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    Giving Birth To Reason

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My husband and I are at a restaurant, sharing with family members the news that we’re expecting our first child.)

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, so do you know what hospital you’re going to deliver at?”

    Me: “No, not a hospital. We’re doing a home water birth. Much lower key and all of that.”

    Male Relative #1: *perplexed* “[Husband], are you ok with this?”

    Husband: “Sure, I’m fine with it. It means I get to sit on my own couch and [My Name] will be more comfortable.”

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, yeah! Nice!”

    Male Relative #2: “Really? I think I would have a problem if my wife wanted to do that.”

    Husband: “I learned years ago that you don’t tell a grown woman what to do with her body.”

    (Most of his family laughs, and his female relatives give him approving looks and thumbs-ups.)

    Male Relative #2: *shrugs* “Okay, whatever. I’m just saying that if it were me, I think I would have a problem with it.”

    Husband: “And that’s why you’re single.”

    (And that’s why I married him!)

    Sleeping On The Job

    | OH, USA | Dating, Top

    (My boyfriend and I haven’t had a date in a while, so he takes me out for fancy coffees and dinner. It should be noted that I make and sell products online and he is my marketing partner. As we are served our coffees and waiting for our food, the following takes place.)

    Me: *holding his hands across the table* “It’s so nice to be out with you. Thank you for this.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, it’s a nice treat!”

    Me: *checking my email on my phone* “Oh! I got another order.”

    Boyfriend: “I should really start on your online store when we get home.”

    Me: “Yeah, I hate getting charged twenty cents through [Online Store] every time my products re-list.”

    Boyfriend: “Twenty cents?! Every time?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s set to auto-renew every listing when someone buys something. So… BAM!… twenty cents every time I sell something.”

    (Our food arrives, but he ignores his burger and pulls up the calculator app on his phone.)

    Boyfriend: “So if you sell [#] products, you get charged [$], when you can just have your own website and sell from there.”

    Me: “Exactly! But since I already have my own website, but it’s not for my products, can you make a different facet just for my store? One that you don’t have to go through my main website to get to?”

    Boyfriend: “I can make a whole new website, and if you pay for the whole year upfront, you’ll get three free vouchers for online advertising.”

    Me: *pauses and laughs* “Is this a date, or a business meeting?”

    Boyfriend: “That depends on what happens when we go home…”

    Me: “Oh, I’ll sleep with you… which, I guess, makes it a date.”

    Boyfriend: “And you get three advertising vouchers out of it!”

    Me: “…and that would make me a prostitute!”

    Dumb But Not Blind

    | BC, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are having a discussion which turns into a mild disagreement. Later he agreed that he was being dumb.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re giving me that ‘I’m being really dumb’ look face.”

    Me: *stares blankly*

    Boyfriend: “You’re giving it to me again.”

    If Batman Had A Little Sister

    | USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I’m on a first date at a nice little place, just chatting with the guy I’m out with, when he clears his throat a little. He also is friends with my older brother.)

    Him: “So… ah… [Older Brother] found out we were going out tonight and called me.”

    Me: “Yeah… He did text me something to that effect today. Something about him being in every shadow?”

    Him: “Yep.”

    Me: “He also says ‘he is vengeance; he is the night,’ by the way.”

    Their Happy Marriage Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I are regulars at a restaurant next to our apartment. We’re becoming good friends with the staff and other regulars. I’m there on the 14th of February, reading and having some wine.)

    Staff #1: “[My Name], where’s your husband?”

    Me: “I… don’t know. I think he might be in the gym still.”

    Staff #2: “He should be here with you!”

    Me: “I’m sure I’ll see him later. I’m bound to – we live together, you know.”

    Staff #3: “But… it’s Valentine’s Day! How can he not be here?”

    Me: “Seriously, guys, [Husband] is the love of my life, and I know that I am his. That’s what’s important. I didn’t even reflect over the fact that its Valentine’s Day when he said he was going to the gym. I’m happy here, with you guys. And my book.”

    Staff #3: *shaking his head* “You’ve been married for so long. When are you going to get all bitter? It’s more fun that way.”


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