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    Shouldn’t Have Planted The Idea

    | Terre Haute, IN, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I work at a large chain farm store that is very popular in the midwest. I have really bad anxiety so I’m not usually on the register, but today I am helping out since we are short on cashiers. An older man in his 50s comes up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]!”

    Customer: “Hello, young lady! I’d just like these plants here.”

    (He has two full carts of different trees and plants so it takes me a while to ring him up. While I’m ringing him up, he is telling me about how much he loves the store.)

    Me: “That will be $115.73.”

    Customer: “You have such a beautiful smile and beautiful hair.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Customer: “Your boyfriend is so lucky!”

    Me: “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

    Customer: “What? Why the h*** not?! You’re gorgeous! Your last boyfriend must be crazy for splitting up with you!”

    Me: “Actually I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

    Customer: “WHAT! OH MY F****** GOD! WHY THE H*** NOT?!”

    Me: “Well, guys never talk to me and I’m too nervous to talk to them myself.”

    Customer: “But you’re talking to me? I’m a guy!”

    Me: “Yeah but you’re a customer. I don’t have any problems talking to customers.”

    Customer: “I can be more than a customer.”

    Me: “That will be $115.73, sir.”

    (The customer pays while smiling creepily at me and I’m very uncomfortable at this point.)

    Customer: “What time do you get off? I will come pick you up later!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Itching With Respect

    | MI, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are at our shop. During a slow moment, I lightly scratch his head as he works.)

    Fiancé: “You itched me.”

    (I start laughing.)

    Fiancé: “I’m gonna have to punish you, aren’t I? I’m gonna spank you. You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?”

    Me: *laughing* “Not really.”

    Fiancé: *laughing* “I’m trying to talk dirty! You know how unnatural it is for me to talk dirty!”

    Me: “Yet you can do it all day to the phone.”

    Fiancé: “I don’t respect the phone!”

    No Longer For Sale

    | England, UK | Flirting/How We Met

    (I have a very youthful appearance; I look late teens or, maybe, early twenties. I go into a beauty shop.)

    Shop Assistant: “Do you need any help?”

    Me: “I’m good, thank you; just present shopping.”

    Shop Assistant: “I’ll come and help you.”

    (She seems very helpful and nice; the store is empty so when she rushes to help me I don’t complain.)

    Shop Assistant: “This is nice.” *grabs my hands before rubbing some cream in*

    Me: *a little taken a back* ” …Err, yeah, I don’t think it suits me though.”

    Shop Assistant: *laughing hysterically* “Oh, you. Let me show you what else we have.”

    (She part follows, part leads me round the store, being very friendly and often grabbing my shoulder, or rubbing cream on my hands. Being a bit naïve it takes me the longest time to realise she is hitting on me. I rack my brain how to break it to her. At the till…)

    Shop Assistant: “So, do you buy a lot of presents? We have some great stuff. You should pop back in.”

    Me: “I, err, yeah, I only really buy this for my wife.”

    (Her face freezes.)

    Shop Assistant: “You’re married?”

    Me: “Yes, with children.” *I hold up my left hand with my ring on*

    Shop Assistant: Oh. The total is [total].”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Shop Assistant: “…Yeah.”

    The Only Time You Can Call Her Piggy

    | ON, Canada | Dating

    (Two customers come in, one guy, one girl. My coworker and I are watching in surprise as they coo over our plush toys, and really check out the objects. Finally, they come to pay and the guy has three Muppet plush dolls he wishes to purchase.)

    Guy: “Just these three, please.”

    (I start scanning as he customers start talking.)

    Guy: *to the girl* “I know I have two other Kermit the Frog dolls, but I had to get one more. Do you know why?”

    Girl: “Because Kermit the Frog is your favourite toy?”

    Guy: “That too, but you’ll see.”

    (In curiosity, I scan the Kermit doll, wondering what he was planning to do. To my surprise, I watch as he takes the doll and places it in her hand.)

    Guy: “For you, Piggy. So I will always be with you.”

    Coworker & Me: “AWWWW!”

    (The girl glows bright red and hugs the Kermit doll. The guy then pays for the other two dolls and hugs his Miss Piggy doll.)

    Guy: “…and with this, you can be with me.”

    Coworker & Me: “AWWWW!”

    Guy: *to us* “We’re huge Muppet fans.”

    Girl: “Really huge.”

    (The guy leans over and kisses her cheek, and I melt.)

    Me: “You two just made my day.”

    Girl: “Let’s go, Kermie.”

    (My coworker and I were quietly cooing as the two left the store.)

    Only Does Right By Her

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My coworker and I are having a little argument. Nothing serious, just a very minor disagreement. My coworker is female, while I am male.)

    Customer: “Those two must be newlyweds, because he still thinks he’s right!”


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