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    As Long As You Don’t Drag Earth And Wind Into This

    | ON, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancée and I are having dinner and discussing the fact that I don’t like getting my engagement ring wet.)

    Me: “I just don’t like putting it in water. I take it off to wash my hands and shower and stuff.”

    Fiancée: “Oh, I see how it is. You’re just cheating on me with the water. You love it that much do you?” *fakes offence*

    Me: “Oh, baby, yeah. I just can’t resist how wet it gets me.” *looks him directly in the eye as I take a deliberate sip of water from my glass*

    Fiancée: *gasps* “Now you’re doing it right in front of me!”

    Me: “Oh, like you are one to talk. You cheat on me with fire all the time!”

    Fiancée: “No, I don’t. I just like looking. She’s so hot.”

    Me: “Mm-hmm, is that why I catch you touching her all the time?”

    Fiancée: “I’m just stoking her a little bit. It means nothing, I swear!”

    (There’s a long pause where we stare at each other before bursting out laughing.)

    Me: “The people in this restaurant must think we are nuts!”

    The Heights Of Brutal Honesty

    | San Mateo, CA, USA | Friends With Benefits

    (I’m out to dinner with a guy I’m sleeping with, but not dating. I’m talking about setting him up with one of my friends. Note: I’m 5’0”.)

    Me: “She’s really nice and is starting a PhD program this year!”

    Him: “How tall is she?”

    Me: “5’6”… Why? Is height a requirement?”

    Him: “Well… No… but I’m more attracted to women around a certain height.”

    Me: “What height is that?”

    Him: “Around 5’9” or so.”

    (I gave him a very pointed look. He bought me dinner.)

    An Appreciation Depreciation

    , | CA, USA | Engaged

    (We are running late on our way to the movies, so we stop at [Fast Food Place] to get something to eat.)

    Me: “I don’t mind paying for the food.”

    Fiancé: “Ah, no, babe. You do too much for me. I was just thinking that the other day: this chick washes my clothes, makes me food – she even sucks my d***, man!”

    (All this while standing in front of the cashier. I can’t help but to start laughing loud.)

    Me: “Wow, you are so romantic babe.”

    Their Love’s Days Are Numbered

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have ordered food at a restaurant and are waiting for our numbers to be called out.)

    Boyfriend: “We’re going to be together forever, aren’t we?”

    Me: “Of course we are.”

    Boyfriend: “And we get to build a life together.”

    Me: “You don’t know how much I’m looking forward to it.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m pretty lucky I have you.”

    Me: “I’ll never leave you.”

    (We hold hands across the table and share a sweet moment, until my number is called.)

    Me: “I’m leaving you.” *gets up*

    Boyfriend: “You’ll come crawling back soon.”

    Eloping To Tamriel

    | Centennial, CO, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are eating lunch. The topic of my favorite single player video game, ‘Skyrim,’ comes up. It should be noted that my fiancé owns the game and we do not yet live together.)

    Me: “If I got to play the game everyday, I’d be like level 40 by now.”

    Fiancé: *laughs and then gets an idea* “We should elope right now so you can get to level 40!”

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