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  • Rebound Your Enthusiasm

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Advice, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m at work when I overhear a couple of teenage girls talking.)

    Girl #1: “Totally nailed it. [Boy]‘s girlfriend just dumped him.”

    (Girl #2 pumps her fist in the air.)

    Girl #2: “Yes! I mean… that’s terrible. I wonder if I can get him on the rebound?”

    His Secret Is Bigger Than Victoria’s

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I mutually decided to wait until after our wedding to be intimate. My fiancé had no experience in that department of any kind, so as a treat we went shopping together the week before our wedding so he could pick out a pair of lingerie for me.)

    Me: *pointing to a pretty silky bra* “Ooh, look at that one! It’s so soft. I’d be petting myself the whole time I was wearing it.”

    Fiancé: “Very pretty! I’d be petting myself, too!”

    Me: *valiantly trying not to laugh, knowing he meant to say something else*

    Fiancé: “What?”

    Me: *repeats what he said*

    (It took him a couple minutes to stop laughing at himself and tell me he meant to say ‘I’d be petting you, too.’)

    Made A Huge Mistake

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I often make fake non-nonsensical insults back and forth to one another. He says ‘I want a Popsicle’ I say ‘YOU’RE a Popsicle!’ This will progress to ‘Your FACE is a Popsicle’ to ‘Your MOM’s face is a Popsicle’ etc. We are out shopping.)

    Boyfriend: “I swear this store looks closer than it did before.”

    Me: “Well, they did open up this area here with some construction. It looks huge.”

    Boyfriend: *in joking tone* “YOU’RE huge!”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *in horrified tone* “Oh, my god… What did I just say?!”

    Me: *cracks up laughing*

    Doing It Mexican Style

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I decided to stop mid-intercourse to race across town before the local adult store closed, because we discovered that the toy we wanted to use had mysteriously melted in the box under our bed. He also occasionally forgets how in-sync we are.)

    Me: *toy in hand* “We made it in time!”

    Husband: *starts car and looks at me funny*

    Me: “Don’t tell me you don’t want to anymore?”

    Husband: “No, I do, a lot. I was just wondering if we could stop at Taco Bell on the way home?”

    Me: “Oh, my God! I can get a freeze!”

    (He won’t doubt my commitment to sex or Taco Bell for awhile.)

    They Met On The Bleach, Part 2

    | Germany | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friends and I are cosplayers, and I am searching for a specific fabric for a bunch of new costumes we want to wear to the next convention. I go to a store and ask for that fabric. They don’t have any of it so I start to ask if there was something else we could use. There were two girls and a boy in this shop looking at the fabrics as well.)

    Saleswoman: “So, what do you need that fabric for?”

    Me: “A costume.” *in Germany a ladies’ suit is also called a costume*

    Saleswoman: *blank stare*

    Me: “You know… not like a skirt and a jacket. More like… a real costume.”

    Saleswoman: “OH, MY GOD! YOU’RE A COSPLAYER?”

    Me: “Um… yes?”

    Saleswoman: “Oh, my God! Are you going to be at [Next Convention], too? Who are you going to be?”

    Me: “Um yes… A character from Bleach. He is called Shunsui.”

    Saleswoman: “THAT’S SO COOL!”

    (By this time the two girls and the boy are standing practically next to me, talking about cosplay being ‘childish’ and so on. I really don’t want to cause trouble, so I ignore them and tell the saleswoman about the last convention we were at.)

    Me: “It was really hot. I had this cosplay made out of this really long synthetic fur. And one of the guards told me to let security check me for weapons. So we went there and I let them put a sticker on my nose. And one of my friends was checked too, because she was dressed as the Easter bunny—”

    (At this moment the boy whirls around and stares at me before he starts yelling too.)

    Boy: “Oh, my God! YOU ARE THE MOONKIN!”

    Me: *nods*

    Boy: “How cool!”

    (Complete silence, while everybody, including the two girls stares at him in disbelief.)

    Girl #1: “You are SO embarrassing! I don’t want you to be my boyfriend anymore!”

    Boy: *deadpan* “You insulted a moonkin… I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore, either!”

    (With that, he just turned and left while the girls just glared at me until they left, too. Wherever you are, young man, you made my day! Thank you!)

    Related:
    They Met On The Bleach


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