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    A (Past) Tense Situation

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is not enthusiastic about birthdays or gift-giving, while I love both. We’ve been dating for almost a year, but we met on a popular dating website.)

    Me: “Unfortunately for you, I’ll remember when your birthday is. If you didn’t want me to, you shouldn’t have made it part of your username.”

    Boyfriend: “What username?”

    Me: “On [dating site].”

    Boyfriend: “Oh. I don’t even remember what your username was…”

    Me: *sarcastic* “Well, I can understand that, what with the hundreds of girls you were talking to every day.”

    Boyfriend: “What do you mean, ‘were’?”

    Imperfect Harmony

    | PA, USA | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (My girlfriend and I are getting take away and she sees a pretty girl…)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, did you see that pretty girl?”

    Me: “Yeah, the one wearing the blue skirt?”

    Girlfriend: “Yes, she was really pretty but then she turned around and I saw that she was smoking.”

    Me: “Well, you can’t have everything. She would have been too perfect. We need to have balance in this world.”

    Girlfriend: “Well, she was doing a stink face. So she isn’t perfect.”

    Me: “Well, she could always, smile… How about you? You always do that stink face that you do—”

    Girlfriend: “But I look good in my stink face.”

    Me: “So you’re saying you’re perfect, then?”

    Girlfriend: “No…”

    Me: “So, how do you balance out being perfect?”

    Girlfriend: “I have you!”

    Can’t Be Sick Of You If I Tried

    | Maugansville, MD, USA | Dating

    (I have frequent seizures due to a medical problem that has not been diagnosed yet. I’m due to go to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland. My boyfriend had a twin sister who had a seizure that caused a heart attack which resulted in her death.)

    Boyfriend: “I promise I’ll see you everyday and bring you flowers and hold you as long as they let me.”

    Me: *not wanting to bring up his sister; as it is a very touchy subject I try to talk around it* “I’ll be in here for two weeks at minimum, [Boyfriend]. That’s at least a four hour drive here and back.”

    Boyfriend: “You mean that much to me. I don’t mind.”

    Me: “But—”

    Boyfriend: “My sister died from a seizure. I didn’t visit her once because I couldn’t bear to see her like that. She died and I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her. I’m not losing you too. I’ll be here everyday as long as they let me.”

    (Twelve years later and he proposed!)

    Socially Unacceptable

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are out to dinner. He’s telling me a story about a call he went on while he was working as an EMT, earlier in the day.)

    Boyfriend: “I went on a call for a little old man. He seemed really excited to see us and really chatted us up while we were there. His wife died a couple years ago and he seemed totally lost and lonely without her, like he didn’t know what to do. She was his whole life.”

    (I think this is sad but sweet and expect my boyfriend to go into a ‘You’re my whole life’ speech. Instead…)

    Boyfriend: “…that’s why I want us to have full social lives outside of each other when we’re married. You know, friends and hobbies and stuff. If you die first, I don’t want to be lost and lonely all the time.”

    Me: *shocked* “Well, I hope you’d be too devastated to worry about your social life.”

    Boyfriend: *covering* “Oh, of course! But, you know, after a couple years, I wouldn’t still want to be at my house alone all the time.” *realizing he’s not winning any points* “Well, I’d hope the same thing for you! If I died first I wouldn’t want you to be bored all the time.”

    (I couldn’t get him to understand why I didn’t think that was a romantic sentiment! This past year I married the love of my life — which was not him. My husband has assured me he’d be totally and utterly devastated if I died and would not be concerned about his social life. He still randomly brings this story up in disbelief and gets mad at my ex for me!)

    Lets Get Engaged, Whatever

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Dating, Engaged

    (I’ve admittedly become a bit engagement crazed, and talking to my boyfriend about it.)

    Me: “Wouldn’t it be great if at Christmas we could announce that we’re engaged?”

    Boyfriend: “Could be Christmas. Could be sooner.”

    Me: “Wait. What?!”

    Boyfriend: “Or next year. Whenever.”


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