• Love Is In The Airborne
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Marriage Can Be Taxing

    | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (During a day trip to the boardwalk, my husband and I are discussing where to eat dinner.)

    Husband: “How about [Sushi House]?”

    Me: “I don’t know… It’s pretty expensive there.”

    Husband: “It’s only a little more than it is at [Sushi House Back Home.]”

    Me: “It’s about half-again as expensive.”

    Husband: “It’s not that bad. Let’s go, and I’ll prove it.”

    (Later at the sushi house…)

    Husband: *looking over the menu* “The [appetizer] is $9. That’s not too bad. How much is it at [Sushi House Back Home?]”

    Me: “Six.”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “Half-again as expensive.”

    Husband: “Well, we’ll just call it a ‘beach’ tax.”

    Me: “How about we call it a ‘[Husband] doesn’t listen’ tax?”

    Husband: *joking* “That’s not a real tax!”

    Me: *deadpan* “Then, why have I been paying it for ten years?”

    Cracking Down On Bad First Dates

    | UT, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I recently reconnect with an old high school friend. He asks me out on a date so we can catch up. I agree, and everything is going great. We live in a really religious community, so we are laughing about something our neighbors said.)

    Me: “Haha, yeah, they think you’re quite the rebel for having a beer.”

    Him: “They think that’s rebellious? They don’t even know about my crack habit!”

    (I laugh because I think he’s joking, but then I realize…)

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Him: “Yeah, I got offered some back when I was in college, and it was really great.”

    Me: “Haha… okay.”

    (Who tells someone about a crack habit on the first date?)

    Don’t Write Fake Flipping Checks

    | Marysville, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am about five months pregnant with my first child. I am chatting with a customer who is at least 20 years older than me and find out my baby’s due date is the same day as his birthday. After that he always comes in and speaks to me.)

    Customer: “Look what I got today.”

    (He shows me an envelope that looks like a life insurance offer, complete with fake check for $100,000.)

    Customer: “This is an advance on my record studio contract.”

    Me: *pretending to believe him* “Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you!”

    Customer: *hands me a note* “Here, just read this. I’ll see you later.”

    (When I go on my break, I read the note in which the customer has offered to give me half of his check, $50,000, if I would just sleep with him once. He is old and lonely, and I could finally marry my man (I have been married five years), go to college, and quit flipping burgers. I show my manager, and all she has to say is:)

    Manager: “We don’t flip burgers. We char-broil them!”

    Paying The Price Of Corniness

    | IA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are out to eat. I happen to look down at my drink and the foam has randomly made a shape of an arrow.)

    Me: “Hey, look! There’s an arrow in my drink.”

    Boyfriend: “And it’s pointing at me; it must be a sign.”

    Me: “Of what? Who’s going to pay?”

    Boyfriend: “…Ouch.”

    Shut Up You Butt-Head!

    | Bloomington, MN, USA | Dating

    (I have what some people call a “butt chin” and my boyfriend and I are just finishing eating.)

    Me: “Ugh. I don’t feel good now. I ate too much.”

    Boyfriend: “You gonna poop out of your chin? You’d feel better!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Boyfriend: “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, you did.”

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