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    Only Does Right By Her

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My coworker and I are having a little argument. Nothing serious, just a very minor disagreement. My coworker is female, while I am male.)

    Customer: “Those two must be newlyweds, because he still thinks he’s right!”

    Cooking Up A Storm At Home

    | Gatineau, QC, Canada | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s December 24th, about an hour before closing time. It being a kitchen store, every conceivable surface in the place is covered in kitchen-related items. A vaguely panicked-looking guy power-walks into the store, scans the place, and comes straight to me.)

    Guy: “Can you help me? I really need to find something for my wife!”

    Me: “Absolutely sir. Does your wife like to cook?”

    Guy: “Not really.”

    Me: “…”

     

    Pranksgiving Was Last Month

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Dating, Fights/Breakups, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas time and I work at a store that’s primarily known for selling costume jewelry, like plastic, surgical steel, and cubic zirconia. As it’s the holiday season and the store is heavily marketed towards women, anytime one of the staff sees a man walk into the store we automatically assume that they’re shopping for someone else, and usually needs help navigating through the eons of pink. On this day I see one such man.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you find something today?”

    Man: “Uh, yeah, I’m looking for a ring.”

    Me: “All right. If you’ll follow me I’ll take you straight to them.”

    (I take him to the rings and start showing him the different products.)

    Me: “So, is there anything that catches your eye?”

    Man: “Not really. I’m looking for something really fancy looking. Like one that looks like a real diamond ring.”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately we don’t have much. We used to have a lot of that kind of stuff, but the company’s decided to focus more on trendy designs. Are you sure it has to be fancy looking?”

    Man: “Yeah, it has to look like an engagement ring. I’m playing a trick on my girlfriend.”

    Me: “…uh, maybe you could try [Competitor]?”

    Man: “Oh, thanks! I’ll check there.”

    (The man leaves as I stand there, flabbergasted at what he had just told me. Later I tell the story to a coworker and her response said it all.)

    Coworker: “Well, I hope he immediately pulls out a real ring, or he’s going to be spending this New Year’s alone.”

    Fountain Of Uncouth

    | TX, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am working at a fireworks stand. By Texas law, shoppers are not allowed to handle the fireworks before they purchase them, so a staff member is assigned to help customers at each area of the store. Currently, I am stationed near a type of fireworks called ‘fountains’. Because most customers are unfamiliar with fountains I call out to them as they pass. I am a sixteen-year-old girl.)

    Me: *to a middle-aged man* “Sir? Can I interest you in some fountains?”

    Customer: “Honey, the only fountain I’m interested in is the one you’re running through naked.”

    Rebound Your Enthusiasm

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Advice, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m at work when I overhear a couple of teenage girls talking.)

    Girl #1: “Totally nailed it. [Boy]’s girlfriend just dumped him.”

    (Girl #2 pumps her fist in the air.)

    Girl #2: “Yes! I mean… that’s terrible. I wonder if I can get him on the rebound?”


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