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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • The Recipe Is Out

    | USA | Dating

    (I’m hanging out with my best friend, his brother, and his girlfriend. The conversation topic turns to plans for the evening.)

    Best Friend: “I’m excited, because [Girlfriend] is teaching me how to make pretzels tonight.”

    Friend’s Brother: *in a loud whisper* “Yeah, that’s not the only thing they’ll be making tonight.”

    Me: “Like what?”

    Friend’s Brother: “They’ll probably be making a little-known recipe called ‘out.’”

    Friend’s Girlfriend: “Making ou— Really?”

    Best Friend: “Well, he’s not lying.”

    A Lot Of Inappropriate Content In The Cloud

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Dating

    (While enjoying a relaxing date by lounging in the grass at a local park, the two of us have started staring at the sky.)

    Me: “There’s one of the seaplanes.”

    Girlfriend: “Let’s find shapes in the clouds! That one kinda looks like a big mushroom.”

    Me: “Hmm… yeah.” *pointing to a cloud* “And that one over there kinda looks like a seahorse.”

    Girlfriend: *pointing at the same cloud* “Look, a PENIS!”

    (She proceeded to giggle madly for ten minutes and now enjoys sending me seahorse related gifts.)

    Growing To New Heights Of Gullibility

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (My boyfriend’s family lives in a more affluent part of town. We are on a walk around his neighbourhood.)

    Boyfriend: “You know houses in [Neighbourhood] can’t have grass past a certain height?”

    Me: “Really? That’s kind of ridiculous.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, if you have your grass taller than four centimetres, you have to cut it.”

    Me: “How would you even police that?”

    Boyfriend: “Volunteers go around with rulers to measure everyone’s lawns.”

    Me: “Seriously? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

    (My boyfriend goes silent and when I look over at him he is grinning smugly.)

    Me: “Oh, shut up!”

    First Dates Should Put You In Good Spirits

    | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Dating

    (I am on a date with a guy I have met on a dating site, and we end up talking about some of the mishaps we’ve had with people we’ve met online.)

    Him: “So, who was the weirdest person you met online?”

    Me: “A guy who told me a day after meeting me that he could see spirits.”

    Him: “Woah, seriously?”

    Me: “Yeah, he told me it runs in his family, and all I could think was, ‘so does mental illness…’”

    Lucky Crumbly Guess

    | Belgium | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I think very much alike. We often say that we are psychic if we say things at the same time.)

    Me: “I actually am a real psychic, but I never read your mind so I wouldn’t freak you out.”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, sure. So, what am I thinking about?”

    Me: *guessing* “Chocolate chip cookies.”

    Girlfriend: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “Now you’re thinking of baking them with your mom because she makes the best ones.”

    Girlfriend: *after a moments silence* “How did you do that?”

    Me: “I told you didn’t I?”

    (To this day she tells people I’m psychic.)


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