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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • The Heights Of Brutal Honesty

    | San Mateo, CA, USA | Friends With Benefits

    (I’m out to dinner with a guy I’m sleeping with, but not dating. I’m talking about setting him up with one of my friends. Note: I’m 5’0”.)

    Me: “She’s really nice and is starting a PhD program this year!”

    Him: “How tall is she?”

    Me: “5’6”… Why? Is height a requirement?”

    Him: “Well… No… but I’m more attracted to women around a certain height.”

    Me: “What height is that?”

    Him: “Around 5’9” or so.”

    (I gave him a very pointed look. He bought me dinner.)

    An Appreciation Depreciation

    , | CA, USA | Engaged

    (We are running late on our way to the movies, so we stop at [Fast Food Place] to get something to eat.)

    Me: “I don’t mind paying for the food.”

    Fiancé: “Ah, no, babe. You do too much for me. I was just thinking that the other day: this chick washes my clothes, makes me food – she even sucks my d***, man!”

    (All this while standing in front of the cashier. I can’t help but to start laughing loud.)

    Me: “Wow, you are so romantic babe.”

    Their Love’s Days Are Numbered

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have ordered food at a restaurant and are waiting for our numbers to be called out.)

    Boyfriend: “We’re going to be together forever, aren’t we?”

    Me: “Of course we are.”

    Boyfriend: “And we get to build a life together.”

    Me: “You don’t know how much I’m looking forward to it.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m pretty lucky I have you.”

    Me: “I’ll never leave you.”

    (We hold hands across the table and share a sweet moment, until my number is called.)

    Me: “I’m leaving you.” *gets up*

    Boyfriend: “You’ll come crawling back soon.”

    Eloping To Tamriel

    | Centennial, CO, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are eating lunch. The topic of my favorite single player video game, ‘Skyrim,’ comes up. It should be noted that my fiancé owns the game and we do not yet live together.)

    Me: “If I got to play the game everyday, I’d be like level 40 by now.”

    Fiancé: *laughs and then gets an idea* “We should elope right now so you can get to level 40!”

    Well That’s One Way To Add Spice To Their Relationship

    | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are passing a restaurant named ‘Hot Luck.’ However, the cursive font that the restaurant’s name is written makes my fiancé initially mistake it for another word…)

    Fiancé: “OH MAN! I thought it said ‘Hot F***!’”

    Me: “Uh, no, it’s that super spicy place.”

    Fiancé: *hugs me* “You’re MY hot f***!”

    Me: “…”

    Fiancé: “In the most romantic way possible. I swear.”

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