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    Pick Up Lines Stripped Back

    , | Antwerp, Belgium | Flirting/How We Met

    (A guy asks if he can sit at my table and starts some chit-chat, clearly building up to something.)

    Guy: “Uh, are you, uh, discrete?”

    Me: “I guess.”

    Guy: “Well, uh, promise you won’t laugh?”

    (I stare at him in wonder.)

    Guy: “Well uh, I would like to do a striptease for you.”

    (He is obviously serious, so I don’t ask if I shouldn’t laugh now or when doing it. After a refusal from my side and some awkward conversation, he gets up to leave.)

    Guy: “I would like to have a serious relationship someday.”

    Me: “Then I highly recommend using another pickup line!”

    This Fight Had A Duel Purpose

    | GA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Top

    (I’m a regular at a fast food restaurant. The current cashier has only been working for a few weeks, and appears to be the only cashier on duty. While waiting in line to order, the customer in front of me has constantly been yelling at the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Okay, so that’s a #5 meal with extra sauce, a medium drink, and a milkshake.”

    Customer: “NO, NO, NO! I SAID A #7 WITH NO SAUCE! GOD, ARE YOU DEAF YOU STUPID B****?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. Let me fix that for you.”

    Customer: “No! You’re too stupid to do anything right. Go get me your manager, unless you think you’re gonna f*** that up too!”

    (The cashier is speechless and begins crying. Having had enough, I decide to intervene.)

    Me: “Hey! Calm down. She’s doing the best she can. There’s no need to call her names.”

    (The customer turns around to look at me. He’s clearly taller than me and stomps towards me.)

    Customer: “Shut the f*** up, kid. Didn’t anyone teach you to respect a grown-up?”

    Me: “I was actually taught to give respect until they show they don’t deserve it. And you, sir, clearly don’t deserve it.”

    Customer: “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

    (He begins cracking his knuckles in front of me to intimidate me. I remain un-phased.)

    Me: “Then allow me to say this: apologize to my girlfriend, else one of us will be leaving with broken bones.”

    (I take a step back and position myself into a fighting stance. The customer begins having second thoughts. He quickly turns around, apologizes to the cashier, and runs out.)

    Cashier: “I… I didn’t know that—”

    Me: “I don’t, but it’s still funny tricking people to think that I can fight.”

    Cashier: “No… I mean I didn’t know that I had a boyfriend.”

    (I ended up buying her lunch for what she went through. We’ve been dating ever since!)

    A Hard Drive Will Cost You Extra

    | Flint, MI, USA | Dating

    Boyfriend: “Why do prostitutes cost so much?”

    Me: “What?”

    (I am hoping I misheard. My boyfriend mumbles something about micro-processors.)

    Me: “Okay, I swear I thought I heard you ask why prostitutes cost so much.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, they are a little over-priced.”

    Engaging The Whole Restaurant

    | NV, USA | Engaged, Proposals

    (I am serving a table near a young man and woman. Everything is business as usual, when suddenly the young man jumps out of his chair and runs past me with his arms raised over his head.)

    Man: “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!”

    (People start laughing, and the woman shakes her head.)

    Woman: “We just got engaged.”

    The Bisexual A-Gender

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | Dating, Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ, Long Distance, Top

    (I am Swedish, but my boyfriend is American. I am also a guy. I’m bisexual while he is gay. We’re at a diner we usually go to when I am visiting him. The first time I went there, there was a waitress who was overly amazed when I told her my nationality. It is now the third time I am in the States seeing my boyfriend. We have just finished eating breakfast there, when I stop the waitress in her tracks.)

    Me: “Hey, could you come over here for a second?”

    Waitress: “Yeah, sure, what can I do for you?”

    Me: “I am going back home in less than a week. How would you like if I sent you a postcard from there?”

    (The waitress beams up in a smile.)

    Waitress: “Sure! Let me just get you my address.”

    (She walks away and soon comes back with a piece of paper with her full name and address.)

    Me: “Alright, a postcard will be on its way when I’m home!”

    (We leave and we’re in my boyfriend’s car. He looks at me.)

    Boyfriend: “You really want to get it on with her, don’t you?”

    Me: “Now, now, don’t be jealous because I’m getting all the girls!”

    (We both crack up and laugh.)


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