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  • They’ve Both Joined The Dark Side
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    Growing To New Heights Of Gullibility

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (My boyfriend’s family lives in a more affluent part of town. We are on a walk around his neighbourhood.)

    Boyfriend: “You know houses in [Neighbourhood] can’t have grass past a certain height?”

    Me: “Really? That’s kind of ridiculous.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, if you have your grass taller than four centimetres, you have to cut it.”

    Me: “How would you even police that?”

    Boyfriend: “Volunteers go around with rulers to measure everyone’s lawns.”

    Me: “Seriously? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

    (My boyfriend goes silent and when I look over at him he is grinning smugly.)

    Me: “Oh, shut up!”

    First Dates Should Put You In Good Spirits

    | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Dating

    (I am on a date with a guy I have met on a dating site, and we end up talking about some of the mishaps we’ve had with people we’ve met online.)

    Him: “So, who was the weirdest person you met online?”

    Me: “A guy who told me a day after meeting me that he could see spirits.”

    Him: “Woah, seriously?”

    Me: “Yeah, he told me it runs in his family, and all I could think was, ‘so does mental illness…’”

    Lucky Crumbly Guess

    | Belgium | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I think very much alike. We often say that we are psychic if we say things at the same time.)

    Me: “I actually am a real psychic, but I never read your mind so I wouldn’t freak you out.”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, sure. So, what am I thinking about?”

    Me: *guessing* “Chocolate chip cookies.”

    Girlfriend: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “Now you’re thinking of baking them with your mom because she makes the best ones.”

    Girlfriend: *after a moments silence* “How did you do that?”

    Me: “I told you didn’t I?”

    (To this day she tells people I’m psychic.)

    Ex-pelliarmus

    | England, UK | Exes/Old Flames

    (I’m talking properly to my ex for the first time after our breakup a few months ago. He’s worried about a lot of things, including his future and education. When we were together, I had a habit of referencing Harry Potter in almost every conversation.)

    Me: “Look, you don’t have to go to university to be successful. Look at Harry Potter. He didn’t even stay in full time education until he was 18, and he ended up saving the wizarding world!”

    (There is a moment’s silence.)

    Ex: “You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    How To Get Someone’s Digits

    | Hyderabad, India | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are walking down a street.)

    Girlfriend: *points to a car* “That car is so binary.

    Me: *confused* “What do you mean?”

    Girlfriend: “Look at the license plate, it says ’10101.’”

    Me: “Do you know what that is in decimal?”

    Girlfriend: “21.”

    Me: “Marry me.”


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