pretended to drop that thing behind my back, and when you were trying to get it back I put it back there!”

    Him: *suddenly proud* “You’re not a witch. You’re a ninja. That’s awesome.”

    Mentally Healthier To Blame Someone Else

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend has schizophrenia, which causes her to believe her inconsequential actions will make bad things happen to others. She’s part of a mental health stand-up group, so we often use humour to help manage those thoughts. We’re walking down the street one day when we hear an ambulance siren.)

    Girlfriend: *shrinking into herself* “I hope I didn’t cause that….”

    Me: *puts an arm around her* “Oh, don’t worry sweetie; I’m sure it was someone ELSE with schizophrenia that caused it.”

    A New Scale Of Understanding Each Other

    | Houston, TX, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I just had dinner with his family at a BBQ restaurant, and we leave to take a walk in the park. We end up making out.)

    Me: *burps a little while we are making out* “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess the BBQ isn’t settling.”

    Boyfriend: “It’s okay. I give that one a three.”


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