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  • My Husband’s A Pinhead

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am a cashier of a water park. We’re not allowed to use the intercom system unless it’s an emergency. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, [water park]. How can I help you?

    Man: “I need you to page my wife.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to page people unless it’s an emergency.”

    Man: “But I need to talk to her! This is an emergency! A very big emergency!”

    (At this point, I don’t really know what to do because this has never happened before. I explain the situation to my manager, and he talks to the man who I can hear from the head set is really upset at this point. My manager gets the wife’s name and pages her to the office. She comes in dripping wet and takes the phone.)

    Wife: *panicked* “Honey, there’s an emergency? What’s going on?… You had me paged for this?… It hasn’t moved… Did you check the top shelf of the closet?”

    (She hangs up and turns to me and my manager.)

    Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband couldn’t find his bowling ball for league tonight.”

    There Is Something In The Water

    | FL, USA | Dating, Top

    (We are at a water-park, and it began to rain and thunder. We have to take shelter for severe lightning in the area. We hide under a wide water slide with several lifeguards and another family, telling funny stories to pass the time. While we are talking, we see a couple on the bridge over the lazy river. They begin to make out, not knowing we are watching.)

    Me: “They are really into it, huh?”

    Lifeguard: “This is hilarious!”

    Other family: “We should slow clap when they finish!”

    My Friend: “Totally!”

    (They continue to kiss for ten straight minutes while we snicker and crack jokes about the lovebirds.)

    Me: “Ha! We’re the creepy people under the slide watching them make out.”

    (Four more minutes pass, they’re still making out.)

    Friend: “When will they stop!?”

    Other family: “They won’t separate!”

    (Two more minutes pass, they finally stop kissing.)

    Lifeguards/Family/Me/My Friend: *slow clap*

    (The lovebirds start looking around in confusion. They finally spot us, and they turn beet red.)

    Lifeguard: “Good job man!”