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    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 14

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are at a restaurant, discussing shows we want to see. I bring up a show I’ve wanted to see for a while.)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! We totally need to see that one. It has a great soundtrack. Oh, but my ex gave me that CD.”

    Me: “Then let’s make a different happy memory associated with that show instead.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah! You’re right!”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Boyfriend: “You are the bacon of my life!”

    Me: “The what?”

    Boyfriend: “You make everything better!”

    Related:
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 13
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 12
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 11
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 10
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 9
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 8
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 7
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

    Not The For Richer Or Poorer Type

    | UT, USA | Dating

    (I’m seated next to a couple who seem to be on their first date at a popular South American themed restaurant. The guy is talking rather loudly about some time he spent in Argentina.)

    Guy: “…and Argentina is so cheap because they have exchange rates down there. Do you know what an exchange rate is?”

    Girl: “Um… no…”

    Guy: “It’s like this. The exchange rate is seven pesos to one dollar! If you bring $10 you now have $70! You’re seven times richer!”

    Out For Blood

    | Temecula, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are out eating at a popular chain buffet. I grab some of the roast beef, which still seems to be a little raw, if the red, blood-like fluid coming from it means anything. I’ve been on my cycle for a few days now.)

    Me: “This isn’t very good… It’s really plain and looks like it’s bleeding.”

    Husband: “So are you…”

    (I can’t help laughing but I’m really glad no one else heard him!)

    Not Being Straight With Each Other

    | UT, USA | Family/Kids, Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

    (I am a gay male but haven’t come out to my family yet. I am house sitting for my grandma while she is in a nursing home recovering from surgery. She has set up a blind date between me and a female nurse. I don’t want to upset her and am not ready to come out, so I go. We are having a great time, but toward the end of the night I start getting really uncomfortable because I don’t want to lead her on.)

    Me: “Hey, uh… I need to tell you something about me…”

    Date: “Yeah… I need to tell you something, too.”

    (She also seems really nervous about something, but I knew that if I didn’t go first I would never get it out.)

    Me: “I’m gay. I only came on this date for Nana.”

    (She starts laughing, and I am so embarrassed I get up to leave.)

    Date: “No, wait. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because I am a lesbian. That’s what I needed to tell you.”

    (We both had a laugh at the way Nana roped us into the date and have been close friends ever since!)

    Not Almost Romantic

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is not very romantic. One night we decide to go out and eat Chinese food. I manage to convince him to try eating with chopsticks, and after showing him how to use them I’m struggling to pick up a large piece of sesame chicken.)

    Boyfriend: “Here, let me get that.”

    (He reaches over, and just when I get my hopes up, he stabs the piece of chicken with a chopstick and holds it out to me. As I go to take a bite, he shoves the entire piece into my mouth, causing me to choke slightly and smear it all over my face.)

    Boyfriend: “Oops?”

    Me: *sighs* “You were this close. This close.”


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