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    Dumb But Not Blind

    | BC, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are having a discussion which turns into a mild disagreement. Later he agreed that he was being dumb.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re giving me that ‘I’m being really dumb’ look face.”

    Me: *stares blankly*

    Boyfriend: “You’re giving it to me again.”

    If Batman Had A Little Sister

    | USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (I’m on a first date at a nice little place, just chatting with the guy I’m out with, when he clears his throat a little. He also is friends with my older brother.)

    Him: “So… ah… [Older Brother] found out we were going out tonight and called me.”

    Me: “Yeah… He did text me something to that effect today. Something about him being in every shadow?”

    Him: “Yep.”

    Me: “He also says ‘he is vengeance; he is the night,’ by the way.”

    Their Happy Marriage Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I are regulars at a restaurant next to our apartment. We’re becoming good friends with the staff and other regulars. I’m there on the 14th of February, reading and having some wine.)

    Staff #1: “[My Name], where’s your husband?”

    Me: “I… don’t know. I think he might be in the gym still.”

    Staff #2: “He should be here with you!”

    Me: “I’m sure I’ll see him later. I’m bound to – we live together, you know.”

    Staff #3: “But… it’s Valentine’s Day! How can he not be here?”

    Me: “Seriously, guys, [Husband] is the love of my life, and I know that I am his. That’s what’s important. I didn’t even reflect over the fact that its Valentine’s Day when he said he was going to the gym. I’m happy here, with you guys. And my book.”

    Staff #3: *shaking his head* “You’ve been married for so long. When are you going to get all bitter? It’s more fun that way.”

    A Shapely Comeback

    | Wilsonville, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’m having lunch with my husband and I’m feeling depressed and self-conscious about how I look.)

    Me: Sorry I’m so fat and out of shape.

    Husband: *while looking at the menu* “Yeah. Me, too.”

    (He meant that he was sorry he was out of shape, too, but wasn’t paying attention to the wording.)

    Husband: *as his face goes pale* “No! That’s not what I meant! I meant I’m out of shape! God!”

    (I died laughing. Luckily I knew what he meant as soon as he said it, but he still felt bad.)

    The Bar Was Set Before The Marriage

    | Denver, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s my bachelorette party and my bridesmaids and I are enjoying a nice meal at an Irish tavern downtown. My soon-to-be husband and his groomsmen are off doing their thing. We’ve had no communication all day. As we’re sitting there, one of my bridesmaids’ husband strolls in. Said bridesmaid gets up to talk to him.)

    Me: “What is he doing here?”

    Bridesmaid: *laughing* “He says the guys are outside.”

    Me: *laughing as well* “Really?”

    Bridesmaid’s Husband: “Should I tell them to go somewhere else?”

    Me: *half joking* “We were here first…”

    Bridesmaid’s Husband: “Okay, then.”

    (He left and the guys went to a different bar in town. At our wedding reception, my brother-in-law, who was the best man, told this story. Just goes to show how much my husband and I have in common!)


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