• A Lying Formula
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    Has A Hand In Your Nerdism

    | CT, USA | Dating

    (On one of our first dates, my boyfriend read my palms and sort of showed me how to do it. It is a month and a half later.)

    Me: “Remember that time you showed me how to read palms?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, why?”

    Me: “Give me your hand; I want to try.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay, let’s see how you do.” *he puts his palm in my hand*

    Me: “See this line here? It means you’re a nerd.”

    Weighing His Options

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have just finished eating sushi and the topic of weight has come up.)

    Me: “What would you do if I gained a really big amount of weight?”

    Boyfriend: “I’d gain an obscene amount of weight, too, to be annoying.”

    Me: “No, you see, the correct answer is that you’d still love me but exercise with me so I could be healthy again.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay, but I think I’d just poke you with a stick to see if you rolled over.”


    Sweet Sixty-een

    | Westminster, CO, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am a 16-year-old girl. I work at a breakfast diner as a hostess. I am sweeping the floors when I noticed an elderly gentleman sitting in a booth, looking at me and twitching the whole left side of his face. We get a lot of elderly customers with health problems and I figure he is one of these customers and decide to be polite and not stare at him. After about 20 minutes, the man comes up to pay his bill.)

    Me: “How was everything today, sir?”

    Customer: “Why don’t you like me?”

    Me: “…Pardon me, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been winking at you the whole time I have been here and you have been ignoring me!”

    Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “Oh, I am sorry, sir. I was focused on cleaning the floors so that I could go home. Was this going to be it for you today? Would you like to purchase a slice of one of our award winning pies?”

    Customer: “Are you married?”

    Me: “…Sir, I’m sixteen.”

    Customer: “I got married at your age. It was awful. I should have been swinging with all the ladies and having a good time! I am making up for it now though!”

    (The customer pays his bill and winks at me again.)

    Customer: “See you later, dolly!”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: *shudders* “No. Nope. That didn’t happen. Ew.”

    Trying To Relight Their Relationship

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex recently broke up with me, but we are still dating to see if we can work things out. We are out to eat, and the candle at our table blows out.)

    Ex: “Oh, no! Hurry up and relight it, before it becomes a metaphor!”

    My Big Fat Greek Italian

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are out to dinner at my favorite Greek place and I’m expressing my love for all things Greek:)

    Me: “I think it’s just because I grew up in a Greek neighborhood. The food, the culture, the language – it’s all so amazing.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, did you know that I’m part Greek?”

    Me: “Oh really? That’s actually pretty cool. What side of your family?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh… uh… my mom?”

    Me: “Babe, are you just saying that so you seem hotter?”

    Boyfriend: “Um… yeah… but I’m Italian. That counts right?”

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